|Reviews for Sweet Temptation|
| Guest chapter 1 . 7/8/2014
This was much better than I thought it would be
| ChiiRyeeBiee chapter 1 . 6/3/2014
Goodness gracious me that was... *wipes falling tear* ...so...beautiful. That detail and emotion interweved in such a story... *dabs face with handkerchief* ...so...amazing. Five stars! I can't even make a good enough review to compliment your writing ability :/ you are very talented to have created such a beautiful piece of work.
Simply wonderful. You are awesome.
| CanadianCold chapter 1 . 10/18/2013
The sheer beauty of this story is absolutely remarkable. It was mentioned previously in other comments, but, my god, you have written a piece of seductive art! This story is beyond words; I am quite literally speechless, which is a rarity for a political science major. The intense emotions, the unadulterated love, the passion, it was just... perfect! I absolutely love this and were you to make this into more than one a shot, it would probably be the best fan fiction on this site.
| Guest chapter 1 . 7/28/2013
That was the best story I've e read on here. No contest.
| Alex Demonica chapter 1 . 3/19/2013
Oh god the feels! THE FEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLSSSSSSS!
I have died.
| Yuukilover chapter 1 . 3/5/2013
Beautiful. Really amazing thank you!
| Guest chapter 1 . 2/23/2013
Let me just say that this is one of the few good RoxasSora stories here on (even though it was a pwp, one of my guilty pleasures heh). I do hope you write more like it.
| Guest chapter 1 . 2/21/2013
That was really really looooooooong one-half. Nice story to
| Vaed chapter 1 . 2/21/2013
Before I begin, I'd like to let you know that I let this story digest for a while. Yeah, it might be a pwp smutfest (I'd actually argue that it isn't the first thing), but who says I can't examine a sweet piece of candy like any other delectable dessert? I'd like to preface that my OTP for the longest time has been RoxasxSora, and nowadays it's hard to come across a story that really captures the essence of what is possible with the pairing. Maybe I'm perhaps reading too hard into this story, but I thought that the little subtle touches that are present in this story are brilliant nonetheless.
Let's start with the dynamic that is presented here. Roxas seemingly appears out of nowhere in the narrative. He appears like a violent impulse of the world, donning his organization coat and plunging immediately in his hunt for the darling brunette. You juxtapose this unrelenting hunger ala Roxas with the alarming depression that Sora has. This makes alot of sense: Roxas is Sora's other half, and like an alter ego, it would make sense for the other self to appear in Sora's time of distress; in this way, it's almost as if Sora's psyche created the Roxas that is hunting him down-this would also explained why Roxas can't explain his impulses himself, as if the chaos in Sora's world is answered in the magnetism and compassion that Roxas feels for the boy-which can be explained by Sora's utter desire to BE desired in his time of need, as if Roxas is fate's answer to Sora's wish in a dark sort of way. It's interesting enough that it seems that the only world that Roxas is involved in is Sora's; when Sora acknowledges Roxas when he is assaulted, not only is Roxas not mentioned in the rest of the context of Sora's life, but he immediately recognizes Roxas and doesn't fend him off, even confiding in Roxas about his problems as if Roxas knew about it already, like Roxas simply awakened from Sora's distress (as I mentioned before). This is also suggested by the straightforward way that Roxas seduces Sora, offering him complete release, going along with this wonderful drug motif you set up, giving Roxas a little bit of a hallucinogenic impression, a muse of sorts. Again, I'm sorry if I'm reading too much into this, but these things immediately struck me as brilliant subtleties; they are only my theories though, and I don't mean to impose anything you didn't intend. (If anything, all this thinking just goes to show you how involved I've become with this story)
I absolutely adore the storm motif you have in the story. It emulates the disjointed atmosphere that both boys face; there is delicious angsty conflict in both their lives. The sense of foreboding that the darkness exhibits sets the tone, and the almost-violent, passionate impulses of their love-making is reflected in the momentary storm that pervades the rest of the story. Many authors forget the power that a good atmosphere can augment, but you put it to use well. Probably the best part is that the use of weather is not gimmicky nor inconsistent. It ebbs and flows with Roxas and Sora, again evoking this feeling that for the time of the story, the world itself is reeling from the intense introspective battlefield that amasses within the two boys.
