OMG! I kept bursting out in laughter during this entire fic. (I just read it). My dad kept asking me if I was alright. "I'm fine, Dad!". It was so, so funny. And its a great parody of those annoying half-elf/elf/orphaned/angsted/ect. Sues who really make me fall asleep. I like the way you interjected it with (*) and commenting on how ridiculous this really was.

I really, really, like the fanfic lounge. The Secretary is my favorite character. I think it was great the way the Guides were animals (the dog at the end was LOL). Whatever. I loved teh whole thing.

This is one I will tell my grandchildren about. (Well, maybe not. But I'll remember it for sure!)

I know this is a squee, but I can't help it. You singlehandedly (well, ok, twohandedly) made my ENTIRE WEEK. I've read the Fanfic lounge at TORn and had no idea you'd written any more. I have all respect for writers who can do comedy, and you got it down pat. My stomach still hurts from the spasms.

So, just a note to say THANK YOU... Some of those images will be with me for a while, and hopefully the resulting giggle fits won't end up with my friends placing me in a sanitarium.

Kat

PS - the link to your story was up at the HA yahoo group, if you wanted to know how I found it.

I realize I'm a bit slow on the uptake, but I've just discovered this story and I have to show my appreciation somehow, so..

May Heaven bless you for giving the world this story! I haven't laughed so hard or felt so vindicated in a long, long time. The entire Mary-Sue cult is worth it, for bringing this story into existence! And, oh, how it makes up for all the atrocities that have been carried out since LOTR fanfiction began...bravo!

There's far too many high points in this story to mention them all, but the fantastic originality of the plot, the guides, the merciless rending apart of every bad cliche that ever was-and you still manage to keep the 'real' characters in character-they still have all the depth and complexity that they had in Tolkien. Wonderful, wonderful job!

Genius, absolute genius. Excellent parody!

btw, I probably shouldn't ask, but what happens with 'work in progress' stories? Do the characters just get stuck in them?

A truely fine writer brings much pleasure. It was a blast!

HAHAHA! That was absolutely terrific! _ I especially LOVE those little Guides (the rat is my favorite )... for some reason, it just amazes me how you were able to make them so genuinely cute and funny and likable. And the dialogue is so perfect! I'm sure almost any other writer would never have been able to pull that off half as well as you did.

Deserves a standing ovation! *stands up and applauds like heck*

ROFL! This is sheer genius! Death to The Sue...

Oh, huzzah!

I don't even like Tolkien fanfic - but this is brilliant. A cure for PMS "I hate everything"-ness.

Just out of morbid curiosity, have you considered doing a Gary Stu for LoTR?

Hi Nell,

Well, you've done it again - another fic that's absolutely gorgeous. I've made a note of some of my favourite bits of the story, as well as some comments about all of these.

***HERE BE SPOILERS***

If you haven't read this story, stop now, go read it, then come back. Really.

***

Enóreth straightened with touching dignity, took a moment to rearrange the artistic drape of her skirts, and said, "I come bearing a warning to you all. Great danger waits for you in the journey ahead."

"Well, we knew *that*," said Pippin with a dark look toward Caradhras. "There doesn't seem to be much avoiding it, now does there?"

***

Wonderful to see that Pippin is being cast as the smart-mouthed cheeky hobbit who can get away with being sarky to her Sueness, because she can't believe that anyone so absolutely adorably kay-yewt could possibly mean to be nasty to her. Go Pippin!

***

Her tale must have been heart-wrenching indeed, for none among the Fellowship could restrain dreary sighs as she tearfully recounted the tragedy of her childhood.

***

Well, of course, no Mary Sue could ever be *boring*, now could she? Well, maybe not to anyone except the Fellowship, who have had to sit through these stories a few too many times. Possibly there's a secret motion in the Fellowship that the first thing that Aragorn should do on claiming the throne of Gondor is to start an orphan asylum for the care and feeding of any strange female children found in the woods in the middle of nowhere? It'd be a start.

