|Reviews for SONG OF THE FOURTEENTH|
| PorfontoPorifin chapter 14 . 5/16/2014
Hey! I really love this fanfiction, it's been with me ever since I was starting to get a hang of this site and doing a marathon of the old 60-chapter installment really made me feel the ups and downs of the whole story in one go, kinda like how'd you feel when you speed marathon through the DGM manga. (Kanda's arc was basically tripping for me...)
From my recollections of it, I really liked that one arc where it was Kira's first mission since I really felt the tension of it. (wait spoilers are alright, right?) I can't wait to read it again in this version and the changes of it!
One thing I really like about your writing style is that your pace is slow and steady but not... too slow and postponing, something that improved from the original one. I really don't mind reading an arc that's about 20 chapters if it is well-written and not tedious.
Since I've forgotten most of the things about DGM because of it's less frequent updates, this fic helps me remember a lot and maybe I'll be back to this fandom because of it! (If so, I will deeply thank you and I'm sure that one way or another I'm gonna make an OC of this fandom because it's tempting.)
The characters point of views are divided equally but still has Kira as the main point of view, I can't wait to see what kind of new things that will happen to her in this version and how her character develops into. (Yeah, I kinda forgot the story a bit...) I also can't wait to see how the supporting characters that are briefly mentioned in the first arc are going to effect the upcoming chapters...! Especially since the end of this chapter was very intriguing.
Oh, and the fact that you did detailed research for this fic... I just want to applaud you. I can understand why a chapter wouldn't be updated for a long time with the amount of research you do. Gosh, maybe I should call you research-senpai.
The omakes are funny though at first I had a hard time distinguishing whether if it actually happened in the story or if it was just bloopers. (Woah imagine if this was just a movie.)
About your question in the end of this chapter, I'm up for anyone as long as it's natural actually. Though supporting characters would be great!
Well I've gone overboard with this review by it being too long even though I already said a few things on dA and probably just repeating myself. Anyways, have a great life and safe writings you wonderful person! Thank you for writing this fic
| GreyRoseOfHope chapter 13 . 4/27/2014
KANDA. THE CAT STEALS SOMETHING OF KANDA'S! XD
. . .Orrrrr the cat takes down one of Komoui's latest robot menaces. XD
. . .The cat vs. The Door. WHO WILL WIN?!
| NightlyRowenTree chapter 14 . 4/12/2014
Awesome I loved it
| pink9571 chapter 14 . 4/6/2014
Nice chapter! :)
| pink9571 chapter 13 . 4/6/2014
This was awesome! Totally worth the wait :) and love the grandfather :D
| papyrus-tree chapter 13 . 4/5/2014
what a beautiful way to round off the arc sobs
you srsly tore my heart out with that part about leaving grampy ;-;
OVERALL i think the story so far has been really well paced! The places you left off kept me wanting to come back for more : )
all the characters were so IN character like holy beans are you like hoshino herself or something
also to anSWER UR QUESTION
I WANNA SEE HER MEET JOHNNY
| I've got Rhythm in my Soul chapter 14 . 4/2/2014
i don't think you need to worry about the last chapter: it was awesome. Though I almost choked when she finally left her grandpa to work for the order. Twas sad! Twas glad! And, hey, it was a great way to end an arc so no worries. That bloody box though, it's secrets elude me! I must find out what it is (if work be willing). I've gotta say you have a great way of evoking mystery for your readers and I'm loving each and every minute of it. Evermore this story reminds me of the theme song from Edward Sissorhands, it's brillo-pads and awesome-sauce and you make me want to know what's going to happen next.
The extra detail going into construction for this chapter was very welcome and you managed to incorporate that elusive order's creepiness into the pot too. I mean they're nice people and all but the order, at the same time as being a group of heroes are also filled with stereotypical assholes and religious nuts. I can understand why people like Allen, Kanda and now Kira would feel uncomfortable.
It was a nice touch to mention the rigorous training time of the exorcists. I mean their must have been a reason why they're all so freaking fit.
I can't wait until the next chapter with Allen's lullaby song and walking through the arc. Visiting members of the order etc.
| Snowlily246 chapter 14 . 4/1/2014
Yea! Fast update. Loved the chapter, very fluffly and funny. Update soon.
| papyrus-tree chapter 12 . 3/31/2014
WRITING COMMENTS AS I GO LOL
allen is always a starved squirrel lol
i like the ingsight on lavi omg
like you just added that in but it seems so legit holy butts
"neh" i like how that sounds coming from lavi idk
its very in-character i feel.
wasnt thomas in the last fic? xD
"noticing allen's arched white eyebrow" is a great sentence hnn
you butt xD
ok i hope you dont mind this but i never liked the phrase "sweat-dropped"/shot
it just seemed too /anime/ which, yeah, i know this is a fanfiction fROM an anime but when its written out like this i tend to take it more... seriously? idk. Its just a personal preference.
i love how you have a million different ways of referring to everyone hnn
poor allen bbu *pets allen*
THEN IT SWITCHES TO KIRA
amg i love it i love it
mitt barnarn is one of my favorite nicknames ever ok just thought i'd let you know
"voice heavy" like how everything is cutting back and forth when it seems right. they talk about chikita killing akuma and then the exorcists talking about scorch marks in the barn. very nice very nice.
allens food beckons him amg
whAT A WEIRD THOUGHT. THE AKUMA ARE HIS EYES. strange i have never thought about it that way before?
