|Reviews for Hail to the (Zero) Queen|
| Kaore Ryu chapter 8 . 2/13
i did some looking up on the ultralisk and have to say... its MASSIVE!
5 meters tall and 20 meters long equals 16 feet tall and 65 and a half feet long
| x-marks-the-spot1974 chapter 12 . 1/28
this is a fantastic story, i hope to read more
| HiroshimaNagasaki chapter 6 . 1/8
I don't understand all the antagonizing in this chapter. Most of all, its final dialogue.
It looks like everyone united against Sarah. Why so? And what for plot-wise?
Take Tabitha's dragon for example. It is huge, powerful and dangerous creature. Carnivore even, capable of eating horses and people. But not one picks on it, no one tries to wage war on it. How come Sarah earned less score than dragon? She's just too bitchy probably ))
Maybe some socializing would help Sarah, some familiar bonding with Louise. Dressing Louise for example _
| HiroshimaNagasaki chapter 5 . 1/8
My, that was clever choice for familiar.
Moreso, clever choice for sudden tour to distant planet. «Going somewhere? Take you Brood along!». Self-running telepatically controlled genetic laboratory and production plant is handy.
This story could be spiced up is if Sarah had shy, naive and tsundere personality. Come on, what life experience could she have anyway? _ As a human I mean, not as Zerg Queen.
| CookieMonsta1233 chapter 1 . 1/5
Why in the Emprahs name is half the chapter about Louise's period?
| Firem78910 chapter 7 . 12/4/2013
um typo for the win it's left hand not right hand
| edboy4926 chapter 12 . 8/28/2013
Looking forward to season 2.
| Fimbu1vetr chapter 5 . 7/21/2013
| Fimbu1vetr chapter 1 . 7/21/2013
This amuses me
| mason chapter 12 . 7/2/2013
i have enjoyed this season quite a bit and loved the way that you changed characters for this story. also that shield was very tough but I guess you had to work in the void magic somewhere. next season i'm hoping that you go back to base building and have sarah ask for an area in the newly acquired country for space to grow the swarm.
love one of your recent fans
| TeninChwang chapter 8 . 6/4/2013
You've destroyed everything that made kerrigan awesome.
Having her buddy buddy with Karen is also a major fuck up. The second her actions threatened her own daughter, Kerrigan should have torn her apart. She also certainly shouldn't ve on first name basis with her.
Infesting Louise? So now we're making copies of Kerrigan too? Not only has she lost her spine, she isn't even unique anymore?
The deal breaker was, weirdly, Siesta coming to see the hive. Why? Because she's close with Saito in canon? Think about that.
Awesome premise, but failed in execution.
| timunderwood9 chapter 3 . 6/3/2013
""I wasn't aware that my arrival here was so well known, especially so quickly," Kerrigan replied calmly.
"Oh yes! Everyone is talking about how you are the first humanoid summoning ever!"
Kerrigan began to look back into the knowledge she had gleamed from her psychic investigations and realized that she had missed that detail in her overview.
'How in the hell did I miss a detail that big?'"
I'm hoping this is constructive advice- if a character is confused about how they could have missed a detail that big, it probably is a good idea to rewrite the story so they didn't.
Similarly if a character ought to know something have it be revealed through introspection, or a conversation with a character who shouldn't know it, or something like that- not via someone being shocked that the character who should know the information doesn't.
"Louise turned and saw one trainee who had bumped his head and was crying, the drill sergeant was having none of it.
"DO YOU THINK I CARE YOU WORM! GET THE FUCK UP OR I'LL BEAT. YOU. SENSELESS!"
The child froze, and clearly what sympathy that was left in the man went somewhere else."
This may just be my personal taste (and if you think so ignore what I'm saying) but all caps yelling is almost always annoying, and you can describe a the brutality of a drill sergeant and how Kerrigan was legitimately traumatized without all caps.
Also I think inserting more descriptive text around speeches, and better explanations for why characters say what they do- and making sure you think through what characters are thinking and why. For example Guiche wouldn't yell at Kerrigan for laughing at him as a commoner because she obviously isn't a commoner because she obviously isn't an ordinary human. Really, please, think through these things, it will make better, more readable stories.
| timunderwood9 chapter 2 . 6/3/2013
Its bleeding annoying. Louise will not treat the intimidating semi human Kerrigan the same way she treats the same age as her average high school student Saito. She also won't treat most of the other familiars from other stories the same way she treats Saito. I am really tired - and this is not specific to you, but does have a serious piece of advice you should take for future stories- of reading the exact same conversations in the first two chapters of these stories, despite the circumstances being enormously different. About a third of FoZ stories have Louise yelling at the character because it is a commoner and demanding they do her laundry, even when the character is someone who a real Louise would treat with more respect and not assume is a commoner.
When you write fan fiction don't just repeat the conversation from canon and fanon, but seriously think about how the characters would respond to what is unique about your situation- and if you can justify the conversation not being the same, write it differently because it is more interesting. We've already read a dozen arguments over laundry and sleeping arrangements after all.
| weasel AKA boundedsumo chapter 1 . 5/13/2013
i like it
| Guest chapter 11 . 5/6/2013
overall it's good, you know how to write a story and keep it compelling.
The main problem for me is, why are they worrying? ok, 70 ships and 200K troops, but FoZ has WOODEN ships, not yamato battlecruisers... heck, I would think a dozen rocket turrets to be overkill!
Nukes... even low yield.. seriously, I don't see how those ships would survive hundreds of missiles each, let alone nukes...
Well, other that that, the story's great...
I'm also quite curious as to the Dark Voice, which I am guessing is the one who spoke to Louise. And I really do look forward to seeing Raynor's reaction when he finds Kerrigan