|Reviews for Another Kerrigan|
| Goob65 chapter 17 . 7/16
Hey, been following your story for ages, and it's my favourite story on fanfic right now! Hoping to see more of that 'dream' that Lizzy had. Anyhow, in the paragraph involving Mutalisks you have troupe instead of troop and Mutualists instead of Mutalisks.
Hoping to see the next chapter, have a nice few months! 3
| Golderik chapter 17 . 4/28
That is somme good sh*t, i wander how liz Will react to the hidded bombs léter on
| ThatWeirdMind chapter 17 . 1/29
College pains. I know that feel. You should add some POV of Amon trying to control the Zerg.
| pt1oef chapter 16 . 12/23/2015
Glade you update again, this isn't easy.
| mbh040 chapter 17 . 12/23/2015
Really enjoyed this chapter :) The first part actually made me a little nervous XD
| akatosh117demon chapter 17 . 12/23/2015
it is awesome! MORE!
| akoslows chapter 16 . 12/8/2015
Please update soon. I am really invested in this story!
| Random Guy chapter 16 . 11/13/2015
| Darth Sygnious chapter 16 . 8/25/2015
Yep, the more I read it, the more I feel its like:
Zeratul - Lizzy - Kerrigan Obi-Wan - Anakin - Palpatine
Too bad about the zergling. Yep, I bet Lizzy is going to distance herself further away from the protoss, and join the Swarm in the end. Now, only Jim and Matt are the final obstacles. What will they do?
I just realized something: From what I have read in the Dark Templar Saga, and from what I remember in the games, the protoss always address individuals by their full names (or at least the last name). Jim was always addressed as "Raynor", "Friend Raynor" or "James Raynor", and I remember that the main characters from the Dark Templar Saga was always addressed as "Jacob Jefferson Ramsay" and "Rosemary Dahl", every single time.
Don't you think the protoss would call Lizzy by her full name 'Elizabeth' as well?
Some knowledge for you, as you might have some conflicts with canon lore: Raynor and his companions broke the controllers on the gate after shutting it down, and it wasn't repaired until three years later, by Jake Ramsay, with his body possessed and under control by the protoss preserver Zamara. Though I wouldn't demand you to read the Dark Templar Saga for this lore, I would strongly recommend you to check the Starcraft wiki for these details, as you write the story.
Still, there is the gate they escaped through in the terran campaign of Brood War, that self-destructed. From my understanding, it appears to be a different one. Based on this, what you write holds, although only barely.
Look up "warp gate (xel'naga)" on the Starcraft wiki for more details.
But even so, the Raiders did not come to Shakuras until after they had secured Mengsk (or maybe not until the end of BroodWar, the sources are vague on the former point). Your story has taken a different path from canon lore at this point. When they got to Shakuras in the canon story, they had already taken steps to help Kerrigan. Not that I consider a serious problem, but you should state differences you make from the canon lore. The readers would appreciate that, since the average reader will assume that what he/she reads is what happens in canon lore.
Lizzy scaring Matt. Now that was fun, good job! :)
And good, she finally told Jim what happened to her at that lab.
| Darth Sygnious chapter 15 . 8/25/2015
Enough with the apologies already!
The Khalis mission to Char...
Funny, I realize that one actually need to have played the game for the descriptions to make (more) sense. Not too interesting part of the story, but this is the necessary evil when writing a Starcraft fiction that follows canon story, so it has to be done. But perhaps you could include more personal fights for Lizzy, to make the story more original from her perspective, when in canon battles?
Otherwise, you did fairly good though.
I did actually laugh when Kerrigan beat Artanis at the goal :P
"Zeratul treats me like a child, and doesn't trust me".
Wow, got flashback from Star Wars, a bit like the relationship between Anakin and Obi-Wan. That would make Kerrigan more like Palpatine, no?
I wouldn't be too surprised if she ends up with the Swarm after Brood War, unless Matt and Jim beats Kerrigan to it, in fighting for her heart and soul.
Lizzy piloting a protoss ship, fun fact:
From what I read in the Dark Templar Saga, protoss technology is designed to be interfaced with psionic powers. Fortunately Lizzy is psionic, any normal human would not have been able to use this technology the regular way. You are lucky :P
Not sure if I would recommend cutting down words, like 'Hydras' and 'Mutas' instead of writing the full words 'Hydralisks' and 'Mutalisks'. A character in the story could say it, but the narrator is supposed to be fully objective and rather non-living (unless it's a main character, from which we see the I-perspective).
Overall, a good chapter.
| Darth Sygnious chapter 14 . 8/15/2015
Again, how can a protoss give a breathing exercise, when they don't breathe in the same way?
I've pointed this out earlier.
Otherwise, good training session with Zeratul. I somehow get the feeling that her ability to sense hidden Dark Templar may become a source of fear among the protoss, if she ends up with the Swarm after Brood war.
And identity crisis? Yep, definitely.
You mixed up Aldaris and Artanis in the discussion with Kerrigan (about the new Overmind). Aldaris is the Judicator, while Artanis is the Executor (unless you stick to pre-SC2 lore (Preator), before Blizzard retconned it). I suggest you fix it.
Funny how Lizzy is sort of a connecting element between the protoss and Kerrigan; she even gave them an encouragement speech. Brings interesting possibilities... she will be forced to select one of these bonds while cutting the other: Kerrigan/Swarm or the Raiders/protoss? The way I see it, anything can happen.
Kerrigan's logic in encouraging Lizzy to fight is... Simple. Straightforward. With an ounce of truth. Practical. Necessary. Dangerous.
To quote Luke Skywalker from the extended Star Wars universe:
"There are times when the end justifies the means. But when you build an argument based on a whole series of such times, you may find that you've constructed an entire philosophy of evil."
And there is the Matriarch, which we of course know is controlled by you-know-who (no, not Voldemort!). And again Kerrigan is portrayed as someone good to Lizzy.
The interesting aspects of your story, of how you treat the relationship between Lizzy and Kerrigan, is that this can end up in any direction, like I pointed out earlier. Where, who, which faction Lizzy ends up with. She's trust into a position where she is pulled into many directions, and she didn't want any of this.
In the end, I think her choice will be: Stay with Matt, or stay with Kerrigan. Stay with whatever remains with her humanity, or stay true to her zerg nature (I do confess that I have read chapters 15 and 16 before writing this).
| Dragontamer997 chapter 1 . 8/15/2015
Out of curiosity why would you use an OC when if the Overmind really did want to create a second Queen of Blades there is a perfect cannon character to use? I mean Nova is almost an exact copy of Sarah Kerrigan. A Ghost trained PI 10 psionic...kinda can't get a better choice than that. Just curious cuz I know some people hate reading about OC's as main characters so it just seems like an odd choice.
| izwan chapter 16 . 8/10/2015
It would be good to keep Lizzy's role as a voice of reason for Kerrigan. Since she will spend a lot of time beside Kerrigan, I wonder how deep the exposure she would have about Kerrigan's eventual plan, especially once the new Overmind dealt with.
Anyway, my opinion is that this is your story. You may not want to let readers fully dictate what you need to put in or not. It's okay to ask for feedback for the sake of writing improvement, and maybe a little bit of plot adjustment, but personally I prefer the whole plot to remain yours alone.
| Guest chapter 7 . 8/9/2015
who is Arya?
| Guest chapter 5 . 8/9/2015
a number of grammar mistakes especially with homophones.
I would suggest keeping her with Jim and Zeratul for the fic.
Though we may have to use a vambrace made by the Conclave, as the Dark Templar use a different method when focusing our power."
She is Zerg so wouldn’t a DT warp blade work better?
while their DARK brethren