|Reviews for Birth of the Forest|
| brynchilla chapter 1 . 4/7
It seems that things are developing too fast. Yes, Naruto had the chakra and what not, but he doesn't have it yet.
It would take time to develop it, not to mention his body/chakra pathways might not be developed enough for the over load and it could end up doing more harm than it would do good.
| Dwiggy chapter 22 . 4/4
Mito Jiraiya and Tsunade should get together (let's be honest, they are the politicians running Konoha not some gay ass council shit) and have Kushina go on a suicide mission. Intercept the Akatsuki, go into enemy lines (Iwa), and capture Roshi. You could have her succeed, and they could use the jinchuuriki to give the "allies" another advantage. An interesting idea would to have them extract the 4 tails (if you pick Roshi to be the one who gets captured) with a combined effort of Naruto mokuton dragon, and then Mito and Kushina working together to extract the 4 tails. It would be good direction to take because lets be honest, their conflict is not what should happen between family. Then Naruto could nominate Sasuke to become the Jinchuuriki (I just love the thought of a giant monkey with a lava susanoo). And then finally, Mito and Kushina could seal it in Sasuke. Despite all that crap about how you have to seal a tailed beast in a baby, you could probably still do it. Kushina could either do, 1. Shiki Fuujin and entrust all her hopes on Naruto. Or, 2. create some bs seal that has no consequences.
Another route you could take is have Kushina die on the mission (putting up a hell of a fight, some badass chase scene where she is getting chased by Kisame, Deidara, and Tobi) and have a similar effect on Naruto that Jiraiya's death had on him in canon. Either way, Kushina dies and her secret remains a secret from Naruto and he doesn't hate her.
He would then get mad at Tsunade, Jiraiya, and Mito and he would have to travel somewhere to blow off steam (with Sasuke if you choose to have the 4 tails sealed in him and he can train him and stuff).
| Guest chapter 3 . 3/27
Damn it! You are one of the few fanfiction writers who acually correct Kishimoto's lazy character development. You balanced the twists of the story quite remarkably, may I say. I am in the first three chapters already and the story shows great potential, so you have all the support I can give.
| Iskander Mandoraekon chapter 7 . 3/23
It was clear, some people just need to learn to read
| CynthiaRosenDale chapter 1 . 3/22
Your plot is good, but it seems like the story is going too fast, and some of the characters like Kuruma is a little OC.
| SpiffySage chapter 20 . 3/20
I really like this story by have a quick question. Why is Kushina a traitor? It seems illogical that she would turn on her son. Earlier in the story, she said that even after all these years she was still fiercely loyal to Minato, who is dead, and would never marry anyone else. Wouldn't she be just as loyal to Naruto, who still lives, as she was to Minato if not more? It just doesn't make sense to me
| js chapter 1 . 3/14
I know its called fanfiction...so you can pretty much change anything you want
that doesn't mean i have to like it, specially when you butcher it..
the shodaime hokage did not want the kids of konoha to be lethal killers (at least not right away)...he wanted the kids of konoha to be kids for as long as possible...i
| killuablue chapter 22 . 3/10
Not update yet? Please updateee
| Malcolmxr12 chapter 22 . 3/2
Man I LOVE your story also I think the kushina storyline is great. Also can you write the amount of days your going to be writing till you update.
| Alexnder chapter 5 . 3/2
Interesting thought line for your story, however i find that you rush everything to the point of that the story falls apart. You truly started this story back at the "beginning" of the academy, and thus had huge amounts of story and filler that you could have written out. you instead slammed through everything getting through the academy, the D ranks, the mission to wave AND the first stage of the test in 5 chapters. it is so rushed that there is little to no actual detail. you state something and move on.
You also did it off by my perspective. You could have had a gradual morph into the Shodaime, instead of this rushed and hurried INFINITE COSMIC POWERS bit that you did. Should he have been a lot stronger with the jumble of memories gained in that short amount of time. a bit, but the way you have him sort through enough in a matter of months is unseemly in my honest opinion. In addition the idea that just the memories equal skill is also unseemly. You basically Kage Bunshin hacked the memory recovery of a previous life. The Knowledge of HOW to do something might have been gotten back, but the use of such in the body currently held would be awkward at best, disastrous at worst. The wisdom of the previous life might have been regained, and some of that would have been immediately noticeable, but as i previously stated the instantaneous memory transfer bit is just a bit much to bite off. You made a Genin, who while housing the memories of the Shodaime, was still a genin fight off Hoshigaki and Orochimaru. You made an Academy student who was taught a bad form of fighting to the point it became instinctual to him, all of the sudden be perfect at moving through the Kata's of a entirely different form.
