|Reviews for Online Chat Dropped|
| poof chapter 16 . 8/19
too many loopholes and the progression from enemies to friend to couple was quite awkward? But nonetheless it was quite a good idea?!
| traciss chapter 16 . 6/16
wow what a waist of my time.
| QueenofRhymes chapter 4 . 5/1
I like this story so far. It seems interesting. I will definitely continue reading it.
| Guest chapter 16 . 4/11
You can't just end it! I need more
| Naruto7771 chapter 16 . 4/8
Homestly by for best story you have ever written U should have just revised it when u finished it...
| rose chapter 16 . 4/7
| Guest chapter 16 . 4/7
If you want suggestions, in my opinion, the two main things that need to change are Naruto's relationships with Kiba and Sasuke. I found the entire friendship with Kiba difficult to believe because of everything he'd done to Naruto in the past. In this fic, they were BFFs after only one chapter. I guess you wanted to make Kiba a friend so Naruto could have access to Sasuke's social group, but I'd prefer this were done in a different way than having Naruto become friends with all of his bullies. If this fic had a timeskip of 10 years, maybe I could believe that all those people had grown and matured in that time, enough so that they were better people and Naruto didn't feel any bitterness toward them anymore, but not right now. Bullying is a very emotionally scarring thing and many people carry the bad memories into adulthood, unfortunately.
That makes Naruto's relationship with Sasuke an even bigger problem because Sasuke was his main bully. There's something masochistic about Naruto if he not only forgives Sasuke for everything he did, but also hooks up with him! Sasuke's reasons for his actions were pathetic and shallow and not nearly enough that he deserved Naruto's forgiveness. The small bit of drama you get from Naruto hating Sasuke because he used to bully him isn't worth the way Sasuke being Naruto's bully undermines the pairing. I think it's better if Sasuke wasn't Naruto's bully and you tweaked their relationship slightly from how you've written it here so that most things are the same /except/ the bullying.
Keep the part about how Sasuke avoided Naruto because he was uncomfortable with his attraction to him. If you really, really want Naruto to dislike Sasuke for some reason, it should be for some forgivable crime. (At this point in Naruto's life, the bullying isn't forgivable.) Maybe the issue is something simple, like Sasuke always treated Naruto coldly and Naruto grew to dislike him because of his attitude, but the truth was that Sasuke always acted that way because he was confused/embarrassed about his feelings. See? That's forgivable because Sasuke never technically did anything bad to Naruto.
The other thing about this Sasuke is that he always acted entitled to Naruto, like Naruto would be HIS no matter what. But Sasuke was bullying him and all that, so he was technically pushing him away. It's not logical for him to suddenly act like he's got a claim on Naruto. The story didn't explain enough why Sasuke decided he was going to be with Naruto when he'd spent all that time pushing him away before. If something happened to make him change his mind, it ought to be clearer what that was. You could use the chat system for that and have Naruto encourage Sasuke to finally come out. In this version of the story, the fic just didn't do enough with Sasuke. His only real purpose in the fic was to hook up with Naruto. He didn't have very much depth at all.
Good luck on your revisions!
| Guest chapter 2 . 4/6
Love the idea but Kiba suddenly wanting to become friends with Naruto after bullying him and enjoying it for years just seem utterly unrealistic. Not even a day has passed since they held a proper conversation (well I don't even know if that was even a proper one since it ended with a fist to his face). No bully ever stops and starts any deep self-reflection just because his victim gives him what he wants. And Naruto wanting to be friends with his bully because he is sick of being alone also seems really forced. Put yourself in his situation, would you go out of your way to stick up for a bully and help him after he has tormented you for years? I mean, wouldn't it be easier to try and make an awkward connection to a stranger who never inflicted emotional and physical pain upon him than a person who, for all reasons that don't really matter, seemed to hate him? Meh I still like the concept so I will continue to follow the story. :)
| Nella Hyuga chapter 16 . 4/5
good to see your ok, was worried there :3 cant wait to read the revised chapters!
| ankwhat chapter 15 . 3/31
Really great and some what cute story. Please keep writing it.
| Robin the bird chapter 15 . 10/8/2014
Damn it Kiba, you're such a cock block!
| CosmicKate chapter 15 . 4/1/2014
Eeeeeeeeeekkkkkkkkk! I've just reread this story and I stttiiilllllllllllllllllll LOVE it! It's SOOOOOOOOOOOO CUTE! Keep up the awesome work and update when you get a chance! Thanks Luv!
| Guest chapter 2 . 2/11/2014
Kiba was a complete azzhole. I can't believe he would suddenly turn into Naruto's friend, or that Naruto would forgive him and happily accept him as his friend, no matter how lonely Naruto was. Canon Naruto didn't forgive the people of Konoha overnight. If Iruka and Sasuke (neither of whom ever bullied Naruto to begin with), hadn't been nice to him, he might still be pulling pranks on them all.
| holy hell woman chapter 15 . 1/24/2014
What the he'll! Update! Doing this tho preps is not okay! We love you now be nice
| caramelkitten chapter 15 . 1/12/2014
Please for the love of god continue this story..