|Reviews for In Which Percy Learns Ice-skating And Explains Constellations|
| ReillyJade chapter 1 . 4/10
Oh, I adored this. :) Percy/Audrey has really begun to grow on me over the past few years and it's quickly becoming one of my favorite pairings.
This was a unique look at the ship. Nearly every Percy/Audrey story I read depicts Percy as having met Audrey after the war. That's how it goes in my own head canon, too, but I like this different twist you have on their relationship. It makes me wonder if wanting to keep her safe was a contributing factor as to why Percy returned to Hogwarts to fight. Hmm. Something for me to ponder further. And when a story makes me think, I see it as the mark of a good story, so bravo to you. :D
I particularly like your characterization of Audrey here. She seems to be the perfect girl for Percy, showing him how to have fun and that it's okay to take a break from working for a while. He seems to really need that, I think. Also, the fact that she's Muggle (and that he met her in the Muggle world) is a special touch. It adds to her innocence; she doesn't know about the brewing war, and it's a good reminder for Percy that there's still some purity left in the world. Plus, she's a bit of a challenge for him, which I love. He's seemingly an expert in everything else, but when it comes to women... hehe. It's cute. :p
The only thing I'd like to point out is this: given both Percy's knowledge of astronomy and his tendency to be proper about things learned in school, I have a feeling he'd be inclined to correct Audrey (or at least /think/ about it) when she refers to Ursa Major and Ursa Minor as the Big Dipper and Little Dipper, respectively. The latter two terms are used more commonly, of course, but Percy seems the type who would use the technical terms. This is obviously a very minor (no pun intended, haha) thing and didn't hinder my enjoyment of the story, but was just something I noticed.
Overall, this was a lovely one-shot about what I consider to be a very underrated ship. Thank you so very much for sharing it with us in the Showcase! :)
| Uni Shall Not Sink chapter 1 . 3/18
Oh I just love this! I actually wish it went longer and continued into Percy telling Audrey about magic but this was really cute. I spotted a few mistakes [cacao instead of cocoa] but none too distracting at all; over all this was really cute and I love how you made Audrey a Muggle - something I see a lot of time, but personally I make her a muggleborn - and I love how he kept messing up saying things about magic when he really isn't supposed too. Anyway, awesome job!
| Forever Siriusly Sirius chapter 1 . 2/26
hahaha this was very cute. I haven' read much percy/audrey, but the way you wrote them was adorable. I love how he learnt to ice skate in this, I felt he was really in character being apprehensive about how these think little blades were supposed to support him, and how he was scared when audrey tugged him forwards. But audrey was so proud of him it was so cute! And then Percy taught her to see the stars which was lovely, they both learnt something. I love all his wizarding related slip ups, especially his excuse for muggle tehehe. Lovely job!
| hiddenhibernian chapter 1 . 2/18
“That dozens of people were risking their lives” - this is really funny, and vintage Percy! Of course he would exaggerate the dangers, he's not exactly the most mellow Weasley in canon...
“if you obey all the rules all the time” - that's Percy in a nutshell, isn't it? I love how you're showing Audrey making him challenge himself a little bit.
“As always, a warm feeling spread through him as he held hands with Audrey” - aww, that was very sweet without being saccharine!
This is obviously a sequel so you might have tackled it earlier, but I've always thought that the Weasleys know so little about the Muggle world that they never would be able to pass for normal people (having grown up in a cult is the only rational excuse I've been able to come up with myself...). Notwithstanding his slip with the word 'Muggle', Percy must have had a really tough job not to arouse any suspicions in Audrey if they've been going out for two months. Just things like not having seen any films, or knowing about bands must be really hard to explain away, never mind not being up to speed on current affairs or technology.
The astronomy lesson is actually really enjoyable for the reader, too: it makes me want to go out stargazing to see if I can get beyond the Dippers. Percy explains it very well.
I love the title, by the way; it has just enough hints about the content to make perfect sense after reading, while really giving nothing away.
I really enjoyed this, and it fits nicely into canon too. Well done!
“cacao” - think this should be cocoa
“high school” - if this is set in England it ought to be secondary school
| Ginger Blue chapter 1 . 2/11
I am loving the Percy/Audrey one shots! I really hope you continue because this is the first time in a long time I've found any really good Percy stories.
If I could suggest some mild constructive critisism? Having someone else read over or "Beta" your stories would prevent any minor spelling or grammar errors.
Please keep writing!
| Bad Mum chapter 1 . 1/29
This is sweet and lovely. I have a soft spot for Percy and I like how you've written him here. He's still strait-laced, but it seems that Audrey and living as a Muggle is loosening him up a bit. The idea of Percy abandoning the magical world during that last year of the war is an intriguing one. I like the line about Arthur being proud of him; nice bit of irony there. He covered up his slips well, but you get the feeling that sooner or later Audrey is going to twig that there's something decidedly different about him.
| DobbyRocksSocks chapter 1 . 1/28
Aww. That was too cute. I've never read muggle! Audrey before, but I think it fits really well. I loved the slip ups from Percy, they made me laugh. At the beginning, I think you mean Cocoa, or your talking about a drink I don't know. I'm not sure.