Again i say you have a good concept, but your output is very sub-par in my eyes. It needs a heavy rewrite to truly stand out on this site as it currently falls in with the majority of stories. Godmode Naruto. unrealistically change the perceptions of this or that person so suddenly it gives whiplash. As it stand, your story is just another in the archive. it doesn't stand out as better. it doesn't stand out as more well thought out. it just is.
Now mind you i am not here to try to deter you from writing. I am not saying you are a bad author, or any such things. I just think you have a lot to work on.
| Prince Sheogorath chapter 22 . 2/28
Awesome story. Please update soon!
| Sin Ouroboros chapter 18 . 2/26
First... I really like this story and im really enjoying it... But im very mad at you and I am hating this story because of you making kushina a traitor to naruto i tried to keep reading but i just cant do it... So im going to take a break and come back to this later when i can think clearly... I really like this story otherwise and im looking forward to coming back to this later on...sorry... but its just how i feel.
| gurbnogfen chapter 22 . 2/21
I don't know if this story is dead or not but I will follow anyways. now on to your question you asked how I would like to see the Kushina story end, personally I want her head on a pike. well I at least want her dead, I don't really care who kills her but I think her death could really improve the main character's identity crisis it has the possibility to really make the story or break it. but all in all it is your world and I would like to see how you want it to progress, if you decide to take my idea and weave it into your world I look forward to it and if not I look forwards to seeing how it goes with another idea.
So to sum my review up I think you are doing a marvelous job on this story and it captivated me until I finished what you had written, good job and thanks for this amazing and immersive world!
| Trifectum chapter 21 . 2/16
(contd. from review of Ch.22)Edit: Apparently FF cuts off long reviews...
Now, Kushina's character. Believe it or not, hers is my favorite character in the story. She appears the most human, desperate, not powerful to take on entire villages, but for the love of her husband and child, she would go to any lengths. Kushina doesn't hold much loyalty for Konoha as a whole -the village could go fuck itself as long as she gets her beloved ones back. You asked in the latest chapter what we think should be done with this arc...well here's my idea:
I once read a rather angsty story(shadenight123's The Harsh Truth ,I think. I might be wrong) where Minato had died in the battle against Kyuubi, and Kushina gets handed a very harsh life. The stress of losing Minato, and her own son becoming a human sacrifice nearly snaps her mind, and she firmly becomes deluded that Naruto is the Kyuubi in disguise. It was very well done, and her dark descent was so...heart-wrenching. Here, perhaps, the same plotline can be used, if in a different manner. Here's my idea:
I noticed people's reactions to the Shodai revelation, and indeed, it is rather predictable. Shock, awe, and then deep respect. After all, even those who didn't know Hashirama have read accounts of how great he was. He built Konoha, after all. And calling Naruto Shodai-sama only makes sense. Naruto is serving his village best this way after all. No one-not a single person shows any concern for what a sacrifice Naruto had to make. He didn't choose to be Hashirama reborn. He wanted to make his own choices, free of pressure, and be known as the great OrangeHokage on strength he would gain. Now, he is Shodai-sama, shoo-in for the next Hokage seat once the Akatsuki are dealt with, in love with Mito Uzumaki, and has a grand-daughter in Tsunade. Funny how life turns out, innit? Why would anyone find it unfair? Naruto's finally gaining all he wanted, protecting his village, and his soul is that of the man who established the greatest of the five villages. This is a great win for Konoha.
Of course, for someone who only cares for her son...Kushina has gained few facts about her son over the years:he loves orange, plays pranks, says 'dattebayo' like her, and likes a girl at the Academy. He's upbeat and stays positive, no matter the situation. He has much of the "Red Hot Habanero" in him rather than his father. These letters from Jiraiya, who too, only watches her son from afar, are a few drops of manna in her broken life. Now she finally meets him, and is overcome by awe, like everyone else. She tries to treat him like a son, she does(and all her pre-prepared words for her son crumble, for what do you say to a man in a boy's body who is literally a stranger to her? NOTE: this also explains her and Naruto's inter-actions for past few chapters. Maybe a interlude from Kushina's POV would be helpful). And then she realises, that this damned village took more from her. Her village, her husband, her son's future. She had tolerated it. Now they tell her that Naruto can't even grow up making his own choices, because...why? he went from being the villagetrashdemon to being their savior? When she looks at him, all she sees is Hashirama Senju wearing her son's skin, and fate's mocking her every time she observes how others treat him. All this village had ever done was take her family from her. No more. No matter the cost, she would free Naruto from Hashirama's influence. Just how far a mother will go to "save" her son?
So, there you go. Kushina could be, sort of, future Sasuke in here, who wants nothing to do with Konoha. But she would put her soul on the line to bring pure "Naruto" back. Obviously, lots and lots of emotional drama here-with maybe Yami Naruto showing up.
