|Reviews for SONG OF THE FOURTEENTH|
| try10 chapter 9 . 12/4/2014
I loved this chapter. I want to know more about Kira's background! XD
| try10 chapter 8 . 12/4/2014
Awesome chapter. I wonder what happened to Kira.
| try10 chapter 7 . 12/4/2014
NICE! AN Akuma finally makes his appearance.
| try10 chapter 6 . 12/4/2014
I'm starting to love this story. Kira seems to be a very interesting girl and there are many mysteries. I want to read more. :D
| Mithya Aviana Cailin chapter 17 . 11/25/2014
Im liking this fic. update more soon please. :)
| averyenture chapter 21 . 11/9/2014
Aww, I'm kind of disappointed that this wasn't a real chapter, haha, but since you went to the trouble of making a whole announcement for it, I'll try my best to share my opinion and give you some critique.
So, the pacing. First of all, every writer has their own pace to which they write a story - some jump right into things, while others take their time getting settled into the story. And some readers may like stories like the former that waste no time getting down and dirty, and other readers will prefer the latter stories, and want to take time getting familiar with the characters and such. Basically, every reader has different tastes, and every writer has different techniques, so you shouldn't try to write at a pace that you're not used to. If you feel like you could be going at a faster pace, than you should try that, but don't try to write anything out of your comfort zone, you know? Personally, I'm pretty neutral with the story's pace so far. I mean, yeah, one hundred thousand words in and Kira's adventure is only just beginning, but it's been a really awesome exposition so far, even if it has taken quite a while. It's been really nice getting to know Kira and Chikita. Some readers, like me, may be thirsting for some action, but when all is said and done, you should only write what you think is best. I hope this helps a little!
And I've noticed some people commenting on Kira's character and her outgoing-ness. Yeah, it seems like a while since we've met her, but in reality all of the story has taken place in, what, three weeks? As a person with social anxiety and shyness, myself, I can tell you that it can take months to fully open up to people and break out of your shell. And considering how she's surrounded by all of these new strangers in this crazy, foreign environment, frankly I can't blame Kira for her timidness. I think that she did open up to Lavi and Allen and Link, but upon arriving to the Black Order, Kira was just...overwhelmed by everyone and retreated back into her shell again. I think that, given some more time, she'll be able to open up more once she's spent some time around the members of the Black Order, but for now, I think it's totally justified for her to be a little anti-social. Don't feel the need to rush her character development - while it's been twenty chapters for us, it's only been a few weeks for her, which is, in my opinion, too short a time to be expecting any significant changes in her.
Hm, maybe what you could do is a time skip? It's risky, but it would help to speed the story along quite a bit so that we can get to some plot progression. It wouldn't be long - only about a month or a few weeks or so..that way we wouldn't miss out on too much. Of course, it's all up to you, in the end. But, anyways, I am loving this story so far, I wish you the best of luck in your writing/editing, and I hope I was able to be of some help to you!
| averyenture chapter 15 . 11/8/2014
I can't help but sort of relate to Kira about her skin disease and being self-conscious about it, since I've had eczema, a skin disease, since I was born too, and it's been commented on all my life. I don't think I've ever seen any kind of character have a skin disease before, OC or otherwise, so I think it's really cool you integrated it into her character. Usually people tend to veer from otherwise "unsavory" character flaws like that, like acne, physical disabilities, obesity/overweight-ness, etc. I don't know, haha, Kira is just a very refreshing character, is all. I'm really getting quite fond of her.
| averyenture chapter 13 . 11/8/2014
That was an awesome first arc. It took a while, but I think that's a good thing - it's far too often in OC stories that the OC gets thrown into the action almost right away. You're doing a really good job with setting the pace and getting Kira properly settled into the Black Order. Only eight chapters left to read now, which makes me a bit sad, but I can't wait to see what awaits our motley crew.
