|Reviews for Furinkan Mental Institution|
| Compucles chapter 3 . 2/20/2013
This is strange how Akane's conscious mind (I assume) still hasn't made the connection between Ryoga and P-chan, yet the stories she's supposedly told Ryoga have included that detail. This sounds like evidence in favor of Akane's memories previously being her reality. If that's true, I wonder if she's resistant to whatever happened due to having already overcome the Xi Fa Xiang Gao technique.
By the way, I loved the line in the previous chapter about describing Akane's memories as that of a magical land without a single cop.
| Richard Ryley chapter 3 . 2/20/2013
Ryoga's situation is painfully similar. While this universe's Akane doesn't keep him as a pet, he slips into her room while she is unconscious, which is just as bad. It's interesting that Ryoga knows that in Akane's world, he is P-chan. Either the other Akane is aware of that, and was muttering it in her sleep, or this Akane (who is therefore the same Akane, and insane) is unconsciously aware of it. She doesn't seem to be aware of the connection now, and doesn't seem to recognize the significance of Ryoga being raised by pigs. It'll be interesting to note if she puts the pieces together, or even cares about it, since she has enough problems dealing with this new reality.
The little skinny figure in Akane's memory of the past suggests that she really has been displaced into another reality. That makes her job easier, if only she can hold on to her sense of self. Cologne may not have the answers she is seeking, but someone has to have the knowledge she's looking for. Or, we can hope someone does, we haven't been able to see if the martial arts techniques like the Hiryo Shoten Ha and magical artifacts are real in this universe or not.
There's also been no clarification of who Akane's murdered fiance' was. Since Principal Kuno and Kodachi are present (and related) and Kuno hasn't appeared, I'm still holding out for him to be the victim. I imagine Akane will be stunned to learn that her alternate was capable of killing someone she considers no more than a minor annoyance.
| Guest chapter 3 . 2/20/2013
Wow this weird but so cool.I love how you have twisted everything around. You have a great grasp of how to describe things, makes me feel as if i am there. i cant wait till update keep up the fantastic work!
| Santamadre chapter 3 . 2/20/2013
Bravo! The characterization is superb! Everyone's them, if that makes any sense. Ukyo, I feel, has not have the opportunity to show us as she is yet, but so far so good.
The inclusion of the Bakeneko puts some light into what might be happening, althout that "small, skinny" thingy adds more doubts.
I loved the little glimpse we get from Ranko's problem. She doesn't seem as much afraid of cats as enraged by them. Wicked painting. Is the woman in the back their mom?!
I can't wait to get more of Ranma here. He seems to be everything Akane feared him to be, hillarious.
I'm really hooked. Keep it up!
| Guest chapter 2 . 2/18/2013
PLEASE KEEP THIS GOING ITS AMAZING! :)
| JeremyGU chapter 2 . 2/17/2013
I really like this premise. I'm looking forward to where you take it.
| Richard Ryley chapter 2 . 2/15/2013
I missed this last chapter, but you mean "inmates" not "interns".
"A thick wire-net fence towered above them all, bisecting the room in half"
"Bisecting" and "in half" is redundant. (They mean the same thing) Either make it "bisecting the room", or "cutting the room in half". Honestly, I kind of balked at "bisecting", while there's nothing wrong with it, it's not a commonly used word.
"The boys are in the other side."
I'd follow this with the first sentence of the next paragraph, showing that Ranko is the speaker. Then start the next paragraph with Akane becoming teary-eyed.
"She stared at the rising steam and, possessed by an overwhelming urge, grabbed the bowl and emptied it over Ranko's head."
Not sure if this is in response to one of the reviews, but this is a good test of whether things have actually been changed, or memories have just been messed with. I can see Akane continuing to try to find signs of some intelligence behind this, but if the curses are gone, that's a clear sign that reality has been changed. She may have to accept that, in this universe at least, her fantasies are just that.
I'm honestly not sure, but although you've definately spelled okonomiyaki right, I think the plural is okonomiyakis. Or, it could just be "okonomiyaki", the same word for singular and plural. It might be best to avoid the plural completely, and just have one there.
"Ranko snatched from her tray the apple"
Ranko snatched the apple from her tray.
"So, did she say anything about the guy that jumped them?"
This confused me, because I thought she was referring to the group of guys (presumably the Hentai Horde) that Akane beat up to get sent to the institution. However, I realize now she's probably referring to the same thing Ranko did in Chapter 1, Akane's story about Ranma's first meeting with Kuno. This could be somewhat clearer.
"Ukyo's a mad 'cause they put him on the girl's ward."
"She broke the fortunate cookie"
"AKANE SNAPPED OUT OF IF"
Akane snapped out of it. Also, Ranma and Ukyo calling each other "Ranchan" and "Ucchan" is cute.