It's really hard to review your smut, and I mean that in a good way. A dime in a dozen authors will use sooooo many cliche pathways through sex whether it looked ripped straight from hetero porn, using annoying and generic buzzwords and generally unfitting dialogue. It's hard to review your smut because it's so easy to get caught up in the passion of it all. Whether it's the tension of your narrative, the slow, delicate and detailed buildup, or the intense cascading onslaught of feelings and metaphors, the love-making is fantastical enough to make my endorphins go crazy but natural enough for me to believe it and simulate it in my head. You make it so real, and you constantly remind the reader of the thoughts going through both boys; they're human. Teenage humans. Though there are obvious embellishments as there is in fiction porn, it's there for a reason, and let's be real, this is fiction. You select what you make "easier" in writing sex well enough-you're conveying passion here, not a gay sex manual. You strike a great balance. And Jesus Christ it is SOOO DETAILED! SO many authors lack the discretion in smut that you have, I can't emphasize this enough. You make it so deliciously slow, building it up to a cliff, and just creating this wonderful crescendo that touches all the right places and tugs at all the right heart-strings. Everything from a gentle kiss to the roar of the slamming headboard is written with utmost effect. A truly fresh breath of air.
I have to emphasize how fulfilling it is to have the psychology of the Roxas and Sora present during love-making; it's absolutely crucial and provides a crux for the story. I haven't smiled so much while reading smut when I read Roxas' ecstatic epiphany that they were going to be lovers, or bitten my lip when Sora mused about his desire to be wanted and his realization of how Roxas felt for him. All of this augments the dialogue during the sex and makes it all the more effective. Couple that with very deliberate gestures-widening eyes, sliding fingers, soft touches-and you have yourself some holistic-ass smut. And let me tell you, it is goddamn refreshing. Your smut isn't "dry"... it isn't just physical description. I would cite examples of how well you utilize psychology and context, but there are too many! Whether it's the drug metaphor used early on, the sounds of the mattress, the changing of the weather, the feelings of completeness and desire reflected through release... these fantastical metaphors and cues dig deep into the heart and emotions of Roxas and Sora and remind us just how badly they need this. All these different ingredients give reason to why this is a RoxasSora fanfiction, and why we can't just replace the word "Roxas" with "Riku" with reason. It gives this fiction re-readability value since there it's just dense with detail that might be (criminally) missed. You personify the two boys and their relationship to each other so deliberately; it makes so much sense.
Some nitpicks I had with your story is that sometimes, REALLY REALLY small ones, like "without abandon" probably meant to be "with abandon". Perhaps Roxas first capturing of Sora is a little awkward considering how dark you set his desire up to be. Perhaps in the title, "temptation IS a powerful thing" rather than "was".
But let me tell you this, after reading midnight television, which I'll probably review sooner or later, you have VASTLY improved your writing. I don't mean to undermine MT, but I felt that this felt way more professional, revised and thought-out comparatively, and it's amazing just how improved the writing here is.
So yeah, I enjoyed this story very much. I want to thank you for your wonderful story. I wrote this review because I fully endorse your writing ability, and I think it's criminal the number of reviews you have so far. I wish that my thoughts are more articulated, but I knew I had to get my thoughts posted, as scattered as they are, because I didn't want to wait too long. I could honestly go on and on.
| ShadowYin-Yang chapter 1 . 2/14/2013
God, words can't express how beautiful and full of perfection this piece this!
| Kigen Dawn chapter 1 . 2/14/2013
Two words, LOVE IT!
Not what I expecte at first but it was better than I thought it would be.
| HollowPhoenix chapter 1 . 2/10/2013
This was BEAUTIFUL.
Thank you so much.
| Guest chapter 1 . 2/9/2013
Good story, momma likes it... more please, I really enjoyed the part where Sora stopped on his way home and Roxas nearly ran into him, it was too real of what could happen. I love Roxas just as much as Riku with Sora. I think you are making me like it even more with how nice you wrote this, if you could though please post a sequel? That way you can do more of this kind of thing after Sora confronts Kairi and Riku with Roxas by his side...
| TheAnnoyingVoice chapter 1 . 2/9/2013
I have been blown away by sheer beauty and perfection that this story is made up of. When I first started reading I expected the story to go in an entirely different direction from what it did. You had me believing this was going to be a story of Roxas as a prostitute, who eventually meets up with Sora, and then they go to a hotel or Sora's home and then the smut starts and goes on from there. Oh boy was I ever wrong. But let me tell you something: I don't regret reading it at all.
Even though the story is more or less nothing but smut, I thought it was so tastefully and descriptively written that I was sad to see it end. The way you described some of the events leading up to, and after the sex, I can't deny it made a little hot under the collar so to speak. One of the things that stood out to me the most in the story, other than the obvious sexual tension radiating from Sora and underlining Roxas feels for him, I really liked how you described the thunder at this point: "[...] muted like a television or the popping of an eardrum." It was something I just had to mention, but it's a beautiful simile and it makes the story feel so real, because I can actually imagine how the thunder must sound, along with heavy breathing and moans and whatever else.
I love the end as well, Roxas's obsession of Sora slowly transitioning to love just with that last sentence of him nuzzling his cheek into Sora's hair. It makes me smile to myself at the image that creates in my mind. The whole story is like reading a book with pictures, audio, and smells.
Great job! I applaud you for writing such an amazing story, and I wish you all the best on future ones. Take your time writing and have fun! :)