|Reviews for SONG OF THE FOURTEENTH|
| Buruburuburu chapter 19 . 9/19/2014
I'm really interested in that prophecy Hevlaska was thinking. I'd probably think it's related to the main plot, and it has something to do with the title. With that, I think that it's related to Allen in some way? Can't really think up much because it's pretty early in the morning.
As an old reader (that completely forgot the old plot because I'm just like that) I really couldn't wait for the revelation that Kira has her innocence. Can't get a good grasp on its old name though.
Sorry if this is kind of sadist of me, but I really like the way you potray pain in both a subjective (the feeling of the receiver) and objective (how the pain effects the receiver) way. It makes you get in the story in larger scale, especially because DGM is full of fighting that makes you lose yourself in the panels. Which was another thing I forgot to mention in my previous anonymous reviews, you're really good at adapting to DGM's atsmosphere (though right now it's in the eyes of a new recruit).
I really look forward on how everyone would react to the fact Kira has an innocence. And guessing from the narration we've been getting, I can tell Chikita isn't as much of a newcomer as Kira is. Somehow I can see that cat having some sort of unique relationship with Kanda.
Well, that's all from me now. My mind's too tired to find flaws yet. But I'll be sure to tell you if it bothers my mind. Thanks for updating! Please take care!
| Guest chapter 19 . 9/18/2014
I want moar! This is one of the best fics on this entire website. Keep writing! You're awesome
| I've got Rhythm in my Soul chapter 19 . 9/18/2014
Oh fab, you updated at speed! Yay (happy happy joy)! So... It's nice hearing from grumpy puss again, and by puss I mean grampa not the Chikita. Another plus is that you're giving us a bit more info than last time and yet you're also clouding it in so much mystery it's too dense a fog to travel through. Awesomeness. Layers of mystery rock.
The description of Kira traveling down the chasm to meet our old buddy Hev was nicely done. Most people just can't be arsed with it but you gave it an atmosphere. You made it a little creepy and let's be honest, it really is. Like an announcement that one an apostle your life is no longer yours: it belongs to something much greater. Put up with it. Her reaction was funny-bunny though: 'oh lord what did I ever do to you?' I can imagine her standing there, knees knocking together with a look of sheer 'please don't eat me I'm innocent' (no pun intended) screaming across her face. Ahhhh... drama.
It was telling how Hev made the distinction between cat, pet, innocence and friend.
Ohhhhhhhh- coolio scene! I know she doesn't really have two innocence's but that's kind of how it feels and it's awesome. And trust me, no Mary Sue in sight. Mary Sue's are Mary Sue's for the sake of being a Mary Sue. You're character has a place and an intention. Ergo, NOT A MARY SUE. Just in case someone decides to open their big fat gobs.
Interesting to read Hev pov and how she knew Chikita from a previous apostle, obviously. Curious too that though Kira was already chosen, Chikita went ahead and chose her anyway! Because why not, huh? It fits in with Chikita's 'what I want I get personality'. I know the scene was a serious one but the image of Chikita sitting there and thinking 'your point?', 'problemo?', 'and you'll do what about it, pray tell'? made me giggle. And erm... was she and Kira's innocence having a little pissing contest inside of Kira? An oath to keep? God that's going to keep me wondering FOREVER. You're so good at suspense! I think the fact that her innocence is her so called skin disease is quite beautiful in its poetry/irony.
...bring peace to the one who cannot return?
You... big... fat... RIDDLER! Awesome yet mind boggling. It's different to the older version too, something about Kira finishing the song? Oh, I wonder if that's still in effect or if you've changed it? It's making me wonder, there aren't many who can fit the role of the one who cannot return. And does it have anything to do with Allen? Because that's always fun. I like the idea of them being tied in some way, no matter how large or small. Regardless, this was a brillo-pads chapter. Can't wait to see what happens next.
P.S the chikita and kira relationship reminds me, oddly enough, of the Hiccup and Toothless relationship in how to train your dragon. Why? Because I'm a fairy that rarely sees things the way she should. Just thought I'd put that out there.
| AmericanNidiot chapter 19 . 9/17/2014
Awe, I was hoping she'd bully both Kanda and Lavi for Allen's sake, seeing as those two share a nice little bond (watch Allen teach Chikita how to play poker, so it's him vs. Tim vs. Chikita XD).
This chapter is full of confusion, which seems intentional seeing as most things in DGM are confusing.
| Sock my Rock chapter 19 . 9/17/2014
Nah I don't think that you are taking their relationship slow, on the contrary I find the way you're approaching their relationship more believable. Besides in my opinion it beats most fanfics that jump head first in ships without stopping to think about how actually relationships work. The way you've made and structured your story I personally feel the story would suffer from a rushed romance.
