|Reviews for One for the Road|
| Hawki chapter 1 . 9/9/2013
Joker’s a wallflower eh? Does it come with any perks? ;)
Anyway, bad jokes aside, review time:
-Strong opening. It feels…human. Yes, that’s about as cliché a comment as I can give, but memory isn’t perfect, and I can see Shepard as having that kind of memory.
-There’s more good writing further down. Narrative flows well, has a sense of momentum that goes along with Shepard (or Shepard is the lynchpin character, so…eh, insert writing essay here).
- Joker said, "Ships remember things."
She said, "What?"
"Ships remember stuff. You walk through a hallway and it's like you're back in a memory."
Good characterization with Joker here.
-It’s the last few paragraphs that things begin to feel iffy, how the whole…session kind of comes out of the blue. Okay, the fic is labelled “pre-Shoker,” and AIRC, this isn’t the first such pairing of the two that you’ve used. Yet the disadvantage is that, if this was, say, a ShepardxKaiden pairing, I could use the context of the game to fill in the blanks as to how they got to that point, whereas in the context of the first game, there’s no such passage for ShepardxJoker. It’s not what I’d call bad, it just feels sudden, and I get the feeling that this is meant to take place in the larger context of your personal canon (e.g. you seem to stick with femShepard) rather than something that stands on its own, such preferences notwithstanding.
Still, I think this was well done at the end of the day. From a characterization perspective, the above section aside, you do have good characterization. It’s delivered in short, sharp sentences but the reader can get a lot out of it (or at least I could). From a writing perspective, there’s something…intense, about the writing style? It’s hard to describe, but it does feel very personalized, in that it uses a lot of narrative to deliver the story (such as Shepard’s movements), but doesn’t feel ‘passive.’ I don’t know if “active narrative” is a proper term, but I guess my point is at the end of the day is that the writing has a certain intensity to it that, from experience, I find is rarely found in narrative as opposed to dialogue. The old show vs. tell paradigm.
So all in all, good job.
| ivanesca chapter 1 . 3/11/2013
Oh my god NO it was supposed to be fluff D: why are you doing this to me, Author-san?