|Reviews for Light Your Fire To My Rain|
| xPixie is Jellyx chapter 1 . 3/16
If you cut your self sixty-seven times in one sitting I think you'd be dead. Also, you really need to work on your grammar, spelling and editing. Additionally, a lot of your sentences are long-winded and feel ... clunky. That second last paragraph feels - and I'm sorry, but I really don't know how else to phrase this - really *bad*.
The whole thing just feels really messy and, honestly, I can really see that your trying but it just isn't that great. I'd recommend a beta because it's always good to have someone to bounce off and help out. This version feels like a draft - something to build upon and embellish. Just setting it out a little differently and expanding on a few points would have greatly improved the piece. For example, you could go;
I'm a freak. In the my years among the Muggles, before Hogwarts, before magic was more than a forbidden word, things around me would always go wrong. *Always*. I turned hair blue, somehow teleported onto the school roof, and made glass disappear with a look. I was abnormal. Unnatural. Freakish.
I was so glad, so *fucking* glad, when I found out I was a wizard, because it meant I wasn't abnormal, or unnatural, or a freak. I was one of many. There were *others*. It felt almost to good to be true.
And it was.
All to soon I realised, even among my fellow wizards - and didn't it feel fucking great to say *that* - I was different. I'd killed the most powerful Dark Wizard in recent times when I was a baby. I'd only been a wizard for a day and already I was set apart - for something I couldn't even remember doing.
It didn't end there. I knew nothing of wizarding culture - how could I? - and that set me further apart. Sure, the muggleborns knew about as much as I did, but that was expected of them. Everyone expected the *great Harry Potter* to know everything. But I knew nothing. Ignorant freak.
Everyone wanted their 'golden boy Harry Potter'. But that's not what I wanted, I wanted to be Harry. Just Harry. Just another face in the crowd.
Yeah, I'd go further but I'd probably end up writing something super duper huge. Besides I'm sure you get the point. All I did to write that, was take your first line - 'I'm a freak' - and expand on it. You can do that with other stuff in your story and I'm sure it'll turn out really well. I don't want you to take this review as insulting ( I really am just trying to help you improve and I wouldn't bother to review if I thought you were a hopeless writer).
Please take my advise into consideration. Oh, and your welcome to use my example for inspiration or as part of your story if you want, as long as you mention a reviewer gave it to you.
Good luck with your story.
xPixie is Jellyx
| What is this chapter 1 . 3/15
If you cut yourself sixty times in one sitting I think you'd be dead.
| vampygurl402 chapter 6 . 3/31/2015
| countrylovinfangirl chapter 6 . 9/17/2014
amazing! please continue!
| Guest chapter 6 . 9/6/2014
can u please hurry up and write some more of this story it is really good and i really want 2 know what is going 2 happen next
| devels angels chapter 6 . 8/13/2014
Keep up the good work love it sore
| lovefanfiction120 chapter 6 . 6/5/2014
i love the idea and the story , but please repair your grammatical errors or ask someone to do it , like a beta !
| thewolf74 chapter 6 . 4/2/2014
Wow Ron really is a dick. Please update again very. I really want know what happens next.
| KoreanMusicFan chapter 6 . 3/9/2014
hmmm, sound interesting . . .
| Lela50310 chapter 6 . 3/7/2014
THE LITTLE WEASEL'S GONNA BE PUT IN HIS PLACE WHEN I'M DONE WITH HIM!
| remeyqueen74 chapter 6 . 2/21/2014
Please update this amazing story I love Harry and luscious
| Padfootette chapter 6 . 2/6/2014
great chapter please update soon i loved it
| greenwings33 chapter 2 . 2/4/2014
It sounds quite good, though please get a beta, due to the grammatical errors.
If needed, please at least re-read it before you post...
I would love to read this, but cannot.
| katelaina1717 chapter 6 . 2/4/2014
Can't wait for an update just wish Molly dies horribly!
| KendaO chapter 6 . 1/30/2014
Nice story so far !
Hope to read next chapter soon !