|Reviews for Grim Fate|
| NabikiB chapter 4 . 1/11
Yeah, I always thought splitting half of her off was a stupid move. If he had trained the whole, they'd have been far better off.
| noxenrom chapter 14 . 12/29/2017
| TheVarjoratsu chapter 8 . 11/28/2017
Would you please please please! fix the math in this chapter (chapter 8)! It's really bugging me and frankly ruining a story that has so far been a fairly good read.
| RatherFabulous chapter 3 . 11/3/2017
Re: your author's note...
Career goal statements. Such a complete and total waste of time and buzz words. sigh
| lordonyx348 chapter 8 . 7/11/2017
Umm...you do realiza that Grindelwqld rose during World War II, right? Harry Was born in 1997. Just so you know.
| TweakyGhostLover chapter 3 . 7/1/2017
| Theayonder chapter 3 . 4/15/2017
Just started reading and noticed you made a reference to gargoyles in an abandoned castle in Germany and wondered if that was a reference to the cartoon Gargoyles?
| Guest chapter 8 . 3/28/2017
So... if Voldemort is from WW2 where is Grindelwald from
| pixelherodev chapter 7 . 2/20/2017
People actually called Ginny a slut despite you explicitly saying "with Harry's blessing?" Why am I not surprised?
| SoulMore chapter 13 . 11/15/2016
| RatherFabulous chapter 7 . 9/30/2016
As to your author's note re: trolls...
You've taken time and trouble to create and post a story, a gift.
People can read it or not as they wish, but it's FREE and freely offered. Free means take it or not, as you wish, but raging on it is illogical and, well...stupid. Pure, unadulterated stupid.
I suppose these are the sort of people who might be (somehow?!) invited to a party and would then hop onto social media to insult their hosts on the decorations, clothing, music and food...oh wait, no, that would mean accountability. No, they prefer to scuttle in the shadows.
They are cockroaches. They create nothing but crap. (Literally and figuratively.)
They are only capable of creating stress and grief. That is all they are and all that they do.
Unfortunately, idiocy can't be cured, but you can at least stay away from it lest it infect you by making you waste your time replying to it or making you think that it has any real meaning whatsoever aside from the noisome droppings they leave on your comment pages.
When you walk down the sidewalk, you have to step over bird poop. You don't even notice it.
Step over such "reviews".
| Fallow53 chapter 14 . 9/16/2016
xxx KUDOS xxx : )
| ANGEL FALLEN FROM HEAVEN chapter 14 . 8/13/2016
I did not marathon this story when im meant to be sleeping opps shhh hehe
| guest chapter 4 . 8/7/2016
Well, so far this story started at a battle where a (supposedly badass) Harry fights a mutant, then the X-men show up. But it was very brief, few details, and you didn't adequately give any emotional depth to any characters' personalities. The professor tried his occlumency shield ONCE in four chapters, that doesn't make it significant enough to say "a man who keeps trying to break his occlumency shields" particularly since the Professor barely brushed his shields and didn't try to fight his way through when he found resistance. Anyway, since Harry is hurt, he's immediately taken back to the school infirmary where they can question him later and various stuff happened. Problems:
1. Harry can apparate. There is nothing that can keep him there once he wakes, yet he's "forced" to stay and be questioned. He's a 67 yr old immortal with eternal youth, but someone else's kindness can still make him do things he doesn't want to do?
2. The scene with Scott was WAY overdone, obviously used just to showcase to the other mutants some of Harry's abilities. Once again, he can APPARATE. Why did he transform into a raven, fly out of the room, then apparate? And why did he have to accio his stuff? He just left his stuff in the infirmary while he was given a tour even though he professed to wanting to leave the moment he woke up?
3. He warned them about Dark Phoenix, then sat around for a year letting them take care of it, but then has to interfere AFTER things go wrong. Why interfere at all then? Or why not interfere earlier? Ans: Just so the author can let Scott die and Logan kill Jean later. And why would they believe his words anyway? He's some weird guy who HAPPENED to be fighting a bad guy when they met. He has given no evidence to support any of his claims except his abilities (he won't even say what he is) and he expects everyone to take his words as absolute law because of his sheer awesomeness with no explanation whatsoever... Seems legit. Btw, the guy three blocks down gives free candy to anyone who knocks on his back door. He's got boxes full of the stuff in his basement and that's why half his teeth have fallen out.
4. Harry could have easily snuck in and either fixed Jean or imprisoned her or something without anyone knowing. It would have taken minutes. Hell, he's already been in the infirmary, he could apparate in. And you can't say, "He was too exhausted after intercontinental apparition" because why did he turn himself back into a Raven then? If he was really worried about it, why transfigure at all? Why not just stay human and warn someone? Or hell, if he had collapsed unconscious he would have ended up in the same room with her...
5. Harry was already at the mansion... but he has Death send a message for him instead of talking to them himself, is he really that busy? or was it just to showcase his awesome Master-of-Death abilities? because it feels like the latter and that's just not good writing.
6. Harry was there for a day over A YEAR AGO. Why is he still the first thing on a student's mind when someone sees a raven? Enough so that Bobbie specifically mentions him by name, when no one should have seen him or heard his name for a year. That's the equivalent of having a substitute teacher for one day and remembering their eye color the next year.
7. This whole, 'We don't trust you' , *attacks Harry*, *Harry displays awesomeness and leaves after saying something dramatic and displaying new powers*, got old FAST and it only happened twice. Once again, why did he transfigure before apparating? This time into a thestral? just because it's more intimidating than a raven? But then moments later, the X-men are shown Jean and Harry and he's a raven again. He literally gave a dramatic statement, transfigured into a thestral, followed to wherever Jean was, transfigured again into a raven, and sat on a branch to watch her... wtf. Plus immediately after his scene, Harry gets a gratuitous "His warning was right." moment, which was ridiculous. Who watches their rival get killed by the love of their life and suffers a near death experience and the first thought that comes out of their head is, "that dude was right" ? Apparently Logan does.
Anyway, this story is too fast paced for me to really get into it, and more than that, the character interactions are flat, uninteresting, or just missing vital descriptions to give readers an emotional understanding of them.
For example: Why should anyone give two shits that Scott is dead? No one else seems to care about his death. And from the reader's standpoint, all he did was attack Harry after being given a warning. And why would anyone care about Jean at this point? All we know is that she is Dark Phoenix and Scott's past lover (and we only know that because of Harry's warning). Any other stuff we know, we learned from the MOVIE, not your fic, so there's 0 emotional connection to your fic.
Give a reason to care that Scott died. Make someone cry, scream, whisper his name, curse him or the world, shout denials, hit someone or something, fall to the floor in shock. Don't rely on the movies to get readers invested in YOUR fanfic. Literally, the characters say "Scott's dead." and within a paragraph they've moved on to 'We need to hunt down Jean'. Storm is more shocked by Xavier using his powers on Jean than she was about Scott's death.
Anyway, like I said, it's too fast-paced for me. Sorry. However, your spelling and grammar are excellent, which is always nice. My advice would be to flesh out scenes and characters (especially characters, since characters make the scenes work). Giving more descriptions and emotional responses increases impact and connection to the reader. The more invested your readers are, the more will follow your stories and the happier they'll be. Good luck.
| LuxEterna1 chapter 3 . 7/23/2016
fyi the correct translantion for 'devil dogs' into german is 'Teufelshunde'