Holy smokes! That's a looong-ass review. Iam sorry. I wrote this after reading a few chapters at a time, and it got out of hand. Please, only take this criticism in the most positive of ways. You are a beautiful writer, with great ideas and certainly a good grasp of action scenes. And you are writing fan-fiction to improve, right? So please don't be discouraged-and don't pay attention to flamers, they are just cockroaches.
PS: These are a few reading recommendations that might help(apart from original fiction):
The Lie I've Lived by Jbern
In Light of Silver Memories by Taliath
The One He Feared by Taure
Glass Trinity by Renaerys[fantastic characterisation of Madara,Mito and Hashirama(though he's kinda a Naruto rehash). this showcases Madara's fall into darkness, and is Madara/Mito, though she'll end up being married to Hashi. That's not to everyone's taste, but it's a good fic nonetheless]
These are just from the top of my head. There are many others, of course.
| Trifectum chapter 22 . 2/16
I came across this story in a Naruto community, and was intrigued by the premise. It had a good no. of words, and had been updated rather recently. And so I started to read...and was left with very mixed feelings. Hopefully, you'll take this criticism in a positive way:
First, allow me to say that you are a terrific writer, with a tonne of potential. There is a fantastic setup, and great action. But it was cringeworthy to see you make the mistake so many Super!Protagonists fanfiction writers do-give the main character a lot of power, without ever letting him/her stumble and truly fall. Power, especially if gained(not earned), must always come with a price. True, it satisfies the readers(who'll start barking how Naruto is a limp dick the moment he makes a mistake), and of course, the writer him/her self, who is immensely disappointed by how Canon turned out and would like fantasize and write it in a lot more Kickass!route.
Here, the biggest mistake is the timing of Hashirama's ascendance in Naruto. As an academy student, Naruto barely discovers anything apart from Ramen, Hokage and Sakura-chan. Who is Naruto Uzumaki? Is he the prankster kid who doesn't even know the meaning of the word Hokage? Or is he the upstart lucky-but-determined genin, winning fights through sheer grit and farting in an opponent's face! Or maybe he's the Hero of Konoha, the next Toad Sage and a favorite of his granny the Godaime Hokage. Throughout Naruto, his character keeps growing and learning-from both his successes, but more importantly, his failures. A man can never be truly be defined by his triumphs, but only by how he deals with failure.
At 11-12 years old, you envisioned a "Liquid" melding of both Naruto and Hashirama. Now, 22 chapters in, I can hardly see a speck of Naruto here; this is Hashirama, plain and simple. He thinks of himself as Hashirama, uses his techniques, walks,talks and breaths like Hashirama, and even his hairstyle has become more like his older self. But most depressingly, everyone treats him like the Shodai. Of course, it's only logical. But to me, it only shows just far Naruto has faded, a poor yet still growing boy who was despised by his peers, but is now revered, just because he can make trees grow out of the ground. Can we truly say that it was Naruto who felt that "hatred" for Iwa? Would Shodai would not have felt just as strongly, as when Mito is kidnapped. To protect your precious person-Naruto never 'understands' this, because he is already an amalgam by the time Haku comes around. Say what you will, the Wave Arc was important because of this sole reason: Naruto learns his nindo from Haku. Just like his promise to bring back Sasuke to Sakura, no matter the cost. That is who the "child" Naruto is. We are, after all, shaped by our experiences. As I said before, perhaps you should have started this story-initiated the melding-from the time skip/Naruto Shippuden. Then, perhaps we would have seen a more balanced Naruto, and not just Hashirama reborn.
From the very start, Hashirama is exceedingly powerful. There is no...challenge(perhaps the greatest drawback of all SuperNaruto! fics). Before the time skip, you have taken different fights/events and just rewritten them to show how epic Mokuton Naruto would be. There are no greater, overarching changes to the plot, and Naruto just glides through it, since he has gained his older memories and never takes major hits. How do I say this? He never truly grows...never realises how much the world has changed. There is no grief over how far the nations have fallen- and "his" decision to distribute the bijuu has only added to the war factory. He faces much stronger enemies, because the plot requires it, and for epic fights(I must commend you on the action, here. I can only ask that you involve more unpredictibility in fights; a sense of loss, that yes, Naruto can actually very well lose here, if not for someone else's help).
I get that Hashirama is already a grown, wiser man than Naruto was. But where is the struggle in that? Hashirama reborn, indeed. But what's to say he won't make the same mistakes he did last time? He doesn't have any moderating influence-after all, a kid Naruto never understood that "the right thing" is not always the "fair" one. This is something that both Hashirama and Naruto share-this sense of idealism that would one day be their downfall(please discount Canon!ending here. It was written for kids, and it shows). What I am saying is...there is no "Great Journey" here, because Hashirama already had his. And that hurts the fic as a whole.
