Reviews for The 24 Trying To Survive
CrazyChick224 chapter 13 . 6/20/2013
Yay! You updated! LAUGHED! MY! FRICKIN'! HEAD! OFF! Everyone is so funny! LUV LUNA AND ZOE! Anyhow! I really liked this chapter and I hope you update REALLY SOON! Buh-bye!
airplanes in the night sky chapter 12 . 5/24/2013
My email's screwed up and it won't send me alerts on when you update. Oh well! It's awesome how you're already on the private training sessions; a lot of SYOT's I know have been around longer than this one and they're barely past the Reapings. Slightly confused though: wouldn't there be three training days before the Games? Whatever. Great chapter, and I especially like Leon. Update soon!
CrazyChick224 chapter 12 . 5/23/2013
Hooday! Leo, Leo, Leo, YOUR SO FUNNY! I laughed my head off when Canyon was staring at Keto's chest! ROTFL! Anyhow, I love this chapter and please update soon! Also... couldn't help but notice you A/U note... who's "spider-pig"? Uhmmm... I hope you aren't thinking what I'm thinking... MUAHAHAHA! But that's besides the point! PLEASE UPDATE!
OboeShoes chapter 12 . 5/23/2013
Yay, private training sessions! I'm excited for the games to get underway. Some great ideas behind the writing, but maybe consider having someone beta-read to catch the little slip-ups all of us are prone to? It'll take this story to the next level, for sure!
Radio Free Death chapter 1 . 5/9/2013
Okay the dog piss scene was morbidly humorous, although to be fair, you could be able to smell it long before you start thinking if it's rain or not.

Why is the dog called Nacht? Unless German is well-known in One, it doesn't make sense, unless it was discovered that they found the name some other way and thought it sounded cool.

There are a lot of errors in the text, such as lack of punctuation. The rest is a bit generic, typical events that happen in District One. Not much stands out.
CrazyChick224 chapter 11 . 5/8/2013
Hooday! YAY! You updated! I LOVE THIS CHAPTER! Luna is so funny! Luna has to be my fav tribute so far! And Zoe! PLEASE UPDATE SOON!
CrazyChick224 chapter 10 . 5/2/2013
Hooday! THIS IS SO FUNNY! You're such a good writer! You wrote Zoe SO well! I was laughing my head off for hours! I really like Luna too! SHES HILARIOUS! Defintly voting for her on your poll!
CrazyChick224 chapter 9 . 4/29/2013
Hooday! You update fast! Just have to say this, that escort is SUPER FUNNY! I loved the Ini Mini Miny mo part! LOLED so hard! And Leon's dad is HORRIBLE! If I were Leon I would punch him! And I found Matilda really funny the way she would act stuff out! SHE'S AWESOME! Update soon!
jessicallons-y chapter 8 . 4/28/2013
Nice to read about fellow Careers. It's great that you only have two more chapters left for the reapings. I can't wait for District Two! Update soonxxx
airplanes in the night sky chapter 8 . 4/28/2013
Atlantia on her first period? AHAHAHAHA. You've chosen the perfect place to start. You did great at picturing Keto. I like Canyon too - he seems interesting, and he has an interesting background. Can't wait for the enxt update!
CrazyChick224 chapter 8 . 4/28/2013
Hooday! YAY! YOU FINALLY UPDATED! I really like this chapter! I thought the beginning of Keto's POV was funny, I don't know why,I'm just evil that way! MUAHAHAHA
CrazyChick224 chapter 7 . 4/7/2013
Wow! This is a good story! I really like Granger, his condition... is... different, different in a AWESOME way! And I really like Zoe too! You wrote her awesomely! You awesome man! Update soon!
jinnyzoid chapter 1 . 4/7/2013
"lifes, intresting, boreing"

–These are just a couple of words that I found in the first paragraph already that were misspelled (It should be lives, interesting and boring) These typos are always editable but it is quite distracting seeing as there are a whole lot more words misspelled in the chapter itself. Reading over the chapter before posting it should not be too hard and you'd be able to spot these errors even in just one look-over. If you have trouble with writing in English, you should get a beta. They are very useful.

"Am i what?" i said.

–Remember to always capitalize the I! Not capitalizing the "I" would make your work look quite mediocre. Yes, one simple error like that can make a story look bad. Capitalizing your "I"s is essential.

"Avalon Input" I responded.

"You lied to me I heard my sister sob into my ear, why did you lie!"

–For the first statement, if the dialogue doesn't stand alone (it should end with a period if it does), then it should be like this: "Avalon Input," I responded. I've seen plenty of authors who have trouble with dialogue so this is normal I suppose. Just keep in mind the correct way to do it.
–For the second statement, there is clearly a major error in this one. I am assuming this was supposed to be read as: "You lied to me!" I heard my sister sob into my ear. "Why did you lie?" One thing to remember is that if your sentence is interrogative, it should end with a question mark. If you want to put emphasis to the sentence to make it seem like the person speaking is shouting, italicize it. The 'I heard my sister sob into my ear' can also be shortened to a simple 'my sister sobbed into my ear'. I'm not saying what you did was wrong. I think either one is good. I just think the second one sounds less awkward and straight to the point.

In general, this story has many errors writing-wise. If you read over your chapter, it is missing commas, apostrophes and even periods. I really suggest you to fix these errors as they can be very distracting to the readers. I won't be mentioning the other errors here since I am going to assume that you know which sentences and paragraphs contain the errors. I do hope you keep this in mind for your next chapters. If you have errors in your next chapter, they're probably similar to the errors I pointed out in this one.

Plot-wise, I suppose it is not bad. I believe SYOTs are hard to write since you focus on twenty-four tributes. I commend you on trying the challenge out. Your story may have a plot and it may have potential but it is not quite there yet for me. You're only just starting the story; I know. Being exposed to this critique may help you with the future of your story at the very least so it is good these errors are pointed out to you before you go deeper into the plot line. I am not here to offend you as a person. I am simply giving suggestions for the improvement of your story. Happy writing. —jinny
jessicallons-y chapter 7 . 4/6/2013
Good chapter! Can't wait for District 2. :)
CrazyChick224 chapter 6 . 3/27/2013
AWESOME CHAPTER! MUAHAHAHA! I really like Moric, with the whole finger thing. Update soon! :)
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