|Reviews for An Unusual Start|
| Blue Wisteria4273 chapter 6 . 3/24/2014
Aaaahhhhh! Oh well I'm pretty sure that it's Victini. It makes sense with how people react to it as well as the description of the egg. Anyway, please update soon!
| WyldClaw chapter 6 . 11/15/2013
what a great battle
| WyldClaw chapter 4 . 11/15/2013
cooooool! leo caught a riolu
| WyldClaw chapter 2 . 11/15/2013
i like the idea of the egg as leo's starter
| WyldClaw chapter 1 . 11/15/2013
i wonder what kind of starter leo will catch
| maycontestdrew chapter 6 . 11/7/2013
WOOAAAAAH! DUUUUUUDE! I NEED TO LEARN FROM YOU! HOW DO YOU MAKE YOUR CHAPTERS SO FLIPPIN LONG, INTRIGUING AND AMAZING AT THE SAME TIME? XD
Hmm, the starter wasn't as interesting and intriguing as you usually make it, but it was alright! After all, there was the denotation about the copntrasting characters! XD That was a really clever way of comparing the situation - so rather than a climax hooker, this works in a way, too! XD
It seems you have been taking my grammatical advice into consideration! That's great - because in your previous chapters, the recurring errors have been decreasing; and although there may be some familiar errors here and there, it happens to everyone! Also, when Alder first spoke, his quotation should have been on the same paragraph - not needed to be sperated. Keep the sheep with the pen, alright? XD
WOAH, WOAH, WOAH! JUST, HOLD ON A SECOND! WAS I SEEING A PEDOPHILE ALERT FROM ALDER? THAT IS CRAAAAAAAZEH! *tackles Elder* YOU INSANE PERSON! I ACTUALLY HAD RESPECT FOR YOU UNTIL YOU BECAME THAT PEDOPHILE! XD Hahah, I'm kidding... After all, since this is a Fanfic, I guess character OOC is absolutely fine!
Erm, at one point, I think there should have been a question mark rather than an exclaimation mark. Well, I dunno what you were thinking, but I recommend the question mark instead. It seems more appropriate - and convenient for that matter, especially if you decide to read it aloud. Also, I really do suggest you rad your story aloud to yourself before posting it - just for expression issues. Because you will find some repetition of words -w hcih is fine - but is not fine in one sentence. I found a few of those there. Also be careful - remember how I told you about the comma splice? Well, you sometimes mixed up a semi-colon for a comma.
GOOD JOB JOEL! YOU WERE AWESOME! Alsop, when you were writing in perspective, take it as an oppurtunity to include some personality and thoughts from your character! I've seen you do it amazingly before, I'm sure you should keep doing it! And don't forget the significant difference between 'can' and 'may'! Have I already told you to distinguish them when typing up a chapter Or was that somebody else? Hm... I DUNNO! XD
Hmm, well Sabrina is a rookie - and it's great she won and all... But to win just like that? I think it might end up seeming like Sabrina is a Mary Sue - you might want to change that. Otherwise readers will assume that your characters will win every match etc.
I honestly don't think it would be fair on Leo to go two against one! Poor Leo! Oh, and great job with preventing perfect characters for that bit! At least Leo will certainly NOT be a Gary Sue... XD Also, I don't think it would be the nature of Gym Leaders to do such a thing. I think they would either allow a one-on-one, or for Leo to rent/borrow a Pokemon. It's a bit inconsiderate of them!
HOW THE HECK DO YOU DO IT? MUST YOU ALWAYS INTRIGUE ME WITH YOUR HOOKING ENDINGS? XD GOOOOD JOB!
Grammatical errors? PM me.
| maycontestdrew chapter 5 . 10/7/2013
Oooh, this mysterious parcel has even got me anxious! I'm attempting to anticipate the outcomes of the parcel, meh, but with no avail...
Aha, a very big hat!
Good job with describing the battle. You sure are an expoert at Pokemon battling, aren't you?
You know what I love? How your characters aren't "Mary/gary Sue's". It makes the story construction more stimulating and readers, who WILL BE hooked, can NEVER predict the conclusion!
I don't mean to sound harsh, but I will try giving solid advice so you can improve! The story is excellent, but since you are writing in first person, try inclusing a bit more personality. You understand what I mean?
You did an OK job in grammar, although there are some errors - but hey, everyone makes them!
Good job! I cannot wait for your next update!
| SuperDaikenki chapter 4 . 7/15/2013
| maycontestdrew chapter 4 . 6/21/2013
Alright! I am certainly staying tuned!
You know, you are extremely good at expressing OCs emotions and personality. I think that's really good!
And you definately know how to build up tension and suspense, with mystery and keeps readers, such as me, hookes in.
| shin obin chapter 3 . 4/20/2013
| Secret Saturn chapter 3 . 4/20/2013
Cute! I liked it. Keep up the good work!
| Mister L chapter 3 . 4/20/2013
This was really cool, can't wait to see what is the pokémon inside the poké-egg, please update soon
| Matseyeoner chapter 1 . 3/26/2013
not bad concept, idea, story. dont use words like bro and coz, seems like your seeling yourself cheap doing so.
| FallenAngel1235 chapter 2 . 3/12/2013
| zoruarules4 chapter 2 . 2/27/2013
Team Plasma, Team Rocket, Team Magma and Aqua, Team Galactic..
Hm. Their offical sign must be of a hawk holding a pistol gun