It looks like there are gong to be all kinds of dangers and pitfalls during this key moment in Oz history. I hope our heroes are able to withstand the challenges and threats they face.

I also noticed a few things I'll send via PM.

- Count Mallet -

Cool.

We all get busy with real life and such. My sports interests are going to take up more time now, so I'm thankful I've already written the upcoming chapters to my stories already. So, I can post them on schedule. Also, the Oz fandoms seem to get few followers, as based on the traffic to my own Oz stories. Try not to get too discouraged.

I did notice a stray letter n before the sentence starting "The waterfall lightly sprayed". apart from that, it's interesting to see Winnie learning how to use her magic. I imagine we will see more of that next chapter?

- Count Mallet -

People like your story.

Interesting see a mix of manual labor (planting seeds) and magic. I actually liked how you combined the two together.

Also, good job improving the quotations and dialogue. This was a lot easier to read.

It will be interesting to see who the bird is/was - and who the mysterious archer is (and where the archer's allegiances lie).

- Count Mallet -

It's interesting to see fairies working to create the Land of Oz. Maybe that's why it's known as a fairy land.

There are so few people writing in the Oz categories here (I've written a couple of stories in Books » Wonderful Wizard of Oz), so it's nice to see someone else write something. I'm not sure what to think so far. But since this is interesting enough to want to see another chapter, I'll look to see what you do next.

Here are some items you might want to consider:

You might want to use a separator line between your introductory text and the body of the story. That makes it easier to show where the actual story takes place. I also use one at the end of the story before any closing notes.

With dialogue, different speakers should be denoted with new paragraphs. It makes it a lot easier to follow conversation. As an example:

"Who are you?" he asked curiously.

"I'm Dorothy," the girl replied softly.

That is much easier to read than: "Who are you?" he asked curiously. "I'm Dorothy," the girl replied softly. Also, it makes it easier to see who says what.

Also, if you're basing your story after Baum's Wonderful Wizard of Oz books and characters (especially your Great & Powerful Oz character), those are in the public domain.

I've dealt with writers block myself. It's a bit ironic when my head always seem to overflow with ideas, but it happens to all of us. Good luck with your future writing ventures.

- Count Mallet -