ALLEN YOURE SO CUTE HE JUST WANTS THE FOOD
faries omg lol
everyones too cute
stop with the cute
"bully our chickens" joe would be ok with that he doesn't like chickens
((psst you forgot the dividing line between dialogues hehe))
"ivory white hair" hnnng *shivers at good adjectives*
im soooo glad you say "stupid" not "baka" the baka annoys me more than the "sweat drop" thing
"my dear bean" oh gawd
SILLY ALLEN MORE FOOD
gawd grampy ur so vague
"patriarch" is a good word too *o*
hnngng grampy perk up
omg i love her reaction to the black order thing ngnnng
its the boX ISNT IT
YES IT IS
dont repress ur emotions kira bb its not a good thing
"ghosted" hnnn more good words
LITTLE KIRA IS TOO CUTE MY BODY CANT TAKE IT
omg she tripped what a nub
okay so now the actual review desu
wow this chapter is so good. like omg. You have such a great vocabulary and amazing characterization! I feel like Hoshino herself had put these characters here hnng
I love the mysteries surrounding kira's past as well as that dang box. Just all of it keeps me wanting to read more! Keep up the good work babu333
| Snowlily246 chapter 13 . 3/26/2014
So sad & funny at the same time . . .
| GreyRoseOfHope chapter 12 . 3/24/2014
Ahhhhhhh it was last updated three months ago! I wanna read the next one, it was a cliffhanger! XD
| GreyRoseOfHope chapter 5 . 3/24/2014
Now, watch as the lithe cat takes down the unsuspecting rabbit. See how the rabbit squeals in agony as frantically tries to kick his way free. The cat gracefully clings to her prey as the rabbit tumbles head-over-heels down the steep slope, ending his descent sprawled on his back.
| Procrastinatingismyforte chapter 12 . 2/25/2014
This is really good! So I hope you update soon!
| KonekoNoRenkinjutsushi chapter 12 . 1/30/2014
A beautiful fanfiction that's been beautifully written. I wish you the best of luck with rewriting this, because I didn't get to read the first version! But either way, I'm really enjoying reading this! It's a really original idea that I've never seen before. I love that you really give the story time to settle and establish itself in Kira's homeland, so it really makes you empathize with Kira when she says that she doesn't want to leave. And I love Chikita! I have a cat that looks almost exactly like Chikita, the only difference being that my cat Midna only has a white tuft on her chest, not a cross. But a natural cat with a cross on her chest is almost impossible! But yeah, Midna even has amber eyes, and she's about 1 1/2 years old. I keep staring at her while she's sleeping on my bed as I read this fanfiction, imagining what she would be like if she was Chikita...
I got led here from deviantArt, and I'm glad I went on after a while to find this! Go Chi!
-Koneko (dragonfableluver on dA) v
| B3GIN chapter 11 . 1/29/2014
(First off, I apologize for how late my review is. ;n; I’m sorry, Sissy! But it’s great to see the updates; they’re always such a pleasure to read.)
Ermagosh it starts off with a quote from Dmitri alskdjflaskdjflaksdjf! ALSKJDFaslkdfjslkdf (don’t mind me, just going into fangirl spasms over here).
Oh my goodness this chapter… You’ve made this rewrite so well, chica, I hope you’re proud of it. The contrast between what has happened and the reactions Kira has given during all this turmoil has greatly shown your improvement as a writer. The small details, as well as the development you’ve given your characters are amazing; you’ve given them life. Honestly, the thought you’ve put into everything is astounding. Bravo. Fantastic job, Sissy. Seriously.
I’d go into detail on the many wonderful things you did with this chapter, but I fear spoiling it for anyone who happens to read the reviews prior to getting this far. Ooh you handled this one so well, though, I don’t know what you mean, asking us to bear with you. You. Are. A. Writer. And if this is shaky writing… girl, let’s just say you’re awesome. You should never doubt your ability as a writer. Although there is surely always room for improvement, that doesn’t mean there’s any need to get bogged down. Your descriptions, the topics you focus on, your manner of writing, your characters, the thought you put into your stories- -it’s all the proof you need, and that’s omitting a ton of other stuff, because I’d end up writing an essay if I praised all the things I enjoy about your writing. I look forward to being able to read chapter 12, seeing as you’ve updated with that as well.
Thank you very much for posting Kira and Chikita’s story, Chi. I’m so glad you’ve continued it. : )
And now for the very slight list of mistakes. I jotted down what I thought you likely originally meant to write within brackets.
-In the eighth paragraph up from the first page break, it reads: “The Malcolm patriarch, meanwhile, promptly –said- back down in his rocking chair,” but I’m guessing it was meant to read “The Malcolm patriarch, meanwhile, promptly [sat] back down in his rocking chair…”
-Fourth paragraph up from the first page break, you have “The Bookman Junior’s gaze softened slightly…” and while this isn’t a big problem or anything, I’d recommend changing it to “The junior Bookman’s gaze softened slightly…” Referring to Lavi as Bookman Junior implies his nickname, right? It sounds kind of strange to read “The Bookman Junior;” however, that may simply be my own odd inclination. : ) It’s not a mistake, per se. Just a recommendation. If it’s your own preference to put down “The Bookman Junior,” I can learn to deal with it. The wording appeared several times in this chapter (and maybe others? I wonder why I hadn’t noticed it before. xD)
-After the flashback, the sentence for Kira’s awakening uses an improper version of lay. Instead of saying “she was laying on the living room couch,” she should be “lying on the living room couch.” Here’s a helpful website for distinguishing these if ya need it www .grammar- monster easily_confused /lay_ (Btw, that flashback…. I wanna talk to you about it so badly! All these teasers are killing me!)
-The fifth paragraph up before the page break for the omake: “And so, after a few minutes of clanking, some [muffled] curses, and a few…”
Thank you again for sharing your lovely story, Sissy!