|Reviews for Betrayal|
| naricho chapter 5 . 6/9
Amazing fic. After reading as many fanfics as I have, things tend to get repetitive. But this story was a breath of fresh air. Thoroughly enjoyed it.
Only complaint is that you could have expanded on a few things. The HP/DG relationship had a lot of stuff that could have been explored in more detail.
| h4lfbl00dprinc3 chapter 5 . 5/18
Great fic! Kudos!
| TheZayki chapter 1 . 4/19
I've no clue whether you will actually read this or not but I still want to write my opinion down here so: As you said in the last A/N the story is really jumbled up and many things just get thrown at you that you never heard of but in my opinion that just fits here. This writing style just makes sense with your Harry being broken and mad the way he is. The only really bad thing I noticed are the loose ends: What happend to the horcruxes? Are they still intact everywhere and that's why voldemort didn't die? Are 2 destroyed now because harry hit him twice with the killing curse? How did the whole order die? Otherwise great story
| Tomiya Shiro chapter 3 . 4/6
Damn, I love this! Good job on the post-? war Harry :)
| Kyuubi-dono chapter 5 . 4/1
This was cool. It seems pretty wrapped up from my point of view.
| Crypt chapter 5 . 3/30
Incredible story. I've read this a half dozen times and it is still pretty epic.
I hope you manage to expand the story a bit, maybe a select story with the "missing" chapters.
In particular I would love to see if Harry and Daphne could heal each other after it's all said and done.
Thanks for sharing.
| RummagingForGold chapter 5 . 3/29
Hey decided to reread this story, it's a bit darker than what I usually read, but it's great. The reason I decided to reread though is because some jackass by the name of beyonce2 is plagiarizing your story, and uploading it as his own and I thought you should know.
| ddentler21 chapter 5 . 3/26
Very well written short story, I can certainly appreciate a maddened, "Lord-level" Harry taking care of business.
| Gamma Lead chapter 5 . 3/3
I re-red this after a while and I need to say: you coined it right, this is a powerful piece. That said, I can't say I like it, I can't say I dislike it. My opinion on it changed back and forth as I read and the ending, was a mixture of both. And yet, I could 't stop reading it. Even now, after thinking and writing about it, I can't say whether I liked this story or not, and that makes it all the more powerful. I liked the style it was written in (especially the changing viewpoints and never getting Harry's perspective). That said, I think that aspect could have been a bit more fleshed out; One of the few times I like perspective pieces is because you lose the omnipotent view and I'd have liked it if this piece played a bit more with that besides the Harry part of that. I also think some of the 'Harry was away so timelapse' could have been better implemented. Then again, I realize the constraints a contest would put on development, so much of the negatives above are negligible. I still might have liked a bit more development, however (polish for after?).
As for the content, I again have a love/hate relationship, and even my views are split: for example, I generally greatly dislike rape, so having that as a cornerstone makes me like the story less. However, it was largely skipped over, which again, I like and dislike. The masochist half of me that enjoys a dark story once in a blue moon, would like a bit more detail and more emotional fallout (though obliviation as a plot device helps-still, knowing you were raped and feeling the pain after losing the memory would still greatly impact the character, especially given how long it was happening). The other non-masochist half still thinks it was a bit much (a lot of the Blaise chapter was at least referencing it and giving it a large timescale), especially as it was a large part of the story but didn't seem to directly impact the larger story (other than setting up Daphne's character and add flavor). Also, why? From what I could see, Daphne was a pureblood who didn't necessarily balk (or at the very least speak out) against Voldemort, and Pansy despite being 'lessened' was still a full supporter. Why would they be diminished to whores when it is likely the purebloods would want wives and to start families (even if the wife might not have wanted to), and pureblood wives would be sort of a commodity. I'd find it more likely they use half-bloods instead (as many would likely balk at sullying themselves with the muggle-borns).
As for the ending, I still wish for a bit more polish, as it seemed kind of rushed. That said, I quite liked the last paragraph, even though it seems a bit at odds to not show that development as much. We met her as a broken woman, forced to service guys for years, hopped up on lust potions, where she was degraded (while feeling that she wanted it) and beaten. After, memory charmed to forget, even though she realized what happened later on, feeling the new pains and bruises (if not more). Mid-way through, she's attempting to find some semblance of normalcy, being timid and trying to steel herself (to help Harry, to find her voice). At the end, she's convincing enough to put on a performance (however minimal) to Voldemort, has Harry's trust, and, right after the battle when she visits her sister, has suddenly developed an indomitable resolve. I feel it's a bit of a jump, especially as she only has herself and the not very 'talk about your problems' Potter to sort out what happened and go from there. From being twitchy to indomitable is a bit of a stretch for me, especially if there was nothing to that prior...
And yes, I still can't say I like this story, but I can't say I dislike it, either. I'll have to bookmark it again and re-read it later. Again. :)
| x2leoj chapter 5 . 2/22
Amazing scenes, very soohisticated writing, nothing over the top.
| x2leoj chapter 2 . 2/22
This second chaptee is really bringing the heat to this stpry, fantastic scenes so far! Loving the characterization and plot so far.
| Mark chapter 5 . 2/20
Wow great short story.
Powerful, Dark narrative...
I had no problem with the different POVs
| Guest chapter 1 . 2/5
| daled73 chapter 4 . 12/14/2017
Actually, I think a sequal of some sort is needed. There is too much unfinished business for both Daphne and Harry, and the final extinction of Voldemort. I believe in expelling the SOul fragment it would have taken the "Harry Horcrux" with it. And I do presume he destroyed the locket.
| soggy noodle chapter 2 . 12/5/2017
I skimmed the chapter headings and not once saw Harry as a POV, which is very misleading considering he is named as one of the primary characters included as search criteria.
Don't get me wrong, this appears well-written, I just have no little interest in the perspectives outside the one I was looking for. That may make me seem limited, but all I can say is coming upon this story is like a having a favorite type of music - hard rock, for instance - and tuning to a station on the radio that's supposed to play it only to be blasted with pop.