Reviews for You're mine
Fallen Star19 chapter 1 . 4/8/2013
Good story, you need to check your grammar though
Guest chapter 1 . 2/26/2013
Great fic. It was a nice read.
GrammarNut chapter 1 . 2/26/2013
I really like your story, but there are many grammatical mistakes. It might seem life a trifle thing to worry about, but grammatical mistakes can distract the reader from the great story you're writing. I don't mean to offend you in any way, I promise. Grammar is one of the first things I take as an indicator of a good, thorough story.
Just a few tips.
Title - 'Your mine' should be 'You're Mine' - 'your' is a possessive adjective, as in 'Your story was great.' 'You're' is a subject-verb construction. i.e. 'You're a great writer.' You make this mistake a couple times. It's a very common error but is still distracting.
You are either using the comma too liberally and are creating run-on sentences or not using them at all when they are needed.
Your summary also seems to be a combination of two sentences into a run-on. A better way to phrase it would be: "When Bilbo thinks he has made a new friend in Rivendell, the Dwarves avoid him the next day as though he were an orc. Why are they acting so peculiar? And what is Thorin's role in this behavior?"
The very first sentence of your story is an incredibly long run-on sentence. A simple way to fix this would be to break it into multiple sentences.
I won't bore you with any more. I just wanted to give you a few tips. I really did enjoy your story. :)
DDValentine chapter 1 . 2/25/2013
Well sometimes I have no idea what some sentences mean...but other than that it's really good. I loved it. Just read it over again to see the errors and correct them.
bhappy137 chapter 1 . 2/25/2013
Hi! I really like your ideas but I think someone needs to review them before you post them. You misuse a lot of words or you use two words with similar spellings but they mean totally different things. Your ideas are great you just need to fine tune your wording because it takes away from the story.
xXxOtAkU-444xXx chapter 1 . 2/25/2013
I like it! **
vampygurl402 chapter 1 . 2/25/2013
Good fic!