hey, i like how u made the story, i didnt want her to become a diva. today, since it has been so long, i will give u a couple of jokes:

One night, a father passed by his son's room and heard his son praying: "God bless Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma. Ta ta, Grandpa."

The father didn't quite know what this meant, but was glad his son was praying. The next morning, they found Grandpa dead on the floor of a heart attack. The father reassured himself that it was just a coincidence, but was still a bit spooked.

The next night, he heard his son praying again: "God bless Mommy and Daddy. Ta ta, Grandma."

The father was worried, but decided to wait until morning. Sure enough, the next morning Grandma was on the floor, dead of a heart attack.

Really scared now, the father decided to wait outside his son's door the next night. And sure enough, the boy started to pray: "God bless Mommy. Ta ta, Daddy."

Now the father was crapping his pants. He stayed up all night, and went to the doctor's early the next day to make sure his health was fine. When he finally came home, his wife was waiting on the porch. She said, "Thank God you're here - we could really use your help! We found milkman dead on our porch this morning!"

A Child's View of Retirement

After a Christmas break, a teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their holidays. One small boy wrote the following:

We always used to spend Christmas with Grandpa and Grandma. They used to live here in a big brick home, but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Florida. Now they live in a place with a lot of other retarded people. They all live in little tin boxes. They ride on big three-wheeled tricycles and they all wear nametags because they don't know who they are. They go to a big building called a wrecking hall; but if it was wrecked, they got it fixed because it's all right now. They play games and do exercises there, but they don't do them very good.

There is a swimming pool there. They go into it and just stand there with their hats on. I guess they don't know how to swim.

As you go into their park, there is a dollhouse with a little man sitting in it. He watches all day so they can't get out without him seeing them. When they can sneak out they go to the beach and pick up shells that they think are dollars.

My Grandma used to bake cookies and stuff, but I guess she forgot how. Nobody cooks, they just eat out. They eat the same thing every night, Early Birds. Some of the people are so retarded that they don't know how to cook at all, so my Grandma and Grandpa bring food into the wrecked hall and they call it "pot luck."

My Grandma says Grandpa worked hard all his life and earned his retardment. I wish they would move back up here, but I guess the little man in the dollhouse won't let them out.

here is the final one:

Actual School Excuse Notes

These are excuse notes from parents (with their original spelling) collected by schools from all over the country:

1) My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.

2) Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.

3) Dear School: Please exscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29,30, 31, 32, and also 33.

4) Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.

5) Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

6) John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.

7) Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.

8) Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.

9) Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.

10) Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.

11) Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had (diahre) (dyrea) (direathe) the runs. [words in ()'s were crossed out.]

12) Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor.

13) Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.

14) Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.

15) I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don't know what size she wears.

16) Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.

17) Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.

18) My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines.

19) Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.

20) Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.

21) Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.

22) Please excuse little Jimmy for not being in school yesterday. His father is gone and I could not get him ready because I was in bed with the doctor.

HOW WAS THAT? hurry and update soon

Aw, this is the cutest thing, EVER.

hey! u finally updated! and im somewhat of a member of the Lazy MWPP writers, though i havent been too active :P but i'll try :D please update soon!~

oh yay! she's not a vampire! at first i was thinking..now how would this story turn out? i honestly freaked out there! lol..but the mistake james wrote on the vial was so sweet! D hehe..glad you updated! keep writing!

*loves this story*

This is fantastic! I really, really, love it. Please keep writing :-). Or updating more frequently...

Tez

That was funny.. great writting

Woo!

:D

Good job!

xD I liked the ending.

Keep writing or I shall send rabid..uh..kitties after you.

yess. XD

An excellent chapter, but I think the way you solved the whole vampire problem was a bit of a let down. I was expecting somthing ... juicier. It was all a bit simple. I wanted something that would be complicated, but, nonetheless, still an excellent chapter.

Tootles,

TheBlackCrayon

I think Lily's weird. She doesn't like drinking blood, even though blood is yummy. Okay, so I'm the one who's weird. If Lily doesn't want to be changed into a vampire, I'll gladly be Mina's heiress, because vampires are AWESOME! Okay, I'm fine. Well, anyway, great chapter and please update soon!

~The flying monkeys will bring death and destruction to all...except for me! You know why? *starts to sing Albuquerque*~

AWW come'on get a move on with this next chapter will ya its been like 72 monthes since u updated and my feeling are hurt SO UPDATE I HAVENT FORGOTTEN ABOUT THIS STORY!

Why'd you make her a vampire?

Great fic!

Update soon!

more more more! i'm really enjoying this, the vsmpire twist is certainly different!

PLZ PLZ PLZ REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW SOON SOON SOON SOON ! I WANT TO SEE THE STUDENTS' REACTIONS!

can't wait to read more, unfortunatly my mum's kicking me off!