|Reviews for Godzilla & King Kong: Book One|
| Nolan Ueno chapter 1 . 5/22
Keep up the good work.
| DeathGoblin chapter 1 . 2/18/2014
First, I would like to say that I like the story so far. You've done a good job building up to Kong's appearance and the battle with Godzilla went exactly as I think one should (everything seems like its working until Godzilla starts to fight back). I like the way you're trying to develop characters in this first act (I assume that's what book 1 represents), and though I'm not a kaiju expert I did catch a few of the references you made.
That being said, I do think there are ways it can be improved:
1) There were some typos so you ought just read it over one more time to catch them. Also, you used hydrography in the prologue when I think you meant hieroglyphics, and illusions when I think you were referring to the aleutian islands.
2) There are times when your description is spot on, but there are also times when I think you over describe. The most clear example are when you state a characters emotion. It is always better to use descriptions of body language (i.e. frowning, tears, clenching fists etc.) as clues to a character's emotions instead of saying they felt angry.
Another instance is when you're describing a character's backstory (Shepard comes to mind). Again, the "show don't tell" rule applies. Instead of saying that his wife and son died in a car crash, show pictures of the deceased and have him reference them in dialogue.
Another example is with Archer (when you mention what he knows about Lagos Island). Instead of telling it through narration, you could have Archer showing his knowledge (and simultaneously describe his fascination) in some way.
3) There are times when your paragraphs are too large and wordy. The main example is the final fight involving Kong. The general rule is that you change paragraphs when you change subjects. So if you describe what kong does, you change paragraphs only when you describe how the lizard reacts or how their battle is affecting the island or what the humans think of it.
Another related improvement would be to use smaller sentences and change paragraphs more often in faster paced scenes (like fight scenes). Shorter sentences and smaller paragraphs read faster and thus give them impression of a faster scene, while longer and more descriptive paragraphs are best used when you want people to stop and take things in (i.e. when a character looks out and observes the aftermath of a battle).
4) While I do appreciate the character development early on, some characters just feel unnecessary. Shepard's plot is mainly what I mean. The story around him is good in a vacuum, and if you centered a Godzilla story around his plot that would be fine. However in a story where there are other characters whose plots are more relevant to Godzilla and King Kong, his story feels like it doesn't belong. While the Kong and Godzilla plots are going to connect it seems like this plot is just there on the side.
I think Sarah Conley does appear often enough to feel relevant. However in her case I imagine she'll become more important as Minilla comes into the picture. Also, the scenes where Hagan goes to get the other scientists (while providing nice references) seem extraneous as well. It seems like any important information from them could have been incorporated into the scenes with Costa (who appears to be the main human character on the Godzilla end). Personally, I think you could have gotten away with just alternating between Costa and Archer since they seem to be the two main characters with some interludes such as the naval battle with Godzilla.
Again, I'd like to reiterate that I did like this story. Those were just things I think could make it better.
| Matkaizer08 chapter 1 . 3/11/2013
I'm guessing the red monster is Varan?
| godzillafan1 chapter 1 . 3/3/2013
i don't know about this story at first the plot sounded good but this story focused more on the human view rarely shown any monsters is this the end of book one? i asking because this was so long i thought this was the whole story i sure hope there will be more monster action in book two than in book one write it soon.