"It was hard not to fix the eyes on his bared, tanned muscular torso"
He's not wearing the full uniform, was it ripped off of him, or is he just an egotistical show-off?
"So, you're Akane. I imagined you fat."
"Akane's eyes dwelled with tears."
Akane's eyes filled with tears. Also nice, that Akane would obviously appreciate a "normal" insult from him.
"He was proud of the fact not one girl had ever touched his couch more than once."
I assume this means what I THINK it means? So this Ranma is the womanizer Akane fears the old Ranma was. This is bound to really hurt her in the end.
"A low whistled caught his ear. Smock spread at his feet."
A low whistle caught his ear. (or, even better, caught his attention) Smoke spread at his feet.
"Akane grabbed into the cruel iron separating them as Ranma ran into the raising smock"
Akane grabbed onto the cruel steel separating them as Ranma ran into the rising smoke. You might also say "fence" or "chain links" instead of "steel".
"Screams of pain and imperative shouts filled the air"
While "imperative" is the right word, it's not as common as, say, "commanding shouts" or "shouts of authority".
"A guard emerged from the smock"
Smoke, again. You seem to get the rest of the uses of the word right.
"They killed ten people and injured six others before security officers reduced them"
Security officers restrained them.
"You killed your fiancée, Akane."
Fiance'. Fiancée is for females, fiance' for males.
Okay, obviously this is the big plot twist for the chapter. So, since Ranma is still alive and the Tendos have never heard of him (and he's not a Saotome) then Akane's fiance' is someone else. We've also been told Akane was institutionalized for defending herself from a GROUP of boys. I'm going to guess based on this that Akane's late fiance' is Kuno, and he was killed as part of that group.
However, the possibility exists we haven't been told the whole truth about why Akane's in the institution. Ranko's story about her and her brother's phobia of cats might not be the whole story either. Everyone else we heard their story second hand, Ranko is the only one who told her story herself.
This is definately an interesting concept, and I'm looking forward to seeing where it's going. The comparisons to "Sucker Punch" in the reviews have been interesting too, although at least half this cast is male, (or thinks they're male) so I don't see a lot of the themes of exploitation and fantasy from that movie played out here.
| Richard Ryley chapter 1 . 2/15/2013
Since there's a lot to cover I'm going to break it down, quote style:
"instead of letting me go, you're asking me stupid question!"
Stupid questions. You say "silly questions" in the next paragraph, so I assume you just missed it.
"pulled his glasses up the brick of his nose"
the bridge of his nose
I'm guessing Ranma, Ranko and Genma are not related? And I also assume Ranma/Ranko's last name is not Saotome.
"He's on the other ward"
He's in the other ward. Also Akane would answer "Why in another ward?"
"So, how 'bout you tell me what happens after you and Ranma went to School and that weird guy jumped you guys"
I'm gathering this is Ranko talking about Akane's "stories", and she means Kuno in his first episode. I'm not sure about this, but it comes up in chapter 2.
"Same as me. Attacked for the same pack"
Not sure what Ranko means here. Is she saying she and Ranma were attacked BY the same pack of cats, and got the same phobia? Or is pack a misspelling?
| Dagoni hide chapter 2 . 2/15/2013
You got my attention there
Good chapter and this cliffhanger aha
| James Birdsong chapter 2 . 2/15/2013
| poseidon's son chapter 2 . 2/15/2013
Akane killed Ranma?! This is confusing! Anyway its gettin more and more interesting. Nice chap. Waitin for the next one
| AliceTheBookGirl chapter 2 . 2/14/2013
Whoa! Insane chapter once again! I guess it's appropriate with the subject of this story being a mental institute.
So Akane killed her fiance? Who was that supposed to be? I hope we find out in the next chapter!
Oh, I wish I could be your beta, but I am not qualified to do so, according to . Darn those 6,000 words that need to be written!
I'll be waiting for the next update!
| Santamadre chapter 2 . 2/14/2013
Awesome! We've got a sexy jerk2000 Ranma, a cold imposing Mousse and a Dr Tofu that seems to really care! Can't wait to see what you've got in store for Ryoga, Kuno and Kodachi!
I loved the riot scene, there's fun, drama and accion. By the end, the story takes a darker turn.
I agree with your premise: chapter 1 could be incorporated to chapter 2 and make a good badass introduction for the story.
Keep it up!
| Dummy Perception chapter 1 . 2/12/2013
This...i want a continuation! Be waiting for it, so you better continue it.
While I don't really like Ukyo's mental state here, I still want to know more of the .
And why, pray tell, did you remove "Screaming in the Dark"? It was going to be a cool story, I think...
| Kachie chapter 1 . 2/11/2013
I like the idea and want to see where it goes. I agree with another reviewer though: needs more detail.