|Reviews for Shreds and Ribbons|
| Eregnar chapter 11 . 6/4/2014
Oh man. This makes me hurt for the whole squad, especially Jester. It's always interesting to see another look at Slick playing mind-games with his squad (is that fanon now? I didn't see anything in the episode to confirm or deny that description of Slick, but it seems pretty universally accepted in fanfiction). Chopper mocked for his scars, Jester psychologically abused, even Gus, so desperate for affirmation that Slick's managed to twist that into something harmful to both him and the team.
"scared side of Chopper's" should be "scarred." "Did he mean he didn't trust Slick to do his duty." should end with a question mark.
| laloga chapter 11 . 6/4/2014
[hugs Jester] It's okay, buddy.
As others have said, this was an intensely sad chapter, but I loved the insight gained into the men of Slick's squad. Masterful job with each of these guys and the intricate relationships between them. Chopper was appropriately prickly and unwilling to just blindly follow Gus' orders, no matter where Gus claimed they came from; he is definitely questioning a lot of stuff, and that was clearly evident in his behavior. Gus, conversely, seemed like he'd stopped asking questions a while ago, and was content to believe whatever Slick told him - which makes me wonder exactly what sort of intel the sergeant is feeding him.
Punch and Sketch were wonderfully portrayed; closer than any of the others and content because of it. They could handle the dissent and anger because they had each other to lean on, which makes all the difference. It was sad, though, how they could not/would not let another, like Jester, into their clique. I didn't get the sense that it was purposeful or malicious, just that they were content with each other and saw no reason to upset that balance.
Jester. Sigh. [hugs him again] Amazing job capturing this guy. It's a continual source of surprise to see how very different each clone can be. Training and genetics only go so far. Jester's lack of confidence in himself rang so true, felt so genuine; I could definitely relate! I think everyone has those feelings, but they were magnified on him because he has so little else in his life to fall back on. His thoughts about the squad *needing* unity, not division, were poignant - and spot on. Infighting is going to get someone hurt, or worse. While I so wanted him to speak up, I understand that he's on a journey of his own, and hope that one day he will find his voice.
His focus on maintaining his weapon at the end was a brilliant link to the man we meet in "The Hidden Enemy," the man who is fanatical about such things, because it's all he *has,* at least in his mind.
I loved how Slick was present, even though he was never physically around. (Unless you count the flashback.) Clearly, he's got all these troopers wrapped around his twisted fingers. His manipulation of them - with the flash inspections & shift changes - were evident without hitting us over the head with the notion that he *is* manipulating them, playing some game only he understands.
I also love the "word they don't say," and how it, too, affected everyone's actions and thoughts. While no one may have ever vocalized the fact, Slick's example of how "broken things should not be kept around" was harsh, and rang true in all of their minds. It was perhaps the cruelest thing Slick could have done, to indirectly point out Chopper's "faults," and thus seed further mistrust among his own men. If he'd openly mocked Chopper, the others might have sprang to Chopper's defense, but instead he allowed doubt to creep in on its own. Sigh.
Okay, so...I remember us talking about Jester, but I *don't* remember what I said. :P In any case, I'm thrilled it was helpful. This viggie, while heartbreaking at times, was a fascinating look into the innerworkings of a clone squad. Fantastic, fantastic work! :)
| Sage of wind Dragons chapter 11 . 6/1/2014
dam. I like akward tragedys of the clones, I mean take to much of it and you REALLY feel depressed, but a few looks into it and its function of a tragedy is always an interesting experience.
| Zipitnow chapter 11 . 6/1/2014
Gosh, that was ...sad. In ROTC in High School, I had an Instructor, a retired Colonel, tell the class that Team Work was everything in a squad...EVERYTHING! So if you if you wanted to live, you better find a way to trust each other, get along together and make it work. Period!
I also had a friend in the Navy who always said "Adjust Adapt and Overcome" or out in the field you and your squad would most likely not make it back to base...at least not in one piece. And while "Chain of command" was drilled into us all the time, our SGT. Major would also tell us, (on the sly), following orders with an emphasis on occasionally reinterpreting those orders to insure the objective was achieved AND still bringing your squad back in one piece was okay too...just don't say anything out loud. ( I believed this guy, he spent a lot time in the "Poo" all during Korea and Vietnam).
