Reviews for Love and War
Zozo2001 chapter 19 . 11/26
VagynaJonesJohnson chapter 1 . 9/27
Based on the surplus of irrelevant personal info on your profile bio & misuse/random placement of the word 'albeit', I formed the likely conclusion that you're a young (pre teen/teen?) hopeful writer, maybe more advanced than your peers, & you know it. If I'm wrong, oh well.
-Your rant on the misuse of the words 'lose' & 'your' caught my eye for 2 reasons:
1. Spelling errors are stupid things to get angry about (& arbitrarily stating this along with the correct usage doesn't come across as helpful. It just makes you seem condescending & pompous). 2. Those errors don't make it harder for a reader to understand what the writer is trying to say. - But the errors in your chapter make the dialogue confusing & incoherent. The conversation b/w Tobias & Tris is all over the place. 1) The problem was her time on the obstacle course. (2) Her reason was that she was tired. (3) his response is something weird about using too much energy focusing on breathing (what?) (4) then he says something about overcoming fears (not the original issue - tired and slow) (5) then tells her to use her knees and elbows... for what?
It looks like you're taking lines from parts of the book and throwing them in with no order or reason. BTW the word "albeit" is a conjunction synonymous w/ 'although' and it doesn't make sense where you put it: "You've got a small frame, albeit, so you should use your knees & elbows." - Tip: make sure you know the definition & correct usage of a word before you use it. Just sayin...
FictionalRainbows chapter 19 . 8/25
Aww! I wish there was more :,)
Fourtrisudamnsexy chapter 19 . 8/7
This story is amazing I have no words it's left me speechless I love your writing
Beth chapter 19 . 5/26
Great would you please continue writing so that we can no what is in store for them ?kids?...the story has ended in kind of a you can write a bonus epilogue about them in the world of the civilians outside the military life.
Krazzyjosy chapter 19 . 5/25
Great story! Loved it! Are you thinking about writing a sequel!? I strongly believe you should I love this story and your writing and I would love to read the sequel!
Savanah Rose chapter 19 . 4/10
Good story. I enjoyed reading it.
Guest chapter 19 . 1/4
WRITE A SEQUAL! Please do it was an amazing story. If you changed the names it would be like a short story! It's truly amazing, you are a great writer!
stox4story chapter 17 . 12/31/2014
Well, well, well... didn't see that one coming but it works well. The link between Marcus and Natalie makes sense since in Divergent Natalie was Dauntless born. This was a really good chapter all the way around. Really laughed when reading the conversation between Natalie and Tobias... so, so funny!
stox4story chapter 1 . 12/30/2014
good beginning. will be interesting to see where this storyline goes.
dzgirl11 chapter 19 . 12/23/2014
I just squealed.
bahrfamily chapter 19 . 12/4/2014
I'm so glad I found this story when it was already complete and did not have to suffer through waiting for this epilogue. Thank you for a beautifully written story and an epilogue that makes me very happy.
bahrfamily chapter 18 . 12/4/2014
Oh, that is beautiful and yet makes me want to cry. What a story you have told!
bahrfamily chapter 13 . 12/4/2014
You have quite a way with words. I love the paragraph about the whispered words, not the three little ones. That paragraph is beautiful.
fuzzyslippers chapter 19 . 10/13/2014
Great job on the story, it was very entertaining :)
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