|Reviews for The God Slaying HeroKing|
| FM Tomomi chapter 5 . 4/8
One word: Boring. It's good that you care for details, but you put in too much it became a chore to read. Your story not meant for casual reading.
| Ascarde chapter 4 . 2/9
Very well, since you desire reviews I shall give you one.
The immediate and primary issue for this was that it was an entire fight. There is absolutely no reason to make a fight scene an entire chapter and to be honest I kinda lost my interest around the midpoint.
Nasu fights are as a generality extremely short and to the point. This was like a fight out of a shonen anime. Speaking of, unnecessary Japanese is unnecessary. Shirou (and you are implying Rider) is now capable of speaking all languages; there is no distinction to an omnilinguist.
Also, light speed. Not only is this physically impossible (not without completely fucking with the planet and atmosphere; side effects include firestorms, ripping the Earth's crust, hurricane like forces, etc) but so incredibly outclasses Nasu fighters it's almost laughable.
One of Nasu's fastest attacks is Hrunting. It is mentioned to move at Mach 10. That is not anywhere close to LS. Even if this is explained by Shirou being on the level of a Campione, it doesn't excuse Rin or Sakura, who are at this point relatively normal beings.
Side note, you also mistakenly describe Harpe as a sword when it's really more of a scythe. It's even called "snake hunter's scythe."
Rin also swears quite a lot, which I don't find to be very characteristic of her due to the whole "elegant calm Tohsaka" demeanor that she spent practically the entire story and most of her childhood perfecting. Shirou is difficult to write for more than a few writers, so I'm not going to comment on any OOCness.
Nitpicking more than anything on this point, but in the notes you mistakenly use all caps on Ea. Also, you shouldn't have told us you were going to introduce something that equals Ea and Avalon. That just seems completely OP. Rambling in your notes also turns off, as well as excessive length.
| Akuma-Heika chapter 5 . 2/6
Ch1 part 2
I thought it was Hero King or is it Hero to Woman King lol.
Without a doubt, a noble” you said without a twice. You’re not the only one who does that lol.
Surprised there were no taxes.
Why didn’t they use structural analysis (besides the pervy reasons)?
How does he lack experience? He had to give Saber prana in the ritual to survive and that used sex.
If it reconfigured itself why does he have the scar?
Since his circuits are repaired will he learn other magic now that he can do it?
They did research on his circuits and soul but not his body? As a campione, his body structure is different from a humans (his bones are extremely dense to the point it is comparable to solid high carbon steel and his muscles are denser as well). The regeneration and vitality should be measureable as well (to support both his cellular mitosis would need to be drastically improved and considering for normal humans the amount of energy absorbed from consumed foods is 7% any marked changes would be easy to identify).
Nice mantra for using the authority but if he carries all the curses of the world how can his enemies be cursed? Logic Bomb!
Will he get the Excalibur Morgan? He has the Excalibur and he has the power of Avenger, so will he combine them?
If they are the same than wouldn’t that mean Rider is Athena as well?
Hear the new and improved
Will Caren come to this universe? In Fate hollow, I believe it was, she was angra mainyu’s lover as he was put into Shirou’s form/possessed him. In that game, Angra Mainyu chose to kill himself to save humanity.
Will Rider get her sisters back? She consumed their flesh but they were not mortals so…she wanted a second happy life. Her sisters loved her and she only realized it as she died after she had killed them.
One of her only/few respites
How did the Einbernz have internet?
Any magic could be performed. Typed magic magi and you needed performed not performable for that sentence.
Infamous Magician Wizard Marshal. Might as well give him his title of Magician there considering he created a True Magic. Not that big of a deal one way or another though.
Found/discovered this fact” or just use only one of the words found or discovered.
Time is not as focused for the 2nd magic. Its tied into the fabric of space-time so it is manipulated somewhat but compared to the 5th magic time is not effected at all.
If she is Europe the date would be written as 13/2/2012. In Europe the day is put before the month.
If memory serves she would not have had any beauty for the battle against Perseus. She had become a monster that was able to eat both her human sized sisters simultaneously. Looked like a worm/snake if memory serves. Even you stated at the end of the paragraph she had no beauty by that time as well.
I am confused. If she only got her Eyes of Petrification after becoming a monster how did she protect her sisters beforehand?
Her eyes, as well as her senses’ full capacity, are released.
If Perseus is now a god, his magic resistance is A rank so how are the eyes effecting him now?
Upon you into STONE.
Except kinetic energy is a mundane concept and as a god he is immune to it. At least dmg wise.
Can she create the Bridle for controlling other beasts?
You forget Perseus is a god. His weapons would be A rank by default and as proven even Hades in GSBW had more strength than Berserker did. Perseus who was a God of Steel and a Godking of Gods would have been stronger than Hades physically and thus stronger than Berserker.
Since when do heroes need transformation sequences? Trust me to a woman who has nearly been raped it does not matter what her savior wears. A hero is not made because of a uniform.
Words of different LANGUAGES” is what I think you meant.
Some twists but they were nice touches. In Fate it was humanity who cursed the boy and called him Angra Mainyu to save themselves.
Can harm, and even kill, a god.
To me the dream was far too childish. I am jaded by reading the news though. Parents and siblings whoring out their children or younger siblings is fairly common. And in the scheme of things those were not that bad comparatively speaking. When such an act is a lesser evil you know something is wrong with the world.
From what is stated of Ea its full power would destroy the planet. It has the designation Anti-World for a reason after all. Gaia and Alaya would die as a result.
How are the spirits to powerful when the Grail is supposedly omnipotent according to you? The Heroic Spirits could not even challenge the TYPES (excluding Gilgamesh) but the Grail could.