Of course we all know the story of Sgt. Slick (a real bummer in so many ways, but he did figure out what the "clone army" really was for, in the story line he just didn't make any good choices about it ). Whats sad about this is that the whole squad can see that they're pretty screwed, they just can't find a way to overcome or fix the problem. (see team work) Cleaning your weapons, or "hoping" everything will settle down won't change anything that's wrong.
Great characterization with these guys, just cause you look alike, doesn't mean you are alike. It really is whats "inside" that makes you who you are. The dialog and situation with the squad here was pretty awesome. The feeling of Jesters helplessness and disappointment in himself was heart wrenching, because he wants to be better, he wants the squad to be a real "Team" that stands together.
Great chapter, so well done. Thank you for posting this. Kudos to the writer!
| laloga chapter 10 . 12/9/2013
Wow, what a note to end on! Nice little cameo of Gregor.
Sigh. I knew this would be sad, but... I really thought they'd manage to blow the ship up! Is the Renown a canon ship? (Too lazy to check.)
Anyway, this was masterfully done, as usual. I'm so in awe of your ability to write machines, to breathe life into these inorganic beings, and give them distinct personalities that don't clash with their non-living status. The droid commander was perfectly done: sinister but...mechanical. Cold, I guess. And Bunny...was she the spy? I got the feeling that she was somehow connected to the Seps, but I'm not sure.
Ceelee! :( I loved him, so I knew from the start he was doomed, but man...his last section really was a punch in the gut. Really, seeing the clones' deaths from the POV of the droids was intense; well-done, my goodness, but harsh. It's a credit to your skill as a storyteller that it was so hard for me to read a lot of this! I've read so many "war is hell" stories from the clones' POVs that reading this one, from the droids', hit strangely, but especially hard.
One suggestion: I noticed a lot of the passive voice in this chapter. This is something I'm trying hard to get rid of in my own work, so I've been on the lookout for it in others'. Of course, FFN won't let me highlight anything to show you what I mean, but I noticed several places where the language could be tightened up a bit.
But honestly, that's small-potatoes when compared to the meat and bones of this story!
This piece was so well-done, I'm still reeling a bit. [applauds] Tremendous work, m'dear. I do have a request for the next installment... I know you've got a lot on your plate, but when and if you decide to add a chapter to this series, (no rush at all!) can it be happy and/or fluffy? ;)
Anyway, this was a fantastic piece! :D I look forward to see what comes next.
| Balin Lord of Moria chapter 1 . 11/13/2013
Good first chapter! You certainly caught the essence of Jango Fett and Darth Tyranus here. It's also interesting to see that even Jango himself, and not just his commandos and ARC troopers, disdained Kamino and it's native cloners.
| Eregnar chapter 10 . 9/30/2013
:( So sad...
I liked how you got into TC-81's mind: arrogant and nasty yet decidedly mechanical. I also liked the mention of Gregor at the end. A nice, poignant little touch.
| shadoefax chapter 3 . 9/25/2013
these oneshots are really deep and well written, i applaud
| LongLiveTheClones chapter 10 . 9/23/2013
Gah. Wow. This was so powerful. I was just stunned by this one. This image was just so powerful it took my breath away:
7,400 dead clone troopers were tossed into the endless darkness of space, where the bodies tumbled end over end, propelled by the momentum of their unceremonious ejection from the only home they'd had outside of Kamino.
This ficlet was so well done because you established these characters and made the reader care about them, and then... they all died. It was truly storytelling at its finest. I loved how they defended the ship against impossible odds and then in the end, they failed. The ship was taken over anyway. There were so many little dramas played out all over the ship again and again. It was just so heartbreaking.
Whoa. So powerful.
The image of the trooper getting his arm broken as he fought the commando droid and the dioxin spreading throughout the ship and poisoning the troopers and finally all that was left was just the little droid, Bunny.
a humble dishwasher, who gazed up at the cosmic display and was saddened, though he could not tell - or remember - why
Way to tie it back into the whole Void arc. If only the Void arc had been this well-written and so memorable, instead of two hours of boredom, (except for the bits with Gregor, which were lovely.) I've heard statistics that there were three million clones at the beginning of the Clone Wars and two million were killed in the first two years. Not sure if that is right or not, but judging at the rate they seem to go through clones in the series, it seems possible. Nice to see stories that actually humanize these losses.
