Reviews for Ageless Maelstrom
Darksire64 chapter 3 . 5/9/2014
Damn lol. Nice chapter :D
Darksire64 chapter 2 . 5/9/2014
Nice chapter :)
Darksire64 chapter 1 . 5/9/2014
A nice start. And love what you did with the Hogyoku!
The Man chapter 11 . 5/6/2014
Totes called it. Interesting chap. I look forward to seeing the meeting of the siblings.
Sparkysbro chapter 10 . 5/7/2014
Well, that sealing plan went well...
Blub2 chapter 11 . 5/5/2014
Add to the previous post - A possible Flashback using 'my' Rules:
Naruto recognices the Hollow as Mikoto and restrains her. Then he gets the piece of jewelry he is still wearing and shows it to her. She recognices the piece and remembers (Flashback begins) how they met in the past and certain events leading to her giving him the piece (Flashback Ends). Back in the present she recognices that although many things about him have changed the eyes remain the same and that he is indeed Naruto. This kind of Flashback gives us as readers a distant past in the Flashback and how a simple piece connects the two persons in past and present. Written out my Version would have been much more elegant than the one currently in the Chapter.
If you have the urge to use a Flashback the next time simple go with the thought 'Do I really need one' and if Yes 'How can I make it better'...
SL
Blub chapter 11 . 5/5/2014
You are Using a Tool in the wrong Way - unfortunatly like many other writers on this Site :/
A Flashback is exactly that. In Order to use it in writing you need a Trigger like somebody who knew someones parents or remembers a similar situation of the past and then you start it. After it is over it needs to have a certain effect on the present that would be illogical without the knowledge from the past / Flashback.
In every other situation the timeline of your storytelling should match the order of events. There are a few things were it is possible in 'advanced Storytelling' like a 'Pulp Fiction' Order or the likes, but most Hobby-Writers should never go there in my humble opinion.
SL
Rebmul chapter 11 . 5/7/2014
anko and hana would be good choices to add to the harem anko was hated just like naruto and hana seems to be one of the nicer ppl in the village to naruto
lou2003us chapter 11 . 5/7/2014
I really want to see what happens next!

Looking forward to next chapter!

Keep up the great work.
Guest chapter 11 . 5/4/2014
I hope Reina and Naruto's relationship gets off to a rocky start. Reina will probably feel awkward about bonding with Naruto, while he will still have lingering resentment for what feels like her abandonment of him. A romantic relationship should also be slow in coming. They both know they're siblings, and it'll take something drastic to see each other romantically. Seeing each other naked could do it, but I hope you do something more original.

Anyway, despite my demands, this is shaping up to be a a great story, if not entirely correct, grammatically. Hope you update again soon!
Guest chapter 10 . 5/4/2014
We've been aware that Naruto was the reincarnation of the Senju ancestor, aka Asura, since Obito confronted Naruto in the Land of Iron.
Daniel chapter 11 . 5/4/2014
great chapter but with aging of fire he could actually suffocate the fire by ageing the air so it couldnt contain oxygen probably the same with lighting ageing the oxygen and noble gases in the atmosephere but wind not so much
Eveser chapter 11 . 5/6/2014
He doesn't need to figure out how to age the element really, just the energy sustaining it.
Guest chapter 11 . 5/3/2014
continue this story soon it is good
T-B-R chapter 11 . 5/5/2014
Teuchi! Woooah, is it weird that's the most mind blowing aspect of this story?
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