Reviews for Kori and Sneers
Canada Cowboy chapter 1 . 5/3/2013
I'm surprised nobody reviewed this story, because there is so much potential behind it. You are a very good writer, and I'm glad you're doing a pairing that, as you pointed out, not too many people will pay attention to. Kudos to you for venturing into this pairing.

Your strengths are definitely with character interaction and description. The way you describe things and set out your idea flow really works well with this couple. I really feel like I'm part of Yu Dao when I read through the story, and it's like I'm seeing the world through their eyes. The first date part is kind of funny, mainly with how Sneers and Kori are behaving. Sneers, being a Freedom Fighter, isn't exactly one for manners, while Kori, despite being nobility, is a bit of a tomboy and doesn't really like to be all that proper. Either way, this is a fantastic way to start their relationship.

That being said, there are a couple of things that kind of irked me as I read through. One thing is that Kori and Sneers both speak in terms that seem too old for them. Kori called Sneers "young man" when they first met, which is odd because they are around the same age. Likewise, teens don't usually call each other "my love" and such (heck, even I find Aang and Katara calling each other "sweetie" too awkward), so it seems almost out of character for them. I would suggest using some different terms to make this more realistic to people their age.

Lastly, the development of their romance isn't really dealt with too well. They had a first dinner, then Sneers shows Kori his wrestling skills, and then we fast forward to the day Kori got arrested. Where is the development of the bond between them? Recall that Sneers gave up on the Freedom Fighters to be with her, even though he was one of the most loyal Freedom Fighters and wasn't afraid to spy on Yu Dao. So perhaps just a bit more into their relationship being developed will be better for me, so that I can see in the end, why Sneers chooses Kori over the Freedom Fighters.

Overall, I say this is a very good start. I'm hoping you haven't given up on this story, and I want to see an update on this. Take care for now and best of luck for the next chapter, if you do continue this.