|Reviews for wilting flowers|
| izzthewolf chapter 7 . 3/11/2013
Yes, there are many things that may be seen as confusing in my story, if you are not inside my head that is, lol. Ok, in answer to your statements:
1) The point is he THINKS he wants to kill before he's actually there. And then suddenly he's having doubts but he's glorifying killing because he's been almost 'trained' to think killing is good. He doesn't know, he THINKS he knows. Kind of like a whiny child.
2) He wants to be like his brother, but at the same time he wants to be better than him. Show his parents he is more then just Cato but smaller. It's like he's his idol is his rival at the same time. He wants to be like his brother, but better at the same time. Its an irrational wish to desperately try to outshine everybody around him, which most people can relate to on some level. We've all been there, wanting to be the best at something.
3) He thinks to win IS to kill. He has not thought that there could POSSIBLY be another way to win. He is a very closed minded character at this stage.
4) Yes he HAS been beaten by cato before. He won't admit it, but he has terrible self-insecurities. He means nobody as in like, not literally NOBODY but as in 'NOBODY' can get away with winning with him without him hating them/ trying to get back at them. And later on you will find out that inside he LOATHES his older brother for constantly outshining him.
5) Yep, my grammar there was pretty bad. Apologies.
6) A pit is darkness. So even where there is flame there is darkness in a pit. Like the darkness of a soul. I suppose its a metaphor of sorts. No, not really a metaphor, more an oxymoron.
7) I guess I meant that as in, he was in a ready position, like at the start of a race. But reading it back, I'm not quite sure. ;)
8) Because there's something about the way she is, how she won't back down, maybe even the fact she looks a bit like katniss (who his brother killed). It makes him hate her for reasons he cannot fathom just yet. It's just an irrational hatred of somebody you know may be internally better than you. Morally or whatnot. You've probably noticed by now that luke is a terribly irrational being who lets his rage take control of him. Also in general he thinks that killing will solve everything. That it will bring him glory and pride a self-respect. Because he doesn't know any better. You don't know if you like something till you've tried it. But he arrogantly thinks he does. That he knows all. Because thats who he is.
Thanks so much for taking to much time to review!, I love it when people take the time to voice queries or pick out the flaws in my story, but still do it in such a nice way. It makes me think more about what I'm writing, and try to improve. Cheers! :) ;)
| y11971alex chapter 8 . 3/10/2013
I swear that this isn't a flame, just a few things to point out for your consideration:
[I know I must win. I long for blood on my hands.]
[I wonder how it feels to kill. To watch a body go limp at your hands.]
are kind of contradictory; Luke can't "like to kill" while not having killed another person before - that isn't to say that he hasn't, and he entirely could have killed another person before, but in such a case, he wouldn't be wondering how it feels to kill.
[I must show that I am so much more then just my brothers reflection.]
This shows that Luke must have had a change of mind undocumented, because in Chpt. 2 you said that he wanted to be just like his brother.
[Time to feel the blood on my hands]
Luke is kind of confused; winning doesn't entail killing others. He wants to win, but he doesn't need to kill.
[Because nobody makes me lose]
If nobody defeated him ever, why would he need to prove himself? Cato must have somehow beaten him before, or else he isn't [bigger and better at everything.]
[And nobody doesn't feel its effect.]
Small grammer issue; this double-negative can be averted. Luke must have superb judgement of character because he could see the effects of his stare.
[her eyes are black as hells fiery pit]
A fiery pit can't be black, can it?
[I begin to stand.]
So Luke was in a sitting/squatting position prior to this?
[I know it will bring me so much glory and satisfaction]
Luke hasn't really got to know of Prim, has he? So why Prim in particular?
Anyway, nice chapter. I love the way you dig perceptively into Luke's thought processes; analysing a child's mental state isn't easy.
| anon chapter 8 . 3/10/2013
I ship Prim and Luke
| izzthewolf chapter 8 . 3/10/2013
Ok, the link to thegirlonfire127's story didnt work. just go on her profile and check it out. sorry, it didnt work and i have no idea why!
| vampirevampirevampire chapter 7 . 2/26/2013
you have to update right now,please please please update update update.
| vampirevampirevampire chapter 6 . 2/26/2013
| vampirevampirevampire chapter 5 . 2/26/2013
one word amazing
| vampirevampirevampire chapter 4 . 2/26/2013
omg really really good,this is a amazing story great job
| vampirevampirevampire chapter 3 . 2/26/2013
| vampirevampirevampire chapter 1 . 2/26/2013
| urgaburg chapter 7 . 2/23/2013
Maybe you could combine two short sentences to make one long one? That way it could sound less rushed.
I really like this story though. Update immediately!
| y11971alex chapter 7 . 2/23/2013
Luke is pretty cute (in a purely thought-provoking way). I think, in a way, we all go through the period when we act "want-to-look-strong" for a while, and in this story Luke is no different. At the end I would rather see Luke win rather than Prim, because there's no way she could live happily with knowledge that she had murdered people; Luke seems more capable of taking this idea up without feeling guilty; but 13 year-olds are generally changeable (in a manner of speaking.) On the other hand, I think you write the speech very, very well. You get very close to the terms that a 13-year-old uses in his or her speech; I have a smashing difficulty in doing this because I lavish many big words on my own characters.
| izzthewolf chapter 1 . 2/18/2013
to kid: yeah, i know what you mean. later on i have planned for it to be prims POV more. so just keep reading to find out where she's got to. ;)
| kid chapter 6 . 2/17/2013
great first chapters! one question though, can you do alternating chapters with the POV? i have always wanted to hear prims side of the story.
| izzthewolf chapter 6 . 2/17/2013
Apologies for how short these chapters are. they WILL get longer. promise. :)