I love the differences between them, and how they seem to work despite them. The last line was adorable :D
| Lillielle chapter 1 . 1/25
Awww. This is really cute! There are some spelling etc. errors throughout (like in the first paragraph, a "frisk" afternoon?), but overall, I like it. I like how nervous Percy is around Audrey, and I also like the...juxtaposition, I suppose? Of how he's so scared and dependent on her for ice-skating, but then does know a lot about the constellations and is able to teach her. The slip-ups kept making me laugh. XD (Like really, Percy? Muggle for girl? That doesn't even make sense. XD) But overall, it was really sweet, and I love Percy's wish at the end!
| VictoryNike chapter 1 . 1/19
This was really interesting to me because I haven't read much Percy/Audrey fanfiction. It was hilarious how you incorporated little pieces of Percy's bookish, rule-loving nature into his learning to ice skate. My favorite line was probably when Percy asks Audrey what the "rules" for ice skating are. Hilarious!
I also liked how you made Audrey a muggle. For some reason I always thought she would be magical, but I like how you used her being a muggle to reveal some of Percy's character and regret when he says that his dad would be proud and when he wonders how his family is.
Overall I thought it was very cute, especially the last line. Oh, Percy. xD
| Smeagolia chapter 1 . 1/17
I thought this was really cute. It's nice to see Percy portrayed as something other than a big know-it-all that everyone hates. I believe Percy was always a good guy on the inside. This reminded me of one of those stories where some guy believes that everything has to make sense and go along with the textbooks, then a girl he loves shows him differently. It was funny to watch him learn something muggle, and I never thought of the possibility that Percy would marry a non-wizard, but I liked it. I think you could maybe come up with a more creative title, but other than that, this was a really sweet story, and the last line was adorable and funny, how he mentions her weird hobbies. :)
| keeptheotherone chapter 1 . 1/14
Aw, these two are sweet! I especially liked Percy's insecurity and his little slips about the magical world; he always comes across so perfect in the books, but of course he must have some flaws other than being perfect ;) In the second sentence, I think you mean "bright, *brisk* afternoon" (frisk is a verb, like what a police officer does to search a suspect for weapons, although it's probably just a typo :) ). His surprise that he is liked and making friends fits with his canon character as well, and I liked Audrey too, the way she was kind and didn't make fun of him not knowing how to ice skate but wasn't afraid to tease him either.
| HedwigBlack chapter 1 . 1/8
I love your take on PercyAudrey. Muggle!Audrey is so fun to read and I think it sets you up for a lot of awkwardness on Percy's part, which is always interesting. Almost giving himself away by calling her a Muggle was great. Good save on his part, too!
Percy thinking about his family is great. It gives us a sense of when this story is happening. The years when Percy wasn't around are interesting because we could come up with what he was doing in the meantime and really, there's so many possibilities. I love stories that try and fill in the blanks.
And I like the way they bond over things that make them so different. Even if Audrey doesn't realize /why/ Percy's so different, it's still very sweet. Stargazing is romantic and I love that you used Percy's knowledge of Astronomy to impress her. But I'm also glad you didn't go overboard on the fluff. I think you created a nice balance which made this an enjoyable read. Lovely job! :D
| JanieNine chapter 1 . 1/8
I really like this. It's quite adorable. That said, you're telling instead of showing! You literally say at the beginning that he was discovering new things about her eery day. Show that through your story instead. You don't need to be so obvious to make sure we get your point. But don't worry; I think I've said this to every single person I've reviewed, or close to it. Showing over telling is hard, and I still do it in my own work. You also say, "teasing him" at the end when the reader knows that she's teasing him. You're doing a great job with your imagery and character interactions, so you don't need to explain it to us.
I don't have anything to say about the plot. Too cute for words. I wholeheartedly approve. :DD
| musefan929 chapter 1 . 1/8
Wow! I definitely had to read a story with such an interesting title like this! I normally don't like Percy that much, but this was a different and sweet approach to his character. It is interesting to think that maybe he would fare better with Muggles than his own kind, it makes a lot of sense I think. I also enjoy the thought of a story in which Percy navigates a new relationship with a Muggle.
I enjoyed Audrey and the scene in which they are star-gazing was beautifully done. You can tell that they both get a lot from each other.
One thing: a few minor spelling errors throughout. I recommend reading it aloud to yourself or scanning through it carefully. "Cacao" should be "cocoa" if you are talking about hot chocolate. "Loose" should be "lose".
Overall, great job- I honestly enjoyed it a lot! :D
| Michy Drarry Shipper chapter 1 . 1/4
This was nice. I like this take on Percy and Audrey's relationship, and the fact that you've set it during the war. I love how the first thing that popped into Percy's head when he accidently said Muggle was that he was going against the Statute of Secrecy *snigger* He's always such a stickler for the rules. Their star gazing was really sweet. I would use a comma instead of a colon before Audrey's direct speech, "Percy, look!" Good work :)