try10 chapter 20 . 12/5/2014
Only one chapter left to read. I'm so sad.
try10 chapter 19 . 12/5/2014
WOW! Her black skin is innocence! Awesome!
try10 chapter 17 . 12/5/2014
Kanda and chikita! HEhehe...bad kitty. :D
try10 chapter 16 . 12/5/2014
Nice Chap!
try10 chapter 13 . 12/4/2014
The Adventure begins at last!
try10 chapter 11 . 12/4/2014
finally, the story is getting somewhere. 11 chapters just too find out more about kira was too much.
try10 chapter 10 . 12/4/2014
hehehehehe chikita is so bad.
try10 chapter 9 . 12/4/2014
I loved this chapter. I want to know more about Kira's background! XD
try10 chapter 8 . 12/4/2014
Awesome chapter. I wonder what happened to Kira.
try10 chapter 7 . 12/4/2014
NICE! AN Akuma finally makes his appearance.
try10 chapter 6 . 12/4/2014
I'm starting to love this story. Kira seems to be a very interesting girl and there are many mysteries. I want to read more. :D
Mithya Aviana Cailin chapter 17 . 11/25/2014
Im liking this fic. update more soon please. :)
averyenture chapter 21 . 11/9/2014
Aww, I'm kind of disappointed that this wasn't a real chapter, haha, but since you went to the trouble of making a whole announcement for it, I'll try my best to share my opinion and give you some critique.

So, the pacing. First of all, every writer has their own pace to which they write a story - some jump right into things, while others take their time getting settled into the story. And some readers may like stories like the former that waste no time getting down and dirty, and other readers will prefer the latter stories, and want to take time getting familiar with the characters and such. Basically, every reader has different tastes, and every writer has different techniques, so you shouldn't try to write at a pace that you're not used to. If you feel like you could be going at a faster pace, than you should try that, but don't try to write anything out of your comfort zone, you know? Personally, I'm pretty neutral with the story's pace so far. I mean, yeah, one hundred thousand words in and Kira's adventure is only just beginning, but it's been a really awesome exposition so far, even if it has taken quite a while. It's been really nice getting to know Kira and Chikita. Some readers, like me, may be thirsting for some action, but when all is said and done, you should only write what you think is best. I hope this helps a little!

And I've noticed some people commenting on Kira's character and her outgoing-ness. Yeah, it seems like a while since we've met her, but in reality all of the story has taken place in, what, three weeks? As a person with social anxiety and shyness, myself, I can tell you that it can take months to fully open up to people and break out of your shell. And considering how she's surrounded by all of these new strangers in this crazy, foreign environment, frankly I can't blame Kira for her timidness. I think that she did open up to Lavi and Allen and Link, but upon arriving to the Black Order, Kira was just...overwhelmed by everyone and retreated back into her shell again. I think that, given some more time, she'll be able to open up more once she's spent some time around the members of the Black Order, but for now, I think it's totally justified for her to be a little anti-social. Don't feel the need to rush her character development - while it's been twenty chapters for us, it's only been a few weeks for her, which is, in my opinion, too short a time to be expecting any significant changes in her.

Hm, maybe what you could do is a time skip? It's risky, but it would help to speed the story along quite a bit so that we can get to some plot progression. It wouldn't be long - only about a month or a few weeks or so..that way we wouldn't miss out on too much. Of course, it's all up to you, in the end. But, anyways, I am loving this story so far, I wish you the best of luck in your writing/editing, and I hope I was able to be of some help to you!
averyenture chapter 15 . 11/8/2014
I can't help but sort of relate to Kira about her skin disease and being self-conscious about it, since I've had eczema, a skin disease, since I was born too, and it's been commented on all my life. I don't think I've ever seen any kind of character have a skin disease before, OC or otherwise, so I think it's really cool you integrated it into her character. Usually people tend to veer from otherwise "unsavory" character flaws like that, like acne, physical disabilities, obesity/overweight-ness, etc. I don't know, haha, Kira is just a very refreshing character, is all. I'm really getting quite fond of her.
averyenture chapter 13 . 11/8/2014
That was an awesome first arc. It took a while, but I think that's a good thing - it's far too often in OC stories that the OC gets thrown into the action almost right away. You're doing a really good job with setting the pace and getting Kira properly settled into the Black Order. Only eight chapters left to read now, which makes me a bit sad, but I can't wait to see what awaits our motley crew.
247 | « Prev Page 1 .. 2 3 4 5 6 13 .. Last Next »