|Reviews for Grim Fate|
| Fallow53 chapter 14 . 9/16
xxx KUDOS xxx : )
| ANGEL FALLEN FROM HEAVEN chapter 14 . 8/13
I did not marathon this story when im meant to be sleeping opps shhh hehe
| guest chapter 4 . 8/7
Well, so far this story started at a battle where a (supposedly badass) Harry fights a mutant, then the X-men show up. But it was very brief, few details, and you didn't adequately give any emotional depth to any characters' personalities. The professor tried his occlumency shield ONCE in four chapters, that doesn't make it significant enough to say "a man who keeps trying to break his occlumency shields" particularly since the Professor barely brushed his shields and didn't try to fight his way through when he found resistance. Anyway, since Harry is hurt, he's immediately taken back to the school infirmary where they can question him later and various stuff happened. Problems:
1. Harry can apparate. There is nothing that can keep him there once he wakes, yet he's "forced" to stay and be questioned. He's a 67 yr old immortal with eternal youth, but someone else's kindness can still make him do things he doesn't want to do?
2. The scene with Scott was WAY overdone, obviously used just to showcase to the other mutants some of Harry's abilities. Once again, he can APPARATE. Why did he transform into a raven, fly out of the room, then apparate? And why did he have to accio his stuff? He just left his stuff in the infirmary while he was given a tour even though he professed to wanting to leave the moment he woke up?
3. He warned them about Dark Phoenix, then sat around for a year letting them take care of it, but then has to interfere AFTER things go wrong. Why interfere at all then? Or why not interfere earlier? Ans: Just so the author can let Scott die and Logan kill Jean later. And why would they believe his words anyway? He's some weird guy who HAPPENED to be fighting a bad guy when they met. He has given no evidence to support any of his claims except his abilities (he won't even say what he is) and he expects everyone to take his words as absolute law because of his sheer awesomeness with no explanation whatsoever... Seems legit. Btw, the guy three blocks down gives free candy to anyone who knocks on his back door. He's got boxes full of the stuff in his basement and that's why half his teeth have fallen out.
4. Harry could have easily snuck in and either fixed Jean or imprisoned her or something without anyone knowing. It would have taken minutes. Hell, he's already been in the infirmary, he could apparate in. And you can't say, "He was too exhausted after intercontinental apparition" because why did he turn himself back into a Raven then? If he was really worried about it, why transfigure at all? Why not just stay human and warn someone? Or hell, if he had collapsed unconscious he would have ended up in the same room with her...
5. Harry was already at the mansion... but he has Death send a message for him instead of talking to them himself, is he really that busy? or was it just to showcase his awesome Master-of-Death abilities? because it feels like the latter and that's just not good writing.
6. Harry was there for a day over A YEAR AGO. Why is he still the first thing on a student's mind when someone sees a raven? Enough so that Bobbie specifically mentions him by name, when no one should have seen him or heard his name for a year. That's the equivalent of having a substitute teacher for one day and remembering their eye color the next year.
7. This whole, 'We don't trust you' , *attacks Harry*, *Harry displays awesomeness and leaves after saying something dramatic and displaying new powers*, got old FAST and it only happened twice. Once again, why did he transfigure before apparating? This time into a thestral? just because it's more intimidating than a raven? But then moments later, the X-men are shown Jean and Harry and he's a raven again. He literally gave a dramatic statement, transfigured into a thestral, followed to wherever Jean was, transfigured again into a raven, and sat on a branch to watch her... wtf. Plus immediately after his scene, Harry gets a gratuitous "His warning was right." moment, which was ridiculous. Who watches their rival get killed by the love of their life and suffers a near death experience and the first thought that comes out of their head is, "that dude was right" ? Apparently Logan does.
Anyway, this story is too fast paced for me to really get into it, and more than that, the character interactions are flat, uninteresting, or just missing vital descriptions to give readers an emotional understanding of them.
For example: Why should anyone give two shits that Scott is dead? No one else seems to care about his death. And from the reader's standpoint, all he did was attack Harry after being given a warning. And why would anyone care about Jean at this point? All we know is that she is Dark Phoenix and Scott's past lover (and we only know that because of Harry's warning). Any other stuff we know, we learned from the MOVIE, not your fic, so there's 0 emotional connection to your fic.
Give a reason to care that Scott died. Make someone cry, scream, whisper his name, curse him or the world, shout denials, hit someone or something, fall to the floor in shock. Don't rely on the movies to get readers invested in YOUR fanfic. Literally, the characters say "Scott's dead." and within a paragraph they've moved on to 'We need to hunt down Jean'. Storm is more shocked by Xavier using his powers on Jean than she was about Scott's death.
Anyway, like I said, it's too fast-paced for me. Sorry. However, your spelling and grammar are excellent, which is always nice. My advice would be to flesh out scenes and characters (especially characters, since characters make the scenes work). Giving more descriptions and emotional responses increases impact and connection to the reader. The more invested your readers are, the more will follow your stories and the happier they'll be. Good luck.
| LuxEterna1 chapter 3 . 7/23
fyi the correct translantion for 'devil dogs' into german is 'Teufelshunde'
| Kaito Hatake Uchiha chapter 14 . 4/5
Kaito hungry wants to eat
| A Lonely Rainbow Girl chapter 1 . 3/8
...this made no sense. OK, so how old is Harry...?
| Nickylove chapter 3 . 2/22
Wow! Thank you! ️ I need this story! I was So Bored! You made my night
| Wayne Clark chapter 7 . 2/16
Hi, I WILL Not "Be a Troll" if I read your story it is that I like it. So keep on wrightling. -
(Grim Fate #7)
| Saphrae chapter 11 . 2/16
So far, I like your story. However, your understanding of triangulation is a little off. I get that you needed to have Harry and Logan have an opportunity for a heart-to-heart, but this is literally the slowest way possible to find someone if the point-me spell works as advertised. Imagine two people standing on the west and north points of a compass. If they both cast "point me" looking for the center, then Mr. West points East and Mrs. North points south. If West apparates east, his wand will either point west or east. no matter how far west or east he goes, he will only know that the point is somewhere on that line, and he'd have better luck walking on that line instead of trying to jump all over the place. On the other hand if West calls north and they compare answers, very simple geometry will let you calculate the location of a third point, given two known points, the distance between them, and the relevant angles.
| kabir0399 chapter 6 . 12/31/2015
Fast paced, but quite good
| kabir0399 chapter 3 . 12/22/2015
| kabir0399 chapter 1 . 12/22/2015
| Disturbed chapter 7 . 9/26/2015
I read all three of the books and I admit it was a good read, but I honestly just depised how you made ginny remarry, made me not as interested.
| T51b Moridin chapter 13 . 8/20/2015
Grats on working on your masters. Good luck. I see that was a canon ending just with more people not dying.
| T51b Moridin chapter 12 . 8/20/2015
The bit of comradery seemingly building here with logan is kinda cool.