|Reviews for My home is gone, but I'll help get yours back if I can|
| Durinsdottir chapter 10 . 10/16/2013
Ooooh so everyone knows now.
It was really sweet how they all rushed to help her
| Durinsdottir chapter 8 . 10/16/2013
Loved everything in this chapter! Bofur feeding her was the cutuest thing!
| Durinsdottir chapter 7 . 10/15/2013
I love the development of your OC. She's funny and a fighter. I like how the zombie plotline is coming out slowly, like it isn't overwhelming the story. It keeps a sense of mystery about her.
All the interaction between her and the group is great. It feels sincere and real. I especially like how you're incorperating a lot of the dwarves- some people tend to focus on the... well, the hot ones XD
Speaking of hot dwarves... Thorin has got some serious issues, making her sit out of the fun and such. Something tells me he's the one getting distracted by her, not everyone else... I hope they have more scenes together that'll develope thier... uh relationship, if you can call it that. Lol.
Loving this story. Cheers!
| Pearl Primrose chapter 9 . 10/10/2013
I pushed the post review button before I was done! Sorry. Luckily, this is a A/N chapter so I can finish my review here :)
Anyway, the typical OC reaction to finding out about Thorin's prejudice against Elves is always the same. Since most OCs are from the modern world, they're supposed to be more accepting, so Thorin's behavior naturally baffles them. Side note: Actually being on this website, I've seen people with pretty homophobic behavior against BagginShield and that proves everyone ain't so accepting. All in all, these "accepting" OCs actually come off like hypocrites themselves because they're being judgmental arses of Dwarf behavior or Thorin's behavior. So I enjoyed Alicia's reaction: it was a good balance. Excuse my little rant there :p
| Pearl Primrose chapter 8 . 10/10/2013
There was something really observant of the characters when you mentioned Bofur and Bombur having to take care of Bifur in the same way. I'm really glad to have found that in a fic. Oh my gosh, when you mentioned Mulan and Star Wars in the same line I got a bunch of plot bunnies. So thanks for that. Even though it was supposed to be funny, I found it sad Alicia crawling on the floor. Is it just me or does Bofur and Alicia have a thing ;) I liked the mention of Thorin gauging Alicia's face for falsehood. So Thorin. I'm glad you get that about Thorin. So many writers on here seem to miss Thorin's glaring characteristics. Liked the dialogue between Alicia and Thorin at the end. I cs, whenever
| kitcat12 chapter 13 . 10/10/2013
Hi, I would just like to say that I really love your story and hope that you will continu it zombys in the story really freaked me out. I would wake up from nightmarers also if it were me who lived through a zomby apokalips.
| Pearl Primrose chapter 7 . 10/4/2013
This was a long one :)
The action was pretty jumpy in this chapter. The transitions between what's happening at point A and then point B could be smoother. Also, I noticed a bit more spelling mistakes in this one. You mispelled warg and Bilbo at one point. I liked Alicia's reaction to Rhadaghast (I apologize if I mispelled it) how she told him he had bird poop on him. That was funny.
I really think Bilbo and the Dwarves should've asked about Alicia right away if they care about her so much, you know?
| Pearl Primrose chapter 6 . 10/3/2013
I disagree with Thorin telling Alicia to stay away from his nephews and for him saying that she's distracting the company. That whole thing came off cliche because there was no reason for it, you know? If Thorin is going to say something like that, he needs a reason. I DO like how Thorin doesn't trust her, though, and it makes perfect sense because Alicia is secretive. And I think secretive people would make Thorin really uncomfortable. He wants to know everything. At first, when Alicia was thinking about the company suffering, I was kinda like, "Eh?" But then I really liked that you added the part where she realized it was sick to think that. It made her sound very human.
| Pearl Primrose chapter 5 . 9/26/2013
Since this is Middle-earth, I don't think the trolls would know what a salad is. Also, I think it would be better if Alicia didn't do all that attacking and instead just snuck into the camp and was caught by the trolls. And then she could be all cunning and stuff. I'm not sure if trolls are THAT stupid to befriend someone who was just slashing them. It felt kind of weird how Alicia was laughing at them while they were fighting the trolls. As in where is the humanity? Us watching it as moviegoers is funny, but being there in person would be really terrifying. UNLESS Alicia is a psychopath, which I doubt. A psychopath joins the company would be a good fic now that I really think about it :)
Anywho, the company seems to gush over her too easy, like dishing out compliments all the time. To some readers, it could come off Mary-sue in a way. But I don't think Alicia's a Mary-sue.
| Pearl Primrose chapter 4 . 9/26/2013
I liked the inclusion of Bifur, and how you realize as the author that he looks out of it most of the time. Bifur usually gets cast aside and forgotten like Nori :(
There was random first person in here when you used "I." If those lines were supposed to be her thoughts, italicize them or add she thought afterwards to show it.
