|Reviews for Naraku's Son|
| FallenFan77 chapter 2 . 2/21/2014
That was very interesting. Amazing battle scenes as well!
| FallenFan77 chapter 1 . 2/21/2014
Hi! Thank you for reading and reviewing my story. I appreciate it! I really like your story, it is very amazing and cool!
| TheBrokenSunrise chapter 1 . 2/20/2014
I like it :)
| KrissMe chapter 1 . 1/10/2014
this is a pretty decent plot. i like it!
| Justlookin4agoodread98 chapter 1 . 11/13/2013
Wow, this is PHENOMINAL!3 The details you use are great and you really brought your story to life with them! I'm a super picky person when it comes to Inuyasha fanfictions because the show was able to tie all loose ends and conclude everything so perfectly so it makes it really hard for me to believe what I'm reading. (especially when they change the actual storyline to the point that it doesn't make any sense. ARRRRRRGH!D:) It really turns me into, well, a demon! lol. But you've already been able to make yours believable not only with how clear a picture you've painted of your OC, but with how you've been able to stay so true to the original characters as well. In most other Inuyasha fanfictions the writers won't be able to do that and will alter a characters small quirks or completely change a characters personality to suit their purposes. To me this is one of the ultimate sins of writing. Sure, a character can be dynamic, but not to the point that you can't even tell that it's them anymore and with virtually no explanation how or why! I really love it how you could stay true to the original characters for that reason. The only negative thing I can say about it is that the grammar and spelling is a little shaky and slightly confusing, but don't worry about it. You rock!
| Maiden of the Heavens chapter 1 . 10/22/2013
Since you reviewed my story, I am going to return the favor. I liked the beginning of this story, but you don't have to insert the word pant into dialogue if you are going to say that person panted anyways, it seems repetitious. Anyways, best of luck with your story!
| savor1988 chapter 1 . 10/17/2013
I like this story about inuyasha it inetesting read the first and four chapers so far I like it I read the rest of it once I get a chance to oh and think for comment on my story of inuyasha and sango one night stand
| Chibi-Can chapter 1 . 10/17/2013
Liked you asked me I will now review, I like the introduction but I do wonder where he came from, we'll ill read more to find out.
| windbreaking chapter 4 . 10/14/2013
Miroku is so funny.
| windbreaking chapter 3 . 10/14/2013
Now that is a perfect cliffhanger
| windbreaking chapter 2 . 10/14/2013
Ahhh... there it is Kaeda saying that "he is a reincarnation." That would have been the perfect last line of chapter 1.
| windbreaking chapter 1 . 10/14/2013
Good chapter: But it is missing foreshadowing. What is the reason for clicking on chapter? Is something interesting going to happen? Maybe a hint of the man's identity or of trouble that is going to happen. This chapter is missing that. Go back and add some tension.
| 00Zero chapter 22 . 10/11/2013
| origamikungfu chapter 14 . 10/8/2013
Hey there! So I actually did read some of this story of yours a few months and meant to review, but looking now, I realize I forgot to! So sorry - but I'm glad that I'm back now :) It's fun checking back in with the characters now that you've written some more. It seems like you've continued to develop Kiw's character more by introducing this younger side-kick character, Koumori. I really like the interaction between them here! I also enjoyed your portrayal of Koga - very much like him! I really imagine him saying "Darn straight!" too, haha! Just keep developing your main character and his friends and have fun having Kiw interact with the original Inuyasha characters - you are great at including details, so by describing the characters' thoughts and actions more in depth, you'll have a great character driven story :D Keep up the good work!
| Knoc chapter 1 . 10/2/2013
Well, this story's pretty interesting! While I'm not an Inuyasha fan myself, I feel that it's something that everyone loves, so hopefully I don't insult anyone in this review heh.
Story wise, this seems pretty interesting. It's got me asking questions and wondering, which is always good for a story. The man in the desert-who I presume is the same guy they met later on-seems to have some sort of problem. Maybe he killed that dude with him? Who knows. I'm quite interested to see how this turns out, and considering there's already a lot of chapters, it's gonna be one hell of a ride.
In terms of improving...
One thing that kinda nipped me is the POV thing. Maybe I'm a hypocrite for saying this (Considering that I used to do it when I was a wee lass) but, in a story, you really shouldn't change point of view or tense, ever. I don't know if you continue this trend in the other chapters (I'm presuming not, seeing as it seemed to be just an opener thing) but I strongly advise going against it, unless it's absolutely necessary. I know that in the beginning you wanted to create a sort of lost feel, make the readers wonder what's going on, but really, switching POV's is so annoying for me. And also, if you really need to switch POV for some reason, you don't need to declare it in big bold letters. The readers are, presumably, smart enough to distinguish the difference.
I also noticed that a lot of the paragraphs are, hmm, thin. At the most, they're two or so sentences thick, not including descriptive paragraphs (Which I'll get to in a minute). While I know trying to fit words and make everything look thicker is a chore, it is worth it. Sometimes it can't be helped, which is fine, but otherwise you can add so much to your sentences. One thing I learned about writing, is that when you're writing something out, think of it as if you're telling an idiot what's going on. You literally have to explain and describe everything! It helps with fattening sentences, and gives an opportunity to detail the little things, and the little things are the ones that matter most.
The only time where your paragraphs were bigger than two sentences were when you described the stranger, and oh boy, did you describe. As I read it, I knew immediately that it was going to be a generic description of a person. Not only is it quite bland, it sounds so out of place in a nicely done story. You make it sound so casual, is if telling it to a friend "His hair was black like this, and eyes black too, he also wore some funny clothes you know?" You were doing quite well in describing other things, but when it comes to people, you kinda...fall apart. I don't mean to sound mean or anything, but, this is pretty much beginner writer's way of writing, and with the other impressive things you've written so far, it definitely needs to change. You need to find a better way of describing him; instead of describing every part of his clothes, why not just say that he looked like a typical cowboy, bar the hat?-You don't even need to describe him first of all if you don't want to, giving him details in proceeding chapters, so it has a puzzle like feel to it. Just don't do a whole block of bland and casual telling.
Also "Not-(pant)-that much-(pant)-longer," Kagome panted" No need for the added pants in the sentence, really, really weird.
Aside from additional spelling and grammar mistakes, this seems to be an interesting story regardless. I feel that danger is going to come about, what with Sango liking a mysterious and forgetful stranger who could have potentially killed the guy in the desert! But I'm sure it'll end on a happy note (Or not)