| averyenture chapter 11 . 11/8/2014
Ohhh my goshhh I am loving this story so far, and I still have ten chapters to go! To be honest, I've only watched a little of Man, but for some reason I really like reading OC fanfictions on series I'm not overly familiar with, it makes it more interesting. I'm loving Kira so far, she's a great character, realistic, and really adorable - it's hard to believe she's only fourteen, that's so young! Considering her age, she's handling the situation incredibly well. You go, Kira. I am totally on-board with her romance with Allen, and I eagerly await to see fluff in the future, even if it might take a while for their relationship to grow. Your writing is very, very good, funny, and your battle scenes are oh my god so awesome. I can't wait to read more, as well as leave more reviews in future chapters.
| MVD chapter 21 . 11/1/2014
All right. First up, I think you did a very fine job keeping all of the DGM characters true to themselves (sometimes I even feel that the scenes you write can be placed right into the manga!). I also appreciate Kira's character, and you do a good job of allowing the reader to listen in on her thoughts. The footnotes, that you so graciously include, are appreciated (since it's nice to know where you're pulling stuff from), but please don't stress too much about them- they aren't the main focus, the chapters are (the lenght for them is just fine, by the way)!
Overall I really enjoy your fanfic, but there are just a few suggestions I have regarding some small things.
When you refer to the characters you seem to use call them things that don't really pertain to their current situation (eg. "The Destroyer of Time" or "the redhead"), which is a great way to vary your word choice and bring attention to the character's qualities, but it can distract the reader from the story. Like, if Lavi is in a conversation there isn't a real need to refer to him as "the redhead"(it's ok just to sat he, she, or them), but if they were trying to find him in a crowd
then it would be appropriate. The word "said" can also be used more often. That sounds strange since it is a common word, but that's why it's great. It is effective and unobtrusive, unlike the words "declare" or "exclaimed", that can outshine the actual story.
So, that's my two cents worth of suggestions... But you're the author do what feels right to you! Keep up the good work!
| TOtalBLondeCHick010 chapter 21 . 10/29/2014
I really love the story so far! I can't wait til you post more chapters! The little footnotes are great too. Especially since I'm new to the DGM world/story/characters and it really helps me follow the story better.
| Sabet163 chapter 21 . 10/23/2014
I am SO SO sorry for not reviewing these last couple weeks (or months?)! I'm a high school student, and so I was just beginning school when I think I saw the notifications for your added chapters. But since I had some free time I came back to read the chapters I missed (I think about ten *smiles sheepishly*), and I absolutely am enamored with this fanfiction. I am eagerly awaiting more.
I am not a very good critic, as in, as long as I can enjoy the story I usually do not have anything bad to say. Since this happens to be the case with yours, the only thing I can do is express how wonderful it is and how much I enjoy and wish I had a talent such as yours. You are an amazing author, and I can respect how much effort, time, thought, and so on you put into this story. I really love the character interactions and Kira and Chikita's own story. So, in conclusion: I think you are doing great. The only thing I can say is that perhaps the last few chapters have been a bit stagnant, but I hardly notice it if it is there due to being so distracted by the fun involved.
I know you will continue so I simply offer an encouraging response and shall wait, anticipating your return. Take your time to figure things out, and thank you for even caring in the first place. You are a very considerate and respectable author. That is all :)
| blondie-moyashi chapter 18 . 10/17/2014
/screeching and laughing and clutching my sides I don't even know
I saw that you said this chap would be more silly but holy cats, this is just ;askjfd;. Definitely needed it :'D /finally working on Til It All Falls Down woohoo but it's a bit heavier than this so a little "AH CHIKITA NO" is perfect relief
I'll try to catch up soon because I sooo love your writings and don't get a chance to read often enough ;;;;
| Guest chapter 21 . 10/6/2014
I find it confusing with Chikita.I don't want Chikita to be left over but I don't understand if KIra can have her or why can chikita act like she isn't an because she is really smart
| Fuyu Tsukuyane chapter 21 . 10/3/2014
1. I like how you seem to put all canon characters in their character, they don't feel ooc and your oc blends well into the crazy dynamic from what was shown.
2. I don't quite understand how Chiquita functions well with no actual user. And if she caused kira pain before when activating, why didn't Kira notice before?
3. I personally like longer chapters as it means more to read and more time for you to write quality chapters.
:0 hope to read more from you and hope to see more fluff from Kira and Allen they're cute