|Reviews for SONG OF THE FOURTEENTH|
| I've got Rhythm in my Soul chapter 4 . 3/25/2013
First thing's first! I read your previous version of SOTF and was kind of, well, shell shocked when I couldn't find it anywhere on fan-site. Then you started the rewrite. God Bless You! I have honestly been unable to find one decent OC for D-gray man... NEVER! EVER! SERIOUSLY! It's a crime. And such a waste!
I love your Kira character. In the presvious version she didn't step on any toes: basically her personality wasn't overly strong but wasn't weak either, she wasn't an oc and she was incredably interesting. I am a big fan of the backstory you had before. I wonder if you've changed it at all? You managed to capture the whole haunting past stuff where truths are buried in memories that are buried in dreams and stories and lullibies. As you can probably tell I also love the manga.
One of the first things that caught my eye about your story was the unique quality of your main character. The innocence on her skin that she thought was a skin disease. They fact that she has innocence she's always carried like Allen and that she also has two. Just, you know, little things like that. Your creation is genuinely brillo-pads so don't fear! You rock, tis fact.
One thing I adored about the previous version was how much she and Allen conversed and how he seemed to be genuinely at ease in her company. If there is one thing I could request? Don't change this. Keep the attachment well and truely in the the core of the story. It's good stuff... BUT YOU REALLY DON'T HAVE TO LISTEN OR FOLLOW A WORD OF WHAT I SAY, OKAY! ALRIGHT! ...I'm just... a more enthusiastic reviewer than I thought I was. Ahem, cough, well...
So far I'd have to say that this is definately a better version of SOTF. More detail which is always a good thing. And Lavi pov, who rocks. You know I have to say I actually like Link's character too.
Back to Kira! Her innocence (both of them) are so well thought of. I can imagine seeing her skin turing black and becoming some kind of super physical exorcist. Then there's the weapons she has! Awesomeness. Though I have to admit that rocking awesome blast thingy that comes from her hands reminds me of the exact opposite of the Earl's dark force blast... could be a coincidence I suppose... or not? Just thought I'd play devils advocate there... Her innocence is special isn't it?
Oh and Allen. I would love to see him kick more ass. The guy is badass in the manga after the whole Order Destruction Art thing. He fleshed out too. No wonder she was staring at his chest. Cannot wait to see what their whole connection thing is by the way. Sounds fascinating and deep... and with substance. It isn't just those annoying whimsical things you see on fanfics where air-headed oc's go 'oh, he's so, like, like, totally hot, and, like, yeah... totally' like that.
Just so you know... your story is better than Living Animation. I know. I've read it. Believe me. I'm not saying it's bad or anything, just that yours is... better. Yeah. Better. Adios!
| Sabet163 chapter 4 . 3/24/2013
What a wonderful story you have here! And such good quality! It's so hard to find a story on Fanfiction these days that has a good plot, and has a talented writer such as yourself. I can't wait to read more of this, each chapter has me wanting more. Great job, and keep up the good work. :)
| 1storywriter chapter 4 . 3/23/2013
Love this chapter. I'm DYING TO SEE ALLEN! Btw, those numbers at the bottom r really helpful, I always read them. Update soon!
| B3GIN chapter 4 . 3/23/2013
AH! I remember this cliffhanger! Except back when I first read the story you already had the next chapter out and I could quickly click to the next chapter! Ah! This is what the original readers felt. Nooo...
Cruuuuelll... (But really good.)
Lol I do find the reference information helpful to read. (Lavi's frickin eyepatch. l:( I've given up on guessing about it. All I believe anymore is that he's still got a right eye. And that it has to remain a secret because it has to do with his Bookman apprentice status) And the bloopers... Oh gawd. This one cracked me up. That song's so catchy! But then to place it in a 19th century setting... and to imagine Allen/Nea stealing Kira's Grampy's style! LOL Kira's reaction would've been warranted. XD
| B3GIN chapter 3 . 3/23/2013
I LOVED reading your part from Lavi's perspective. And I laughed out loud when he started teasing Link. Ahahahaha that was too good. On a side note, it looks like you've worked really hard on this rewrite. That tidbit about the cornfields was interesting. o.o I hadn't known that. *American mistake time D':* Lavi's Innocence's name was new to me as well.
