|Reviews for A state of indifference|
| justin D. anderson chapter 3 . 2/24
It doesn't really matter but according to akira toriyama 1 zeni is equal to 1 yen, which is equal to. .0084 us dollars. So 300 yen would be about $3 in america. Again it doesn't matter at all i just thought it was funny when gohan said he didn't know if he could spend that musch in thirty days
| justin D. anderson chapter 2 . 2/24
I completely agree with you about the briefs and sons being more akin to family than friends. It always bothered me in dbz when they would have time skips and not see each other for years. And as much as i hated dragonball gt, and even though i know it wasn't cannon, the ending is what I hated the most of all. Vegeta jr and goku jr's fight. THEY DIDN'T KNOW EACH OTHER! They somehow completely lost contact through the years. That's what really changed my opinon from mild dislike to outright resentment towards the series. Anyway i'm done ranting. You wrote this chapter quite a while ago so i doubt you'll even read this, i just wanted to review and say i'm loving it so far, and am looking forward to reading the rest and what ever else you write in the future(be it a fic or a novel)
| BPZ chapter 24 . 2/22
Just finished reading the whole story in one day and even if it ends right here totally worth it.
My thoughts, Gohan would not have sex I think he would make love, also I would hope some mention would be made that his attention to her and not just himself payed off. Plus maybe more cursing from Videl. Having Gohan learn from his new Sensai is priceless. Also after waiting this long don't dive back into more Angst for a little while but truly loved this chapter and the whole story.
| Lilly-sama chapter 24 . 2/9
And so, I've finally caught up. What an... exciting chapter that one was. xD
Ahem. Anyway. I have some criticisms.
I don't like your characterization of Mr. Satan. He's just so awful and beyond hope in your story, it makes me sad because I really like him.
I also kinda rolled my eyes at the "Saiyan taking a mate" stuff, which I used to like in fanfics, and even use in my own writing, but now I just find it so unrealistic when I think about it. Saiyans are a barbaric race of warriors who were just happy so long as they could fight and kill and get stronger, and I'd assume dying in battle would be a recurring thing, too. How do you expect them to get that emotionally attached and get pretty much "broken" if their mate were to die? Do you really believe they would be unable to move on? For me, it's unlikely.
There's also a small issue of mine with the way you use "Daddy", "Mom" etc, in your third person narrative. Sometimes I would be confused because it sounds just like a first person POV, but there's no first person pronouns. I dunno, maybe it's just my personal taste, but I'm not a fan.
Now that's out of the way... Great story! I certainly enjoyed the ride, and hopefully there will be more to come sooner than later. ;) I very much liked the scenes at the bus station, though in the first I kept thinking that Gohan should've just ditched the bus and stayed with Videl longer, and fly back home later, hehe.
Also, Chichi coming back to life when Gohan did... *heart* That was just so beautiful. Like, all she ever needed was to see Gohan finally happy. *multiple hearts*
I can't think of more to say right, but know that I love your story. Keep it up!
| Mustafa123 chapter 24 . 12/29/2014
great chappie and great story any chance of completion?
| StanMathers chapter 24 . 11/4/2014
Y U NO UPDATE /3
| Chrisfragger chapter 5 . 9/23/2014
So in this fiction, Videl is a standard girl, whom would cry over a broken nail? No fighting skill what so ever? This is very AU apparently. Still well written and good so far though.
| Chrisfragger chapter 4 . 9/23/2014
I like your coach of the football team. Very commanding. Takes no lip and knows what he is doing.
Though I am disappointed you did not describe the try-outs and reactions in detail. Seemed like a Prime opportunity to put some action in the story without it being "canonny" That you seem to not wish to include.
| Chrisfragger chapter 3 . 9/23/2014
Well written and such. But I don't know if I can continue. It seems to have NO action and doesn't look like it will to be honest. I mean is this DBZ or is it just a story with a main character that happens to be named Gohan?
| Chrisfragger chapter 2 . 9/23/2014
I wonder if there will be any of the actual canon plot in this story. It sounds like from what I've read not likely.
| SoulTsuki chapter 24 . 9/21/2014
So while I was waiting for the next update, I decided to re-read the whole book so far. I realized that I've never written a review, mostly because the only thing that would come to mind is a generic "loved it. Cant wait for the next one" and following it up with a couple exclamation points. I would think how silly that would look. Its not constructive or helpful in any way (nor is this but I think its better than the former) I do find it necessary to say that this is the most well written, well thought out, most character developed fanfiction I have ever read. You're ability to paint such a vivid picture of each scene is incredible. Thanks so much for what you've written so far!
| DarkVoid116 chapter 24 . 9/18/2014
Obviously, this is a hell of a chapter. It took me a very long time to get around to reading it once it was published, unfortunately, since I'd already read it as you're aware.
