|Reviews for SONG OF THE FOURTEENTH|
| try10 chapter 17 . 12/5/2014
Kanda and chikita! HEhehe...bad kitty. :D
| try10 chapter 16 . 12/5/2014
| try10 chapter 13 . 12/4/2014
The Adventure begins at last!
| try10 chapter 11 . 12/4/2014
finally, the story is getting somewhere. 11 chapters just too find out more about kira was too much.
| try10 chapter 10 . 12/4/2014
hehehehehe chikita is so bad.
| try10 chapter 9 . 12/4/2014
I loved this chapter. I want to know more about Kira's background! XD
| try10 chapter 8 . 12/4/2014
Awesome chapter. I wonder what happened to Kira.
| try10 chapter 7 . 12/4/2014
NICE! AN Akuma finally makes his appearance.
| try10 chapter 6 . 12/4/2014
I'm starting to love this story. Kira seems to be a very interesting girl and there are many mysteries. I want to read more. :D
| Mithya Aviana Cailin chapter 17 . 11/25/2014
Im liking this fic. update more soon please. :)
| averyenture chapter 21 . 11/9/2014
Aww, I'm kind of disappointed that this wasn't a real chapter, haha, but since you went to the trouble of making a whole announcement for it, I'll try my best to share my opinion and give you some critique.
So, the pacing. First of all, every writer has their own pace to which they write a story - some jump right into things, while others take their time getting settled into the story. And some readers may like stories like the former that waste no time getting down and dirty, and other readers will prefer the latter stories, and want to take time getting familiar with the characters and such. Basically, every reader has different tastes, and every writer has different techniques, so you shouldn't try to write at a pace that you're not used to. If you feel like you could be going at a faster pace, than you should try that, but don't try to write anything out of your comfort zone, you know? Personally, I'm pretty neutral with the story's pace so far. I mean, yeah, one hundred thousand words in and Kira's adventure is only just beginning, but it's been a really awesome exposition so far, even if it has taken quite a while. It's been really nice getting to know Kira and Chikita. Some readers, like me, may be thirsting for some action, but when all is said and done, you should only write what you think is best. I hope this helps a little!
And I've noticed some people commenting on Kira's character and her outgoing-ness. Yeah, it seems like a while since we've met her, but in reality all of the story has taken place in, what, three weeks? As a person with social anxiety and shyness, myself, I can tell you that it can take months to fully open up to people and break out of your shell. And considering how she's surrounded by all of these new strangers in this crazy, foreign environment, frankly I can't blame Kira for her timidness. I think that she did open up to Lavi and Allen and Link, but upon arriving to the Black Order, Kira was just...overwhelmed by everyone and retreated back into her shell again. I think that, given some more time, she'll be able to open up more once she's spent some time around the members of the Black Order, but for now, I think it's totally justified for her to be a little anti-social. Don't feel the need to rush her character development - while it's been twenty chapters for us, it's only been a few weeks for her, which is, in my opinion, too short a time to be expecting any significant changes in her.
Hm, maybe what you could do is a time skip? It's risky, but it would help to speed the story along quite a bit so that we can get to some plot progression. It wouldn't be long - only about a month or a few weeks or so..that way we wouldn't miss out on too much. Of course, it's all up to you, in the end. But, anyways, I am loving this story so far, I wish you the best of luck in your writing/editing, and I hope I was able to be of some help to you!
| averyenture chapter 15 . 11/8/2014
I can't help but sort of relate to Kira about her skin disease and being self-conscious about it, since I've had eczema, a skin disease, since I was born too, and it's been commented on all my life. I don't think I've ever seen any kind of character have a skin disease before, OC or otherwise, so I think it's really cool you integrated it into her character. Usually people tend to veer from otherwise "unsavory" character flaws like that, like acne, physical disabilities, obesity/overweight-ness, etc. I don't know, haha, Kira is just a very refreshing character, is all. I'm really getting quite fond of her.
| averyenture chapter 13 . 11/8/2014
That was an awesome first arc. It took a while, but I think that's a good thing - it's far too often in OC stories that the OC gets thrown into the action almost right away. You're doing a really good job with setting the pace and getting Kira properly settled into the Black Order. Only eight chapters left to read now, which makes me a bit sad, but I can't wait to see what awaits our motley crew.
| averyenture chapter 11 . 11/8/2014
Ohhh my goshhh I am loving this story so far, and I still have ten chapters to go! To be honest, I've only watched a little of Man, but for some reason I really like reading OC fanfictions on series I'm not overly familiar with, it makes it more interesting. I'm loving Kira so far, she's a great character, realistic, and really adorable - it's hard to believe she's only fourteen, that's so young! Considering her age, she's handling the situation incredibly well. You go, Kira. I am totally on-board with her romance with Allen, and I eagerly await to see fluff in the future, even if it might take a while for their relationship to grow. Your writing is very, very good, funny, and your battle scenes are oh my god so awesome. I can't wait to read more, as well as leave more reviews in future chapters.
| MVD chapter 21 . 11/1/2014
All right. First up, I think you did a very fine job keeping all of the DGM characters true to themselves (sometimes I even feel that the scenes you write can be placed right into the manga!). I also appreciate Kira's character, and you do a good job of allowing the reader to listen in on her thoughts. The footnotes, that you so graciously include, are appreciated (since it's nice to know where you're pulling stuff from), but please don't stress too much about them- they aren't the main focus, the chapters are (the lenght for them is just fine, by the way)!
Overall I really enjoy your fanfic, but there are just a few suggestions I have regarding some small things.
When you refer to the characters you seem to use call them things that don't really pertain to their current situation (eg. "The Destroyer of Time" or "the redhead"), which is a great way to vary your word choice and bring attention to the character's qualities, but it can distract the reader from the story. Like, if Lavi is in a conversation there isn't a real need to refer to him as "the redhead"(it's ok just to sat he, she, or them), but if they were trying to find him in a crowd
then it would be appropriate. The word "said" can also be used more often. That sounds strange since it is a common word, but that's why it's great. It is effective and unobtrusive, unlike the words "declare" or "exclaimed", that can outshine the actual story.
So, that's my two cents worth of suggestions... But you're the author do what feels right to you! Keep up the good work!