I liked the Alicia and Dwalin bit, too, though I think he opened up a little too easily. Remember, he's a Dwarf and one of the older ones who's probably distrustful of humans. Maybe make it evident Dwalin has trouble opening up by him getting briefly mad. But I DO think you should keep the part where she tells Dwalin about her past. That's her willing to bring down her guard, which would show Dwalin maybe he can.
| Pearl Primrose chapter 3 . 9/23/2013
So Alicia's decision to go with them seemed kind of abrupt. Like maybe you can have her pondering over fear of being all alone or fearing zombies coming out of nowhere to attack. And that could be why she'd rather go with the company. It seems from her zombieapocalypse experience, she would be used to finding power in numbers. I liked the exchanges between her, Fili, and Kili though it always seems like a Hobbit fanfiction trope to buddy up with them. I think Fili would be polite, but Kili might not all be honky dory since she's a human. He seems to take to Bilbo pretty easy, but I think it's because he's a Hobbit and Kili seems curious about them. The Ri brothers opening up like that? I'm not so sure. I think Bofur would kind of "open up" if anyone. The Ri brothers seem like they've had the most dysfunctional past, 'sides Thorin with them having all different fathers. In Dwarf society, that would be looked down upon big time. I liked how you showed Thorin didn't trust her and I think it would be because he expects the worse from everyone. Like he expects to be disappointed, so I don't think so much 'cause she's capable.
| Pearl Primrose chapter 2 . 9/19/2013
Alicia is definitely a more likeable OC than other OCs who go on the quest. I think it would be really interesting for you to create a scenario where Alicia has to go zombie badass on something at Bag End. I'm thinking since she's from the zombie apocalypse, she must know how to kick butt. Then that would prove she isn't a totally "helpless" woman. I liked the part when Bofur was talking about Smaug, and Alicia thought "lovely." You were tapping into her voice. Definitely feel free to tap into more voice. Voice does so many writing wonders. Here's some food for thought: I noticed you slipped into present tense at times when this is in past tense. Make sure to pick one and stick to it. And, I was wondering if this is purposely third-person omniscient (forgive me if I mispelled it) POV? If it's supposed to be from only Alicia's POV, then we shouldn't know what Bilbo is thinking. Get what I'm saying?
| Pearl Primrose chapter 1 . 9/16/2013
Before I begin this review, I will keep it 100 and let you know my friends used to call me Simon Cowell in high school. I've got a really critical eye, but I'm more than happy to review and help. Okay, so let's get it crackin' :)
So in the beginning, I was a little confused. Was Alicia going through all these events, as in did her friends just get shot, or was it supposed to be a memory. I got the gist that she was going through everything right there and then, running from zombies (BTW, awesome premise. I always have had this dream of writing a zombie-apocalypse story, and start it "Blood was on the golden arches" as in McDonald's lol)
I felt this was a lot of tell, not show. Like Alicia could've been more frantic, breathing heavily, running, scared for her life you know? I didn't feel the fear or tension, where this should've been a high-tension moment. And the reason why was because you were telling, not showing.
Oh, yeah, and don't use single quotes unless it's in a quote itself. Where you used single quotes, there should've been just quotes. It's all right to use quotes if it's from the person's POV and they're thinking something and if it feels relative enough for you to quote it as the author. Using quotes for sarcasm, too, is all right.
For dialogue tags, you wanna get this down now, or it will be a helluva lot of trouble. I had a war with dialogue tags for like a year.
If you're talking about your characters saying anything, as in speaking, saying, replying, responding, admitting, confessing, insisting, then you use a comma. Example: Bilbo said, "You are smoking hot, Thorin." For using actions, as in looking, glancing, glaring, turning, facing, you use a period. Example: Thorin smiled. "You are the sexiest hobbit I've ever seen, Bilbo."
The dialogue was wooden, as in I can't really see people speaking this way, especially Alicia after such a high-tense moment. She should be freaking out, like going, "GAH! There's a Hobbit! What if he's a zombie, too?"
There was one particular lines or few lines I liked:
He chuckled, " That's not rude at all my dear. I am a hobbit. We usually don't get much taller than me, maybe wider. We're quiet folk who keep our noses to ourselves. Stay away from trouble and no trouble will find you."
" So you don't really have any problems out here?" She asked looking out the window.
" Well, we have little thieves and hooligans."
For someone coming out of the zombie-apocalypse, that was what they would so be thinking. I think even people from our just plain ol' modern world would think the Shire is a piece of cake, ya know?
So I don't know if I'll be able to review every chapter like this, but I'll try. I probably can catch up later in the week. Again, fantastic premise :)
| myharlequinromance321 chapter 13 . 8/9/2013
This story was so great and I love the OC. I like how you have built her relationships with the company:))
| ScarletMageRei chapter 13 . 6/26/2013
I love your story! You've done a very good job with Alicia's character and personality. hmm... I can't think of anything I'd like to happen.. Well maybe...