***

"Finrond the Purple?" sputtered Gandalf. "What in the name of - !" Then he remembered himself and lowered his voice with an effort. "Oh. Yes. Finrond the Purple. Of course." He fell silent and said nothing more, but sat glowering and muttering under his breath for the rest of Enóreth's tale.

***

Well, yes, of course. Along with Ragna the Urple. Oh, hang on, this isn't OFUM. Corvid the Plaid? Oh, not the PPC neither. Damn, I've no idea *where* that particular twisted Maiar came from... Sauron? Any ideas?

***

Boromir gazed at her with a bemused look on his face. "This is Finrond's greatest villainy?" he said. "Setting one mortal woman against the nine of us?" Then by some afterthought he added, "How awful!"

***

*chortle* Yes, that's definitely Boromir. Practical, straightforward, and well and truly aware of the military realities of the situation. It would truly be awful if she went up against the nine of them, because even in the grip of the Story, she'd be mincemeat inside of minutes. Four very good warriors, one wizard, and four hobbits, one of whom can do the cute pouty-face thing, another of whom can be bewitchingly kay-yewt at the drop of a hat. She's gone.

***

"Alas! there is none!" mourned Frodo. "At least I have the consolation of knowing you will protect her. She must not go alone, so fair, so brave!" Then he paused, glanced over his shoulder, and leaned close. "Is she really that bad?" he whispered.

Legolas understood; for the moment all pretence was dropped. Glad for the confidence, he sighed wearily and sat down beside Frodo. "It would seem so. She is singing again."

"Oh no!" said Frodo dismayed. "Is that what that noise is? My ears have been ringing for five minutes and I can't hear half as well as you!"

"I know," Legolas replied, and pressed his fingers against his brow where a persistent ache had developed. "I fear there are dark times ahead."

***

Ah yes, the famed singing of the Sues. Never underestimate song as a ballistic weapon. First recorded as having been used with deadly accuracy by a bard called Cacofonix in a small village to the north of Gaul, it now appears that this bard was merely the inheritor of a long tradition.

***

If the Story said there was a forest to the North, there was a forest to the North. Niggling details like geography could be ignored.

***

Oh gods. Oh gods yes. Geography, physics, meteorology, chemistry, anatomy, physiology, you name an -ology, it can be ignored. Actually, name any scientific or pseudo-scientific field (including economics, which quite frankly bears more resemblance to witchcraft, IMO), and be prepared to see a/the Story ignore it.

***

"Say Legolas, I've been noticing that you WHOA, DON'T SHOOT ME!" The racoon dove behind the stump and poked his head back out. "Easy there, Elf Boy!"

***

The racoon gazed at him with wry understanding. "Yeah. Everything. I know," he said. "Look, this is a tough Story and we Guides have been feeling bad for you, so a bunch of us have banded together to keep her busy until sunrise. The chipmunks and baby rabbits are going to get more cuddles than what's good for them by the time the night is over, but it's a price we're willing to pay."

***

Y'know, these two suddenly make a hell of a lot of sense out of Disney animated cartoons. All of a sudden the cute animal friends for all the major characters make *sense*. They're not just there to add moichandising potential to the story - they're also keeping the major characters in line, and ensuring that they stay within the storyline that the animators have been given. (Damn, now I'm getting a "behind the scenes" look at "Aladdin", where the cute animal characters are basically saying "yes, yes, we *know* it's only touching on the original storyline, characterisation and location tangentially, but you're stuck here, so are we, so will you *please* co-operate and get on with it? Thank you!" - excuse me while I put this plotbunny in the hutch with the others).

***

"Oh! That's better," she said after a time. She gave him a squeeze and nuzzled against his neck. "What a horrible dream it was! Trapped by a relentless evil creature with no soul! Can anyone comprehend such torment?"

"I have some idea," wheezed Legolas.

***

*chortle*

***

When Legolas awoke, the first thing he knew was that his head ached horribly. Then he became aware of being cold and uncomfortable, kneeling on a very hard floor in a dark room, tied upright against a stone pillar with his hands and feet bound behind him. And when he discovered that whoever had tied him up had also found it necessary to loosen his collar and unbraid his hair, he slumped in his bonds and moaned. Alas, Legolas had fallen into the clutches of a Hero In Bondage Scene.

