|Reviews for Ageless Maelstrom|
| Blub2 chapter 11 . 5/5/2014
Add to the previous post - A possible Flashback using 'my' Rules:
Naruto recognices the Hollow as Mikoto and restrains her. Then he gets the piece of jewelry he is still wearing and shows it to her. She recognices the piece and remembers (Flashback begins) how they met in the past and certain events leading to her giving him the piece (Flashback Ends). Back in the present she recognices that although many things about him have changed the eyes remain the same and that he is indeed Naruto. This kind of Flashback gives us as readers a distant past in the Flashback and how a simple piece connects the two persons in past and present. Written out my Version would have been much more elegant than the one currently in the Chapter.
If you have the urge to use a Flashback the next time simple go with the thought 'Do I really need one' and if Yes 'How can I make it better'...
| Blub chapter 11 . 5/5/2014
You are Using a Tool in the wrong Way - unfortunatly like many other writers on this Site :/
A Flashback is exactly that. In Order to use it in writing you need a Trigger like somebody who knew someones parents or remembers a similar situation of the past and then you start it. After it is over it needs to have a certain effect on the present that would be illogical without the knowledge from the past / Flashback.
In every other situation the timeline of your storytelling should match the order of events. There are a few things were it is possible in 'advanced Storytelling' like a 'Pulp Fiction' Order or the likes, but most Hobby-Writers should never go there in my humble opinion.
| Rebmul chapter 11 . 5/7/2014
anko and hana would be good choices to add to the harem anko was hated just like naruto and hana seems to be one of the nicer ppl in the village to naruto
| lou2003us chapter 11 . 5/7/2014
I really want to see what happens next!
Looking forward to next chapter!
Keep up the great work.
| Guest chapter 11 . 5/4/2014
I hope Reina and Naruto's relationship gets off to a rocky start. Reina will probably feel awkward about bonding with Naruto, while he will still have lingering resentment for what feels like her abandonment of him. A romantic relationship should also be slow in coming. They both know they're siblings, and it'll take something drastic to see each other romantically. Seeing each other naked could do it, but I hope you do something more original.
Anyway, despite my demands, this is shaping up to be a a great story, if not entirely correct, grammatically. Hope you update again soon!
| Guest chapter 10 . 5/4/2014
We've been aware that Naruto was the reincarnation of the Senju ancestor, aka Asura, since Obito confronted Naruto in the Land of Iron.
| Daniel chapter 11 . 5/4/2014
great chapter but with aging of fire he could actually suffocate the fire by ageing the air so it couldnt contain oxygen probably the same with lighting ageing the oxygen and noble gases in the atmosephere but wind not so much
| Eveser chapter 11 . 5/6/2014
He doesn't need to figure out how to age the element really, just the energy sustaining it.
| Guest chapter 11 . 5/3/2014
continue this story soon it is good
| T-B-R chapter 11 . 5/5/2014
Teuchi! Woooah, is it weird that's the most mind blowing aspect of this story?
| Guest chapter 11 . 5/3/2014
| MrNeedsToRemoveAllFavs chapter 11 . 5/5/2014
Barragan himself said that he can age anything. He ages a rocket so it explodes and the resulting explosion (fire) so that it does less damage, and he ages energy (which, according to your logic he shouldn't be able to do) in the form of Kido. It just takes him longer to age energy, as seen when he is surrounded by the Kido that Hachi uses and they decay but not at a fast enough rate to let him escape before Soifon hit him with her Bankai. Wind, lightning, and water do have physical molecules that age behind what they do and the difference between aging something at a molecular level and just speeding up the aging process is really just semantics since the aging process is brought about by the molecules breaking down or turning into something else. Lightning, in particular, would be relatively easy to age since plasma most often likes to give off molecules, just like any other high energy thing. An overcharged molecule will take any chance to give away an electron.
| Zikarn Krais chapter 2 . 5/4/2014
Er...isn't Naruto being a jinchuriki of the Kyuubi making Kyoka a hypocrite?
She decided against Mito for the VERY reason that she detected the Kyuubi. Yet they're all "You are exactly the person we've been waiting for" when it comes to Naruto?
| Dreaming of the Phoenix chapter 11 . 5/4/2014
Earth wasn't mentioned in the elements he can't age. Earth, by this I mean things like rock, dust, and minerals in general, do not actually age. This is due to the fact that unless another force acts upon it (ie: water), it will retain it's form and shape. Mud, over time, dries out. Rock, well without wind and/or water erosion it will stay put, in form.
Let's look at water next. Over time water does a few things. With a lack of a heat source it freezes. With too much heat, it evaporates. With no external force, it just moves, from one place to another. Hate to sound like a philosopher, but I must quote Clow Reed from Cardcaptors: "Water is ever flowing." In other words, water will move, at all times. Even when supposedly at rest, sitting within a glass, it moves (surprisingly). Can time really affect that? Only to stop it in it's tracks, so not really.
Fire? Okay, there you hit the nail on the head. So long as there is a ready source, air, it will continue to burn. End of story, no corollary, no "what if". Congrats, There's Fire.
Wind/Air. Yeah, Time does jack-all to Air. It can affect Wind in the same method as Water, stop it in place, but kill it? Yeah, get back to me on THAT particular exercise in futility. Lol.
Lighting, AKA Energy. Once more, trying to stop it in place is about the best you can hope for with power over time. Kill energy? Really? Let me know how well that works for you.
Thus have we gone over the basics of the Five Primary Elements, and their susceptibility to "Death". in one way or another, it simply doesn't work. Here you go, have fun with it.
That long-winded piece having been said, a fun chapter, and I hope to see more of it soon.
| Sage of Dragons chapter 11 . 5/4/2014
Right when you said that naruto hadn't visited his shop because it was the only place he was allowed in. The story is very good but please update faster.