Taking such a long break in between readings really made this chapter so much more enjoyable for me. I really did like the first read-through of it, but this second time the chapter came to life. I read it more carefully and every little thing Gohan did jumped out. You described the act very well and really made me understand all of Gohan's emotions and the pleasure Videl was undergoing.
There are still many unresolved things in this story and a long way to go. I don't know if there'll be a villain, but I'm sure there's going to be drama nonetheless. Sharpner and Erasa, I believe, still need to hear about Gohan & Videl consummating their relationship. If I'm not mistaken, they worked out their differences as the train was about to leave, on Friday night, Gohan was in Mount Paozu - and with Chi Chi, Mia, and Goten in that village where the villager knew of Goku - over the weekend, and then Gohan and Videl talked Sunday night late into the night, with Gohan returning to Videl's to give her the notebook at the crack of dawn on Monday, and then this would be Wednesday, right?
There was no break or recess in there for Videl to talk to Erasa or Gohan to Sharpner after everything had gone down, and now they've had sex, so there's that wrinkle to add to it.
Obviously, there's also the "adult" drama to account for. Yamcha, Krillin, Tien & co. need to deal with their relationship with Gohan, Gohan needs to tell Bulma about everything and also explain to Chi Chi that he has a girlfriend, and we've got Hercule and his overprotectiveness to deal with. I don't know what lengths Hercule will go to in order to discover more about Gohan, but it won't be pretty, lol. Videl and Gohan should be/will be fine, but they're going to have to deal with this drama regardless.
Anyway, yay! They finally had sex and are officially together and happy. All the rest of the stuff can wait, and I'm certainly excited for the remainder of the story to be written and posted once you're done with your novel. 'til then Ms. Melon, thanks for this awesome chapter.
| aleger2005 chapter 24 . 9/11/2014
Omg...I just re-read the entire story; it's just as intoxicating as it was the first time! I just can't stop thinking about it, even though I already knew what was going to happen, I was still on edge the whole time! I stay up til 3 or 4 in the morning reading this, just to have to get up at 7 for work. Then I do it all over again when I get home lol. I've never found a story, or book, that had me so completely obsessed. You are a truly amazing writer, please never quit what you do, you were born to do this! All I can say is thank you for this piece of heaven you have given me, and I absolutely cannot wait for the next chapters!
| dcp1992 chapter 24 . 8/29/2014
(Pressed the stupid replay before I was done)
But yeah, you do a fine job in portraying emotion.
I feel kinda bad, but while I was reading it I was actually looking forward to when Videl got hurt by Rick, I don't know why because its horrible. I guess its just how emotional the chapter is and how awesome Gohan is too. You did that chapter perfectly.
But anyway, I really really want the next chapter now. But I also know you are in hiatus until around Christmas so I guess I'll have to wait for a new chapter then. Even if it feels like I can't wait that long, lol. Hopefully I don't forget what I read in 4 months. We you in December! Hopefully!
P.S.: I guess you on break is why Plus One isn't updates either, that was a evil spot to stop too.
| dcp1992 chapter 24 . 8/29/2014
(Posting as a guest because I've already reviewed every chapter before)
Man, rereading this was awesome. I spent about 3 days binge reading all the chapters, and I could definitely tell an improvement in the first 12 chapters... I guess that 32k extra words helped out a lot.
But dang, it was defiantly a different experience reading all the chapter at the same time vs waiting for the updates. It was such an experience for the fact I could remember almost all the details from the earlier chapter that were referenced later on in the story. Man, I can't really describe how good you are with words and emotions you portrayed in this story. Also the fact that what the character sees might not always be right, like when Gohan though Videl feared him when he changed to Super Saiyan. Where in fact she was just startled about who he actually was with all the facts. But I think a little fear was showing, just for the fact of her remembering him saving her from where Rick dumped her... Because I know she was still shaken up from that.
I have to say that this is still probably my favorite Fan Fiction of all time. Just the way you write the characters and see play emotion. It did bring up some interesting points though. In chapter 2 it was stated that Vegeta and Goku was going to take Gohan out for drinks after he had sex the first time. So is Gohan going to go out for drinks to honor them, maybe with Sharpner... Though I guess it would be a little embarrasing to tell Sharpener that, maybe not though. Also I didn't notice Gohan bite Videl, as in mate bite, in this chaprer... Did he not do it or what. Because in chapter 15 he semi bit Videl during that emotional scene.
I can say though that this story still gets me super emotional, I can also say it caused me to actually laugh out loud not only at home but when I was out and about too. Deffently got some funny looks but the scenes were just to dang funny. Not many stories can make me laugh out loud... Or get me almost to tears at points. You just suck me into it so much with how you write