This was such a pleasure to read. XD Chikita's part was adorably awesome. (hahahaha that video) And THANK YOU for explaining about Chikita's name. I swear every time I write it I have to resist putting Chiquita. I'd convinced myself it was just an extremely well fitting coincidence. XDDD
| B3GIN chapter 2 . 3/23/2013
Good job! It's really nice being able to come back and reread the story and to read the extra tidbits! I had almost forgotten how guarded Kira was before (insert growth she went through over previous 60 chapters that would be serious spoilers to new people). :D This is so nostalgic. Lol. Brings back memories of how happy I was when I first found your story and got hooked. XD
Again, these aren't major errors, but just in case you're interested I'll point out two itsy bitsy mistakes in this chapter:
Before Kira goes into cool-exorcist-medical-saving-mode, I think a word got omitted-“Taking the medical kit with one hand and giving [a] thankful nod to her grandfather…”
And in this version Link didn’t refer to Allen as having white hair. Upon Allen's introduction, Link said, “…Lavi, the boy with the red hair, is unconscious and... and seems to have lost feeling in his left... arm. The other, Wal- er- Allen, is in critical condition - though from what injuries, I am not certain." So later on when we read “…She would have never noticed his hair color if Link hadn't mentioned it, as it was coated with mud, grime, and blood” it gets a bit confusing. Because Link didn’t mention it.
These errors aren't that big a deal and they don't inhibit the story; I just wanted to let you know they are there. T.T Again, great job! I look up to you for rewriting this story.
| SakuraTenshi36092 chapter 4 . 3/22/2013
Sorry I haven't been reviewing every chapter, but I don't have a lot of time during the week to read, so I tend to read and run.
Dun dun DUN! Allen has finally woken up! I know I'm looking forward to his and Kira's rewritten meeting next chapter.
Okay, here comes the waffle-ness. I'm liking how we're seeing more of what Kira's noticing about her guests and what she's aware of (how Allen is getting thinner more quickly than normal and her spotting the out of place tuft of hair from across the room). Also, I thought it was a good point for Kira to develop as a character later on when you mentioned how she dwelled upon a teasing remark made by Lavi. This kind of habit was probably brought about by her being subject to bullying and discrimination for a lot of her life (which is what I hope you were trying to insinuate). I think it made her more realistic to me because she's still being effected by these past events, and her fear of these events occurring again, and that you're not just abandoning this important aspect of her life.
As a small suggestion, her positive attitude ('think happy thoughts') amd determination for her past not to affect her current life would've been a huge motivator when she faced a major change in her lifestyle, (POSSIBLE SPOILER FOR FIRST-TIME READERS) namely her leaving her home and moving to work for the Black Order, so you might want to mention this in future chapters.
I think I might've seen an 'affectively' instead of an 'effectively' somewhere in the second half of the chapter, but I may have imagined it .'
| AuthorChick96 chapter 4 . 3/22/2013
I really enjoy reading your story! Everytime I get the update for it, it makes me so happy! I'm looking forward to the rest!
| LadyMimi101 chapter 4 . 3/22/2013
Hi! Mimi here again. I love this! I did read the old version and I didn't think it was that bad. I wish you had sontinued it or something. Oh well. But what's done is done. I don't mind the brackets. I just have to go back to see what it is you're explaining. By the way, I loved the blooper. I was actually listening to Thrift Shop because my sister insisted I put it on. O.O creepy. And Allen is now awake! It was so cute how Kira was acting around Allen. Then he suddenly screams as he wakes up. Did he scream because he saw her and was shocked? Or just he woke up from a nightmare? I'm pretty sure its the latter but still... Keep adding Chikita and Lavi moments! And update soon!- Mimi XD
| Kaite1211 chapter 4 . 3/22/2013
Lol! Chikita is quite an entertaining character (_)! I actually remember a time where one of my cats had actually been curled up on my face (I was sleeping too, so I didn't notice), and when I rolled over, I ended up hitting the wall which was next to the bed. The poor kitty ended up getting startled and leapt off of the bed... (_)v
I really like the character development in this FanFiction, and reading this version has made me wonder what the original version was like... Is there any place where I can read the original?
Thank you for updating! By the way, if your interested in reading some Fanfiction, I have written a couple DGM stories myself ;)
| KhaalidaNyx chapter 4 . 3/22/2013
Haha lol Poor Lavi. Evil, evil kitty. I wish my cat was like that. All he does is sit there and boss the other animals around.
It's amazing! Thanks for the update!
| Illuminati-4 chapter 4 . 3/22/2013
I definitely appreciate all the research you have put into this to make it more accurate and the omakes are fun to read :)
I love how you do Lavi! I'm so glad you kept his relationship with Chikita the same. That was one of my favorite things about the story. I'm excited to see more of Allen :)
| 1storywriter chapter 3 . 3/17/2013
I really liked your old story, but this one is still good. Hopefully you'll still keep when Allen and Kira get stuck underground. I really liked that part. Also, I hope you'll feel very improved with your writing because I can see the difference. Loads of information! UPDATE SOON!
| Kaite1211 chapter 3 . 3/16/2013
This fanfiction is really well written, and the descriptions keep me hooked! I cannot wait until the next chapter is up!
| Tezzifrea chapter 3 . 3/15/2013
OMG I just realized all the typos I made right after I posted the review... -.- probably cuz it's 12:40 am right now so yea... I'm gonna get some sleep now heh heh heh