|Reviews for Mutants and Miracles|
| Brooke Thomas chapter 11 . 4/17/2013
Brilliant ending! Good old Mikey, he's really not as gullible as he seems. Loved the 3rd wall bit too. I think you did a really good job with this, it felt OT and had a few lessons sprinkled through. Great work.
| Brooke Thomas chapter 10 . 4/17/2013
What a cute chapter! I thought Don was going to blow a gasket but I should have known better. Really like the interaction between him and Irma, it's sweet.
| Brooke Thomas chapter 9 . 4/17/2013
Aw! I like it and I can really picture the scene in the orphanage. I can't wait to see how Mikey gets on now :D
| Brooke Thomas chapter 8 . 4/17/2013
No! Not the moustache! Lol. I like Mikey in his 'stache. Nice nod to the UK fans and another good chapter. :)
| Brooke Thomas chapter 6 . 3/31/2013
Oh poor Mikey! He's definitely going above and beyond in that getup! What's the mystery item I wonder? The rat king is just plain scary, I always thought the OT version was best. Good chapter!
| C-T-CT chapter 11 . 3/10/2013
I think the conversation between April and Leonardo is a little off. Here in:
Leonardo nodded, "They certainly were, but the Frogs, sensei and I all volunteered to clear the paths as best we could" he said, "As a result, we couldn't pry ourselves away from that hostage crisis down at the orphanage"
"We can only be thankful that the other, most urgent deed of the day was carried out by two of my students" Splinter said
The way how Leonardo says it, he's saying that they couldn't get away FROM the hostage crisis with "we couldn't pry ourselves away", but Leo and his gang were never there according to Splinter. Maybe I'm just reading it wrong.
I think Leonardo should be saying, "We tried to, but we couldn't make a way to the hostage crisis down at the orphanage."
LOL, double entendre with Leonardo quipping "in the escort business" (Hilarious!)..."or happy to see her". LOL, somebody's been watching some Mae West films! Classic and love it!
Talk about twist after twist, LOL. What started off as a prank against the prankster (Raphael), suddenly turned upside down to an actual romance with April and Michelangelo! Wow! Again a kinda crossing the line with the original OT tone especially with lines like ("The Turtle got hot and heavy very quickly as uncertainty coursed through him.") I don't personally mind a romance story in the OT fic, just don't know how if you are loosening your guidelines a bit.
That was a cute, breaking the 4th wall ending with Splinter. (I'll post my overall review, you know where, LOL.)
| C-T-CT chapter 10 . 3/10/2013
"Decapitating him with a frying pan" LOL - "Donatello's Degree"
That was an entertaining twist on how Donatello was pretending to be infuriated with Irma's teddy bear, but it all turned out to be a prank when he changed the bear's sayings to more optimistic and heartwarming phrases.
The descriptive guilt and anxiety of Irma was good because the reader could really sense the tension she was feeling in talking with Donatello. And it was unique spin on things on how Donatello gave the "earlier gift" even though he wasn't affected by the love potion, but of course as you probably read on the forums I have my own theories. LOL
I know you're trying to follow the OT tone, but the scene kinda crossed the threshold here with Irma kissing Donatello ("In this spark of passion, a lifetime of possibility was unfolding for the pair of them." The scene was wonderfully written though). But again, it's your fic. I know the OT had at most, flirtatious talk between the Turtles and other species (i.e. Leo and Lotus, Kala and Michelangelo, and Mona Lisa and Raphael) but lip-on-lip kisses was never really done. Anyways, I'm not gripping or anything, LOL... It just surprised me the story made that abrupt of a romantic turn.
| C-T-CT chapter 9 . 3/8/2013
A small grammar issue but I just had to reread it a few times. For: "The safety of the children for the survival of what was, in his mind, the superior species." Try: "The safety of the children for the survival of, what was in his mind, the superior species." because there is a storytelling pause/interjection with "what was in his mind" before continuing with the sentence. ...It just flows a little better, that's all.