In canon it was hinted Annie loved Godou. I am curious what you will do for those not officially in his harem but hinted to desire it. There are 4-7 girls I believe in that situation.
From memory Artus is not his real name but I might be wrong on that. Either way how would Alice know that name? He has been forgotten by all. The only names he could be remembered by humanity would be King who Appears at the World’s End or King of the End.
The Lion King and Fairy King swords are twins so how do they have different creations?
Shirou is older than Godou by a year or two.
Cecelia is from IS right? Need to check the last name.
| Akuma-Heika chapter 1 . 2/6
Realta Nua is the name of the port not one of the routes, Do you mean it is the Fate True End? I believe that was initially introduced in the Nua Port.
I will write now that after hearing plenty of complaints about superficial reviews I now write my reviews as pure questions or constructive criticism. I am not insulting you our putting down your work. If I didn’t like it I would not read, let alone review, it. Just wanted to give you a heads up because I have had problems in the past with forgetting to write some kind comments or my comments being taken as insults. Cannot put in emotion and that makes it possible to interpret in a different manner than I expected.
He hasn’t lived for a few decades so “I had it buried inside me for over a decade” something like that.
Will Illya live? He has Avalon will that be able to heal her? I would borrow aspects of St. Marcus’s work on the issue of the world’s mana. Nice little touch!
Neither did I” not me.
Curious if you will include the other Sabers (primarily Red [Mordred] and Alter)
Onii-chan oni is ogre after all. Little Ogre would be a very strange title.
From what I remember of Avenger’s past evil isn’t in his nature (anger and madness would be though). He was a normal guy who was then tortured and kept alive via magic with scripts for all of the evils of the world tattooed on his body and being given the name/title Angra Mainyu (not the origin of Angra Mainyu of myth but for this Heroic Spirit). He hated humans because of what they did to him for awhile anyway. His anger did subside to a degree. That’s all I remember of him on the top of my head. Is this an example of artistic license or is Shirou calling him evil do the combination of factors leading to his current existence.
Why did Avenger say it was “where he wanted to go”? He wanted Saber back to his world not to go to her after all.
Why is the chapter multi chapters?
I have WRONGED thee in the past. The tense must remain continuous for a single sentence.
If Alaya is Mother Earth would it not be a she?
You are, you…” If I am reading your intention write the common is needed to separate here. Unless you meant “You are me” then you do not need a comma.
Why 21? His arm sounds like Angra’s arm lol.
Is she his sword or his sheath lol?
The speed of sound is 761 mph so if they are going 500 they haven’t hit it yet let alone mach 3.
Those hands or these hands? Need to check but it sounds like it would be the later…than again it is Archer’s Reality Marble not his.
Gone mad hero
Wouldn’t the Heaven’s Feel Shirou match EMIYA better? He hated his past self after all. That would mean he hated the ideal.
Why did you say Unlimited Blade Works is a Noble Phantasm? Living humans can acquire it after all so it is not a crystalized legend.
Thanks for the fic. The flow needs some work but it is far from bad. I plan to enjoy this!
| ShineOnYouCrazyStar chapter 5 . 1/1
Epic fight scenes are epic, not enough Emiya on this chapter though. looking forward to more.
| Senju Kun chapter 5 . 12/28/2013
I know Godou is main protagonist in canon. But this is supposed to be a story of Shirou in Campione universe, so it will be great if you focus on Shirou more. Little bit of Godou here and there is good but a entire chapter is not necessary. Its like you are pulling Sasuke on Naruto. I mean lots of reader may have skimmed the chapter to get to Shirou part. But this your story so you are the boss here. Just telling.
| FenrirCrinos chapter 5 . 12/25/2013
Is an awesome fic men, wee need more :D
| karthik9 chapter 5 . 12/20/2013
It is excellent chapter. I look forward to future updates.
| wildrook chapter 5 . 12/19/2013
That's gonna hurt in the morning.
| jean5 5 chapter 5 . 12/18/2013
A good story...
Waiting for the encounter of those two.
| Lord Sigfry chapter 2 . 12/17/2013
Those descriptions of those "Goddesses" is quite frankly disgusting to read.
| The Arsenal chapter 5 . 12/11/2013
Who"s cecillia girl? An OC?
| mariox238 chapter 5 . 12/10/2013
Read this all in one go and i must say its way better than i expected.
Now i got a question for you, will Matou Zouken appear in this story? Since sakura's worms were feeding off from perseus mana that means that Zouken's soul is still inside the crest worm that is right by sakura's heart. So will you make Zouken into a future villain(takes over sakura's body and attempts to kill a god to become immortal(since that is zouken's goal and campiones have long lives as well as an excellent body). Or will you just ignored him throughout the whole story?
| leo.zodic.lion chapter 5 . 12/6/2013
BTW don't shirou like have avolan & Excalibur? why not use the dam SWORD! & he have a horses dam it he should know how to use the dam thing and how many authorities did Perseus gave him?
| reader chapter 4 . 12/3/2013
Well for first i know shirou is a distorted person but sadly i started to dislike him on this chapter (no offense) because of this reason.
YOU DO NOT JUST DECLARE YOURSELF A HERO WITHOUT PROVE IT. SERIOUSLY YOU JUST WAKE UP AND FOUND OUT THAT YOUR COMRADE GET ATTACKED BY A HERO PERSEUS AND DECIDE TO DISTURB IT BY CLAIMING A HERO! TRULY THE MOST STUPID DELUSIONAL. SURPASS EVEN LUO HAO.
the reason why i said that is because in my opinion the title of hero is not self-proclaimed, but given. for perseus in the past he was known as a hero for his heroic act but shirou just said that he was a hero without prove it or something else!