| Rexness613 chapter 10 . 9/23/2013
That's the saddest thing I've read in a while... very good. Poor Bunny :(
| LongLiveTheClones chapter 9 . 6/28/2013
This was wonderful! I was thoroughly engaged and spellbound throughout! I always wondered what happened to Dogma and this does such a good job of typing up that loose end! You did such a good job with both the dialogue and the emotions. I felt like I was there throughout the story just watching this interaction between Windu and Dogma. Truly well done. I must commend you for a truly brilliant piece. Absolutely loved it. And, the ending was most appropriate with Dogma losing his distinctive scar and hair cut and making a new friend. Bravo!
| spikala chapter 9 . 6/26/2013
Wow, I really wasn’t expecting Windu to show up in this story, but the explanation you gave made perfect sense. I really like how you wove the butting of heads between the military and the Jedi into this story, even if it does give that sleemo Tarkin more ammunition later on. I think I was about as in the dark as Dogma about why Windu wanted him, way to keep the reader guessing.
Windu reminded me very much of a teacher during his questioning of Dogma, making Dogma come up with the answers himself and look critically at his actions. I liked seeing that side of Windu; it’s pretty rare to see it, so this felt like a bit of a treat. Plus Windu gets brownie points from me for disliking reconditioning :)
I’m so happy that Dogma gets another chance! He’s going to need a bit of time to get used to his new questioning side, but he’s a good guy underneath all the confusion and self-doubt. And he has a friend! Huzzah! I like the reasoning behind Burc’s name, it’s very cool. It was a wonderful conclusion to the story, and if ever you feel like writing more about Dogma and his new life with Burc, I’d love to read it.
| spikala chapter 8 . 6/25/2013
Oh my gosh, it’s a Dogma story! :D The poor guy got such a rough ride, both in the episode and subsequently on FFN, so it’s wonderful to see a sympathetic Dogma story showing what happened to him after Umbara.
You did an amazing job portraying his remorse, emptiness, and self-loathing after his arrest. He’s really raking himself over the coals, but I admire his willingness to face up to what he’s done and ask himself why.
I loved the explanation of his tattoo, it fitted in really well with his personality and his subsequent actions. The contrast between Dogma before and after was so clear and crisp.
I wanted to give the poor guy a hug as he was cuffed again without any explanation. He’s really lost himself; what bits of his self that Krell didn’t shred on Umbara, he’s offering up to his brothers as penance. I loved the line about his thoughts running in a circle “like panicked mice in a maze”, it was a perfect description for the fearful loop he found himself in.
When the Guard steadied him with a few words, it was just a lovely little flash of kindness between them and for me felt like an acknowledgment that despite what’s happened, Dogma is still family, still a man. I think that actually touched me more than Rex’s silent nod, because the other trooper was under no obligation to do so, and didn't know Dogma. That unsolicited bit of kindness... so wonderful!
Fantastic chapter, you can come out from behind your cover and give yourself a massive pat on the back for a creating a brilliant read. I really enjoyed it, and look forward to seeing what happens once Dogma gets on that shuttle.
| pronker chapter 5 . 6/15/2013
Bo-Katan's pride in her heritage comes through well here.
| laloga chapter 9 . 6/14/2013
Yay! A happy-ish ending for Dogma! :D I'm so glad...poor guy. He doesn't deserve to be killed or reconditioned or anything like that. He made mistakes - awful ones - but still. I was glad that he got to reflect on his actions a bit, and talk things over with Mace.
At first I thought that Mace Windu was *almost* being too nice to Dogma, then I remembered that Mace has struggled with his own darkness, too, and so can probably sympathize with Dogma's situation more so than most other Jedi. I loved how he was able to bring some clarity to Dogma, especially when they talked about the Dark Side. He seemed a little uncertain here, too, which I enjoyed. After all, a Jedi Master has just been proven to be a traitor; it was probably a huge shock to everyone, and has undoubtedly shaken Mace to his core.
Forgot to mention last chapter that I *loved* the explanation of Dogma's tattoo, how the V formation was such a part of his essence. You furthered that idea, here, and allowed Dogma a chance to give voice to these feelings. It felt cathartic for him to be able to *say* these things. I was curious about what would happen to his tat once he had to start over, but was glad to see that question answered. :)
Sounds like he's got a new buddy. :) "Burc:" such a great choice for a name. I do wonder what Dogma's new name will be; I actually would love to see more of his story, how he starts over. :) Isn't there a Mando'a term for "clean slate?" Something vhetin...about snow? (I read it in one of BunBunFett's stories...)
Anyway, this mini-arc was beautifully written. Every time I read your writing, I fall in love with it all over again. Wonderful, wonderful work! :D