Wow! That was an interesting plot twist with having the captured children be amazed and allured by the Rat King's rebellious and eccentric ways with rats. Nothing one would consider, but makes sense since elementary school kids are usually fascinated with those type of things. That was pleasantly unexpected with the Rat King giving lessons/advice...I certainly would have thought of that, but when you change the environment/settings just right, I guess you can see a new side to a character you have never seen before. Good job Zarius! ...Really good!
A captivating climatic scene with the girl stopping the fight and it displayed some humanity from the Rat King (out of all people, LOL...was that your idea Zarius? To create some irony, "human"ity in the Rat King?), but I was bit surprised he was willing to give himself to the police rather than just fleeing with the rats.
One important spelling mistake "Michelangelo examined himself, his costume was covered in suit." It should be "covered in soot."
In this dialogue:
"Are you little rascals ok?" Michelangelo asked of the frightened girls huddled on the chair. They nodded.
One of the braver kids, not happy with the intrusion, walked over to the Turtle and stomped on his foot."
You may want to indicate who's foot by saying "Raphael's foot" rather than "his foot" because the reader assumes "his foot" is the male who was talking last...and that would be Michelangelo.
Love the Raphael and Michelangelo humor (sarcasm and puns) here! (LOL, "Phantom of the Opera" reference!) Great and in-character!
BIG word usage error here in: "Give them safe passage" he whispered. At this command, the rats seized their attack on the two Turtles and swarmed around him." Instead of "seized" it should be "ceased"! Because "seized" means to take advantage of/possess ("seize the moment") , and the rats would actually be ATTACKING and not stopping. ...Zarius...c'mon now. LOL
Instead of "twirling their fingers around their heads" (it seems like the fingers are "revolving" around the head) say "circularly moving their index finger near the side of their heads" or "circularly moving their fingers near their temples", a little detailed but it gives a better visual description. "Twirl" is a word used for an object in which the WHOLE object rotates/spins, like the blades of a fan, baton twirling, or also Donatello's bo. (The rotational axis, in "twirling", is in the middle of the object, to be specific.)
| C-T-CT chapter 8 . 3/8/2013
LOL "Green eggs and large ham"...Dr. Seuss Ha Ha! British censorship with the breaking the 4th wall joke! LOL, great stuff!
It's nice to see Raph & Mikey "proving" themselves to the police they don't need all 4 of them to help/rescue others. It was a great to see that here!
You see Zarius when you have a song lyric like "Two hearts, taking out just one mind...", I DO the research! ROFL It's from the song "Two Hearts" by Phil Collins. Hmm...any subtext here? You're adding some fuel to the fire Zarius, LOL
Ah! Raphael and Michelangelo going down the chimney? LOL
| C-T-CT chapter 7 . 3/8/2013
Hmmm... interesting philosophical beginning about pride.
Maybe you state in the sentence "including the power in his Turtle-Com" you should say "including the power in his recharging Turtle-Com" because the Turtle-Com is wireless, so the reader might wonder how a blackout can affect a wireless device. Since there was a power blackout, and since Donatello has expertise in electronics, you may want to include a small sentence that he checked the lair's fuse box. It's usually the first place anybody goes to if there's a power outage to try and locate how widespread or destructive the power surge is.
I don't know if "sonic welder" is the right term to describe an invention that can operate machinery from a distance since a "welder" is a tool that fuses pieces of metal together. A more appropriate term would be "sonic remote" like a remote control for a television that can "operate machinery from a distance."
"So he began to work, the candlelight his only companion, the only glimmer of warmth and hope in a mercilessly cold environment. He collected his tools and began to work away." An excellent line to highlight his solitude and loneliness! (LOL, But he would probably need a lantern since it would provide better light for those small electronic parts. ROFL, reminds me of experiencing that August 2003 blackout in the U.S.)