Good/Friendly Kyuubi. An opportunity lost. There could have been a huge clash of interests between Hashirama and the Nine-Tails...between the man who imprisoned the Greatest Bijuu for 200 years, and the creature who has since watched these monkeys tear each apart for more power. And Hashirama wanted balance? Talk of irony. Kyuubi could have been the whispering devil, the "ruthless" edge the Shodai needed, and at the same time wrecked an emotional war that would have added a whole new dimension to the story. Remember, Shodai was never a jinchurikki, and that is an experience neither him nor Naruto have(Naruto's first meeting with the Kyuubi, and the fox "smiles" at him). This could have been such a great plot arch, where Hashirama was caught off-guard...but it was all squandered. Hell, Hashirama never needed a bijuu's strength, he already had quite a bit of his own. I am sorry, I might be biased here. Cheery Kyuubi is my greatest pet peeve(both in Canon and FF), or one of them, anyway.
And then you brought Mito Uzumaki back. And made her young. Perhaps it was to appease the readers, or maybe you had it planned all along. But it only frustrated me. This event, I think, went a long way in solidifying Hashirama's position even further. Of course, Mito's young, sexy, and his old wife...they can be together yet again, and both of them feel as strongly for each other as they did before. It's only logical they get back together like nothings changed. And yet, not once did I read little Naruto's yearning to show-off his new skills and impress Sakura, his crush. True, perhaps he overgrew it. But he still should have felt it, if only to show that the young boy's not all gone. Have you thought about writing a Mito, who's say...70 or 80(or Tsunade's age)? How crushing, emotionally dramatic it would be for both of them when Mito realises that while she always missed her husband, she became more devoted to her duty than ever, and could not go back to being young,hip, and in-love again? She would always cherish their time together, but this Naruto/Hashirama is not her old husband, and someone new entirely, someone who should make choices of his own. More importantly, we never truly see young Mito as flawed, which makes matters less tense. Headstrong devoted wife, great sealmaster and highly loyal to Konoha. She comes off just as she did in Canon, but then she had little screen-time, didn't she?
One after the other, enemies rise, underestimate Hashirama, and get their asses kicked in a pitched battle. Again, that's fine, if you write just for fun and the readers. But for the sake of critique you must realise that the hero cannot always triumph -not without compromise, and there are always consequences that shatter your world. After Mito was kidnapped(your best arc, and one that I greatly enjoyed), you introduced the vs. Orochimaru arc. Wouldn't it be interesting, had Orochimaru already deduced that Naruto was Hashirama, and lured him into a specially designed trap? Where it came to a choice between saving his comrades, killing Orochimaru, or preventing his secret from getting out? And Yuugao's experiment had failed, she was dead before any of them got there? It would been humbling for Hashiruto, when he would have been at a major disadvantage, unable to overcome his enemy, either by power or by knowledge. Their hostage was already gone, a sad reality of shinobi life. Instead, Hashirama comes out on top, because he is not threatened by Oro, not truly. And when he comes back, Mito has woken up, only to realise that her chakra system is crippled, like Rock Lee's. She comes back from years of coma and near certain death, without a scratch on her? Grave Consequences always add a certain "spice" to the story- Any of the great Fantasy books are great inspiration in this case: LOTR, HP, SOIF etc are the most famous. My personal favorite is Dresden Files.
Coming to the current chapters: Gaara's death was certainly a (welcome)change, but maybe it would have been better if HN simply ran out of chakra after taking out Ichibi? Tobi would have made a mockery of him, and taken the one-tails anyway. Still, it showed HN that he is not at the top of the food chain. Now that Pain is subdued, maybe we'll see a Pain/Madara symbiosis, a true nemesis to HN(technically, that would be Sasuke/Madara, but you get the point). Pain has lost further use, and can only be used as a body-dumpster for Madara. Hopefully, we'll see a more-sane Madara, whose moon-eye plan/(something original maybe? ;}) actually makes sense. We have already seen that Hashirama's method didn't work...it could be a battle of ideologies, where HN realises that Madara's way might just work, but he just can't let it happen(possibly because it takes away people's free will, or the age old "thousands dead vs. Centuries of future peace" argument. Don't just make it a pissing contest. We already saw that in canon, against Kaguya.)
Now, Kushina's character. Believe it or not, hers is my favorite character in the story. She appears the most human, desperate, not powerful to take on entire villages, but for the love of her husband and child, she would go to any lengths. Kushina doesn't hold much loyalty for Konoha as a whole -the village could go fuck itself as long as she gets her beloved ones back. You asked in the latest chapter what we think should be done with this arc...wel