|Reviews for The Homeworld|
| Lachdannen chapter 1 . 6/25/2014
...ouch. I love the descriptions you present here. A lot of times ME seems to feel like combat in space is kind of meh, but you present it here in a way that feels very authentic, very real. I like it.
No grammactical errors jumped at me, so yay there :-)
I think the only thing I would change, is that some of the dialogue doesnt feel completely natural to me. The "funny one" line near the end for example, you could probably cut and make it flow a bit smoother, imo. But frankly thats minor.
Keep up the good work :-).
| Lady Amiee chapter 1 . 9/9/2013
So many feels! My heart is bloody breaking right now. This is so poetically written, the perfect amount of prose for this heartbreak. The end, her anger ... The way she clutched Paulus ... I had tears rolling down my cheeks. Your descriptive talent, and deep sight into emotion paint an amazing picture for me, and I could see every last second of this wonderful one shot. Well done, great work!
| Church -Caboose- Shepard chapter 1 . 8/6/2013
Well a very good piece here. Action was spot on for the most part and the characters were believable in their actions. Some of the humor seemed a little forced, but all in all not bad. They seemed to say keelah se'lai a lot, maybe too much. I don't think it should be used so commonly, maybe more like we would use "oh thank god" or maybe even "may the force be with you." It may be one of the only words in the Quarian language we know but it shouldn't be what they say every other word. This was just a slight nit pick though.
This was still very, very good and I look forward to more.
Church "Caboose" Shepard
| Sharrukin chapter 1 . 8/6/2013
Well, that was a rather powerful little vignette. Nicely done. Battle and war are hell and you caught that very well in just a few words.
Couple of mechanical issues, not enough to distract for more than a few moments at a time.
"The ancestors would embrace her for her bravery. But, she was so close to the Homeworld, so close." One too many commas there - you don't need the one after "but." In fact I might almost consider finding a way to combine those two sentences so they read more smoothly.
Spelling was largely fine, but you had one nasty glitch: "This was there best chance." You wanted "their" there :-).
Not sure that "by Keelah" is the right phrasing. I see where you're going with that - one can make a good case that "keelah" means "homeworld" so you're having Myla swear by the homeworld. It's just that I don't think we _ever_ hear a quarian character in-game use that particular phrase. Seems like a small thing to worry about, but you never know what will catch a reader's attention and pull him out of the story, and it had that effect on me.
Overall a superb vignette. You've got me wanting to read more of your work.
| M.B.Liddle chapter 1 . 4/18/2013
Everything I've come to expect from reading your work; short, sweet, intense. More of the same, in the most positive way possible. I look forwrd to more of these little ficlets.
| Sifriria chapter 1 . 2/22/2013
Oh my goodness. This fic immediately caught my eye, and I'm really glad it did. I'd really like to see more fics featuring this character; already you seemed to have caught her essence. Here's to hoping, non?
Hopefully Myla makes it to Rannoch!
Sorry if this double-posts. I'm in a place with horrible connection. :/
| LegionN7 chapter 1 . 2/21/2013
Meanwhile on the Endar Spire... Er, Torus...
Pretty good description wise. I guess quarians might not know too much working biology but why try stuffing brains in? Brains arent intestines. Ill chalk it up to shock.
Youve got me hungry now
| Hoplite39 chapter 1 . 2/19/2013
Oh, that was for me? How sweet. Of course, the sweetness did get past the first paragraph of the story.
As usual, great action. It would be easy to imagine such a devastating battle between the Geth and the Quarians. It really felt like it an a event that would happen.
In the end, a great story full of action and tragedy from start to finish. If this site had an action genre, the this story would fit it perfectly.
| 1054SS325MP chapter 1 . 2/16/2013
Rule number one: Never try to put organs back inside the body. It never seems to help anyway. Lol, j/k, Paulus is totally dead.
Good chapter, exciting fight scene. I like that she used her omni-blade. I never did like how in the game, Shep was the only one to ever use it.
| PadawanMage chapter 1 . 2/12/2013
And how many different versions of this battle played throughout the Battle for the Homeworld?
Very sad at the end, but you did add almost every version of Geth...thank goodness no Prime, or else no one would've survived!
Maybe a separate story where Myla makes planetfall and meets with Geth before Shepard convinces both side to a truce? Just an idea...
| Aeternix chapter 1 . 2/11/2013
No Paulus noooooooo!
Damn, that one hurt. I wanted to see that Quarian make it through, espeacially since he seemed to be able to control Mylar and be a great support for her. I loved the characterization here and though we caught only a glimpse (a rather intense glimpse I might add) we still received a lot of character from these two, which is very hard to do in such little space. I feel like the story could easily be another 1000 words and to some extent, I think it would better it. Some descriptions felt a bit lacking and some transitions were a bit abrupt. These are all stylistic things and are mostly my opinion since I always like a more fleshed out story.
But don't get me wrong, what you have here is great. You are amazing at pulling such heart wrenching emotions out of such small spaces that I cannot help but applaud you. Drawing such deep emotions with characters we meet in the first sentence is very difficult and you pulled it off.
Overall a great chapter that provides a nice companion to the Rannoch mission in Mass Effect 3 (I'm guessing that this is set during that time). Great job and I look forward to more of these solid, emotional one-shots.
| Osage chapter 1 . 2/11/2013
For every victory there is a significant loss and that's what really sucks. I liked how you handled this, both Myla and Paulus totally sound and feel like the quarians would have during that battle. I love how the geth were a formidable enemy but these two still managed to kick their asses and almost make it...almost. Makes me hate the entire war all over again. But well done and you use wonderful descriptions as always.
| Vergil1989 the Crossover King chapter 1 . 2/10/2013
That sucked! I hate depressing stories like this since they always make me want to go all teary-eyed lol. Joking aside, it was a good story Kendoka Girl and I think I might give Vila a try after all if you write this good all the time. Adios!
| Full-Paragon chapter 1 . 2/9/2013
Keelah Se'lai, Myla vas Torus. May you soon be Myla vas Rannoch! As always, I love your little one shots :)
| Rockycombo chapter 1 . 2/9/2013
Ouch. Right in the feels.
Your ability to make me care about characters is so few words is always impressive. Another fitting oneshot for your multiplayer adventures, keep it up!