"rebellious kids at a time of great hospitality." Instead of hospitality (usually used for treating guests/strangers nicely if they are staying at one's home) try "benevolence". Interesting twists: 1) Don's optimism with the bear thinking it will say something joyous, but then 2) The harsh FULL sarcastic sayings, 3) Why would Irma have it? (Made me read Ch. 4 again! Brillant Zarius! LOL)
"Now he'd been taken for a ride, he had contributed to Irma's misery by succeeding in his repairs, and the very idea of contributing to someone's foul mood was eating away at him." Deep Zarius! Deep! Love it! :)
Hmm...how is Don going to get Irma back? The chapter was a good introspective look into Don's thinking, I like it a LOT! You explained his thinking process (what I'm also doing in the characters of my fanfic! :) ) and helps the reader understand the depth of Don's disappointment and frustration in the following line: "But what really irritated him was that she had begged him for help in this situation. He was always a very hopeful creature, rarely seeing a bad side to anything. After all, if you didn't have encouragement and optimism, the need for invention and creativity of any sort would be non-existent." Awesome Zarius!
But as for OT Donatello, ALWAYS being an optimist [aka "very hopeful creature"]...that's not entirely true since he and OT Raphael are notorious for being pessimistic with humanity in the series. (I'm not vehemently making this position, but there are some episodes that point strongly to this, especially in the Red Sky seasons.)
| C-T-CT chapter 6 . 3/8/2013
Ah! The clothes from the "Big Cufflink Caper" with Michelangelo's clothes. LOL By the way, how is Raphael dressed? In a regular disguise or without one? (I'm assuming something regular since they only don't wear one in fighting situations.) ...A small detail but you may want to say "inside the nearby Subway restaurant" than just "nearby Subway" because a tiny few may confuse subway (it's the word used for the "tube" or "underground" in America). I didn't but...others might for some reason.
That's an interesting situation by using Raphael and Michelangelo to lead and save the orphanage. Usually in the OT, it's typically Leonardo and/or Donatello to resolve the crisis but we don't see Raph and Mikey work together at the very most they solved things individually when they had their own episodes in seasons 4-6.
"blend of a comedian and an idiot"...hey now Zarius, LOL, other depictions of Mikey may make him to be an idiot, but not the OT though... he may be naive and ignorant... but not dumb in the OT. LOL (In fact, the OT may depict him to be one of the smartest version of Mikey throughout the other TMNT depictions if you remove the pizza obsession, surfer slang, and Raphael's teasing.)
Maybe something like "blend of a comedian and a (juvenile?) optimist". (I thought juvenile was an appropriate word without giving the harsher words of naive and ignorant.) It's subtle, but the words you describe about Michelangelo (i.e. idiot), or any character for that matter, with your narration, will indicate to the reader in how you (the author) perceive Michelangelo's character. So I thought the phrase "juvenile optimist" was a bit more tactful rather than the harsh "idiot" term.
| C-T-CT chapter 5 . 3/8/2013
I liked the first 3 paragraphs of this chapter, describing April's actions and purpose behind them. Again, it gives the character some depth as to why a character is doing something.
Ha Ha! Vernon splitting his pants, great humor! Sweet comic relief with Vernon! LOL
You can combine the 3 paragraphs near the end of the chapter, since they still all deal with April. The sentences "Back in the van..." "She couldn't wait..." and "Her mood was slightly marred..."
| C-T-CT chapter 4 . 3/8/2013
That was an enjoyable, light-hearted chapter Zarius. I see you kept the identity of whoever gave the puppy a secret here. Hmm...
The interaction between Irma and Donatello felt natural and they seem to have unique bond of each having their own "dorkiness" and clumsy behaviors. In addition, it was warm statement with "I need something to remind me of what Christmas is really like."
I'm glad you tied the lose ends with Irma and Howie to give some resolution to that. Funny quip with Irma at the end.
| Xipholynx chapter 11 . 3/7/2013
I absolutely LOVED this! It was very heartwarming and funny. I'll definitely be keeping my eye out for your next one! :)
| Brooke Thomas chapter 4 . 3/7/2013
Aw bless Donny! Nice interplay between him and Irma. :)