***

Otherwise known as "the writer is indulging his/her hormones. Again." These scenes are the bane of any sensible canon character, and most will do almost anything to avoid one. There have been rumours of various characters throwing themselves head first out of high towers and into brambles to avoid them.

***

And laugh he did, flinging back his head and producing a veritable "BWAH-HAHHH-HAHAHAHAAAA!" if ever there was one.

"Ilúvatar deliver us!" cried Enóreth.

"I do not believe this," groaned the Silvan prince.

***

It was Enóreth. And her evil side had been brought forth, if the skin-tight black leather garments she wore were any indication.

"You!" she snarled.

"Oh bother," Legolas muttered.

***

That was all Legolas needed to hear. A dry smile curled his lips, and he raised his voice until it rang through the chamber. "Then this mighty sorcerer will deign to show himself in my presence? Or perhaps he is afraid!"

Barely had the echo of his words died away when a sudden gale buffeted the fortress like an angry giant. A panel of the window swung against the wall and shattered, and as the wind howled into the room the fire sputtered and went out. The floor below was plunged into shadow. Then, slowly, the crystal ball began to glow with a cold blue light.

All of this took about five minutes. Legolas was patient.

***

He staggered back, clutching at his wounded breast. In his spite, he had committed the crucial and oft-overlooked error of laughing maliciously before he was sure of his victory. And Legolas, anticipating just such a mistake, had fired off three arrows while Finrond was not paying attention.

Finrond had never in his life been so dumbfounded. "You ... you shot me, you little wanker!"

***

*chuckle* Is it possible to leave a copy of the "Evil Overlord List" lying around in the fanfic lounge? Just so that the characters know what they're avoiding? I mean, it does help that these evil wizards, orc captains, overlords, you name it are all so bloody stereotypical that you could just about use them as templates. Of course, evil gets the better dress code, if you believe such things (thank all the gods the movie didn't... Aragorn in leather, mmmmmmmmm... what? Oh, sorry, got distracted there [fx: wipes drool from chin]). Anyway, black leather is just *soo* stereotypical for evil. It looks better on the good guys anyway... Boromir in black leather...mmmmmmmmmmmm... (drifts off into a lustful dream).

***

So, once again, a wonderful story. Please, please, more of the same (as well as the other stuff you're writing - I look forward to that with interest. From what I'm hearing on the HA list, it sounds like it's going to be good!).

Meg

-

Hehehe, I read this story when it only had like 4 parts, but then I couldn't find it again and I REALLY wanted to see what happened. I tried the Search thing, first time Mary Sue. Then i tried Legolas Mary Sue and your story was in there! Yay! Anyway, "Oh. Yes. Finrond the Purple. Of course." Lol, I loved it. Great story. :)

LMAO! Oh dear Valar, this was hilarious! You *must* do another one of these; perhaps a Frodo one? Or, heaven forbid, a Boromir one? I'd LOVE to see poor Boz tormented by a horrible Sue, mwahahaha...why yes, I *am* fond of torturing my favorite characters, why do you ask?

I got to your story thru GAFF, where I lurk occasionally.

That ruled. Excellent job, and very funny. I cringed right along with Legolas. It was quite an experience.

emily

Bwahahahah! ;)

...Legolas kissing Mary Sue (poor, poor elf), releases her, she takes oportunity to swoon, he just steps aside and watches her chrash to the floor...

That was great! The whole story is brilliant!

I hope you will not abandon the realm of parody forever. I would love to read a "Frodo hurt and comfort story" (involving lots of bathing, of course) or a Aragorn slash story done by you. :)

Absolutely wonderful. Yet another hilarious story from the Fanfic Lounge. Poor Legolas and what he has to go through, but again, he triumphs over one of the most grievous of fiction evils, the Mary Sue. I laughed out loud while reading this, honestly, especially the part where he kissed her and then let her fall to the ground. Brilliant. As usual.