There also isn't anything wrong without being familiar with ship writing. Everyone has different things they are comfortable writing. After all I've only ever really written for ships now that I honestly think about. Anyway my point is that I feel as if you shouldn't be rushed or pressured into writing their ship. Just write the story and let their relationship happen naturally and the fluff will soon follow ;)
Nice chapter by the way, getting to see how Kira reacted to Hev and the Grand Generals was a nice tip off showing how much she still has to grow. To the thing that Hev said at the end of the chapter I'm pretty sure that it has something to do with the Fourteenth, after all the title of your story is Song of the Fourteenth. Of course I could be wrong though, you might have a curve ball ready and waiting. Best of luck with the next chapter, and I hope to read it soon!
| Snowlily246 chapter 19 . 9/17/2014
Hmm . . . So basically Chikita is kind of a third wheel? I mean her Bond with Kira isn't normal? Why didn't Chikita sense the Innocence inside her human?
| graveMonera chapter 19 . 9/17/2014
Oh no! How is Chikita's partnership going to work this time if the other innocence seems to be dominant? I was an avid reader of the original sotf and I really like the new bits of the story that are from Chikita's point of view. Plus that Chikita is getting a bit more of the spotlight too. Super excited to keep reading :)
| AmyNChan chapter 19 . 9/17/2014
Wait a minute, if Chikita was upset that she didn't get to synch with Kira, then that means there's a semblance of a choice involved somewhere. That would mean that Chikita is probably innocence herself. Is it a far-flung theory to presume that Chikita has something to do with the heart of Innocence? Not /the/ heart, of course, but as Hev's seen her before, there's gotta be something to it, right?
| BakaUsagi49 chapter 19 . 9/17/2014
Lol. You're welcome Chiisy. I can completely pictures it. I can also see her stealing Kanda's hair to anger him more XD I love when Chikita steals Lavi's headband
| Alaina Kuski chapter 19 . 9/17/2014
| BakaUsagi49 chapter 18 . 9/17/2014
I loved this chapter Chi! I agree with about Lenalee's clipboard. You gotta love that chapter :D Chikita ate Komui's beret. Simple as that.
| Sock my Rock chapter 18 . 9/13/2014
Just found out about this story and I have to say that I am very much enjoying it. The way you've written this story is great, as I really like how you've given the chance for Kira to develop as a character. A lot of times I read stories like this and there rarely is much development for the OC character. Usually they're just shoe horned in and the author expects the reader to give a crap about a character we know little about. Unlike your story which gives the reader the time to get used to your character and even like them!
You've given the readers more than plenty of time to get acquainted with Kira and actually give her good characterization. I also really like the fact that you aren't rushing with the Allen Kira ship. Lots of times I see stories like this with both rushed and forced romances that completely are unrealistic and ruin my suspension of disbelief.
Lastly your way with words aside from the occasional grammatical mistake, which happens to the best of us, flows increadibly well with your story. Not once have I had to stop reading to reread a part again because the words didn't come out well. Overall I have to say that this is probably one the better OC stories I've read on this website. I wish you the best of luck in your writing endeavours and I hope I get to read more of this story soon!
| greatgirl22302 chapter 18 . 9/13/2014
I look forward to the next chapter! I think I read part of the original and dropped it because, well, life happened. Regardless, I'm glad to be reading it now! I actually (under a different username) watch you on Deviantart and just hadn't gotten around to reading the updated version yet.
| I've got Rhythm in my Soul chapter 18 . 9/12/2014
Heck yes! Two chappies all for me me me me me! And some for er, other people who er... ah whatever!
So happy I was able to send the old version in one piece! And yes, loving the contrast between this your previous incarnation of sotf! Much much better.
Chikita pov eh? The cat is kind of like a bizarre mix between cantankerous old man, preening teenage girl and mischievous pirate. And god YES... Kanda. How awesome is Kanda? So awesome, yes he is. And such the perfect choice for Chikita to annoy unto the ends of the earth mwahahaha... Can you tell I feel good today?
Aw, poor Kira. You know it is easy to forget that she's had well, not the most brilliant of childhoods. There might even be a complex there or some sort of neurosis but I think Lena-lady handled it well. It'll be like a transition for her right? From avoided to wanted. Being hit with a tonne of bricks might have been easier a task.
And JOHNNY! YOU INCLUDED MY HERO! Ahhhhh... I can go sleep sleep now. Johnny... hmmm...
Oh... have more to review erm...
Yes so Komui... you got him SPOT. ON. How dare you? Heh, I kid, I kid. He's so brillo-pads I'm helpless against a komui assault. He's such a doofus. I mean, trying to drill Chikita, psh, right! Good luck with that! But it was a nice flash into his personality to find that he only did it to witness the relationship between Chikita and Kira.
Kira I give you permission to slap Lavi. He deserves it the prat. she's doing well though after meeting the science department guys. Keep up the courage, you'll only have to do so for, well... ever? But you're doing so great... she should crochet that on her pillow or something. You're doing great. Keep walking.
I wonder if the Noah family will pop up in this fic at all. And is it just me or do you feel a little Latino cross British royalty vibe from them? Or am I driveling on?
| AmericanNidiot chapter 17 . 9/11/2014
I don't mind you replying to reviews in chapters. You're replies to everyone are fun to read! Yes… the app is addictive! Though it's being a butt seeing as I don't have the "next gen" iPod 눈ㅅ눈 which sucks, but oh well… and I'm glad to be of help! :)