|Reviews for Snake Eyes|
| DeathGoblin chapter 18 . 6/13/2014
This was a solid lead-in to "The Champion's Beginning" and the quotes fit well with Lea's mental state. This definitely feels better writing than TCB (from what I remember) and I have to agree with you on The Puppet Master chapter.
It was a fun ride and I'm looking forward to the other plans you have for this story universe.
| DeathGoblin chapter 17 . 6/13/2014
This chapter was really dark, but it also felt tragic. I agree with Lea's father, even if it wasn't really all according to his plan there's no doubt his parenting had a lasting influence on his son. Something about that just feels realistic. The ending was really dark. I assume Lea's father died in the fire, having given up on life or something.
| Espeonage Espeon chapter 18 . 6/7/2014
Good work on tying this with The Champion's Beginning. Honestly, I thought I'd have a lot more to say, but really, I've given you my praises before.
| Espeonage Espeon chapter 17 . 6/7/2014
Holy crap, Lea is badass. He just set his house on fire. Kudos, to that. It's great, really.
This chapter flows marvelously. Absolutely marvelously. I love it. Everything just fits.
Did you write this chapter in one sitting? It feels that way.
Good work. This story is amazing, friend. I expect more great works in the future!
| Espeonage Espeon chapter 16 . 5/25/2014
This is a pretty good chapter, though definitely different from your typical style. I like it, but I do think each of the parts would be better off as their own chapters. Sort of. It's difficult to explain...
But it's really good. There's one place where the starting word of a sentence isn't capitalized. It starts a line of dialogue, and the word is "no".
This is a really good story, friend. Can't wait for the end!
| DeathGoblin chapter 16 . 5/24/2014
This chapter felt a little less immersive because it skipped through time, but I also liked the progression a lot. Lea and Annie's disagreements make sense. Giratina's role was also nicely done. There was one point (I think it's the start of Part II) where Lea describes Annie in the present tense for one sentence and then moves to the past tense, but other than that, the grammar seemed okay.
I'll be looking forward to the next chapter.
| DeathGoblin chapter 15 . 5/15/2014
Even though it didn't advance the plot much, it felt like a nice setup. One thing I thought was a missed opportunity was seeing more of a confrontation between Annie and Lea about his job. Overall, I'm glad tat the story is moving away from the casino scene and back on the road. I'm curious as to how and at what point it'll end.
I'll be looking forward to the next chapter.
| Espeonage Espeon chapter 15 . 5/11/2014
Greetings, friend earthling of earth! It has been quite a while, has it not? My apologies; I have been rather busy with life.
Nonetheless, I am here now to review the most recent chapter of your current fanfiction. So shall I get on with it? I do believe I shall.
First and foremost, you misspelled your chapter title. Fanfiction says, currently, that it is "The Right-Hand-Mam" and, after reading the chapter, I am most inclined to believe that this is a typo.
Secondly, your chapter is good. I don't really have anything of major importance to add because it is pretty well-written, so good work!
Thirdly, what are your opinions on Alpha Sapphire and Omega Ruby? Which one delights you more?
Fourthly, this story is ending soon? Very sad. But it is also good. I'm excited.
Fifthly, the inner mechanisms of my brain are currently and have been beset by a storm of great proportions, hence why I have not actually written anything of consequence recently, but I suspect that shall change. I only have a single class left until summer, so I am most excited.
| DeathGoblin chapter 14 . 3/23/2014
I'm glad you updated. One thing I would suggest is reading the chapter out loud. The fight scene dragged a little and rereading it can help you make it flow better. I'm doing that with one of my own stories and it helped me cut out a lot of filler.
Anyway, I'm glad you're planning to finish this. I'll be looking forward to the next chapter.
| DeathGoblin chapter 13 . 1/15/2014
I took me a while to get around to reading this. While Lea does seem messed up and whiny, I am rooting for him (and he was suffering from an emotional overdose anyway). The chapter name definitely fits. It was nice seeing him conversing more with Giratina. However, I would like for the plot to pick up a little more (like getting Lea moving to the next gym). I'll be looking forward to the next chapter.
| DeathGoblin chapter 12 . 12/2/2013
I'd say that Ace is my favorite character so far. I don't like him as a person, but as a character, he fits his role perfectly. While Annie moving on makes sense, I also expected her to find out about Lea's (dirtier) work and disapprove of it. So it's an interesting surprise to see her leave without finding out. I'll be looking forward to the next chapter.
| Friendly Furret chapter 11 . 11/30/2013
I thought this fic was dead but I am glad it's not!
Err...but idk ANYTHING about it. It has been so long I forgot the whole plot! Pwetty please make regular updates from now on. Thank you :3
| DeathGoblin chapter 11 . 11/29/2013
I liked the conversations Lea had with Ace and Giratina. It looks like there will be a conflict later on. As for the scene with Annie, I thought the paragraph at the end was a bit large, but it was still nice to see them interacting again. I'll be looking forward to the next chapter, and happy thanksgiving to you as well.
| DeathGoblin chapter 10 . 11/17/2013
I think you've done well nailing the general tone (dark and gritty, but not too gruesome), and the tone fits the story considering what Lea is going to become. If you're worried about some moments being darker than others, it's okay. Stories can vary their tone a little as long as they remain within the same range. If you're following up a very serious moment with something cartoony (which you haven't) you're doing fine, to me at least.
Also, I can definitely relate when it comes to stories I almost want to stop. In my case it's a DBZ story that i'm trying to finish up so I can continue work on my pokemon story without any guilt of abandoning it. I find consuming related media to be helpful as well as rereading the story (pretending to be a reader instead of an author). Also, there might be certain times of the day when you're more receptive to writing stories (for me its the morning).
I'll be looking forward to the next chapter. Also, I agree with you on upstream.
| Espeonage Espeon chapter 10 . 11/17/2013
First and foremost, thanks for the shout-out! I appreciate it greatly.
Alright, so let's see here. You're worried about nailing - or rather, not nailing - the tone of the story correctly. If I have assumed correctly, that would be dark. For the most part, you've got it down. There are a few places in the story that don't fit, but that's alright. Writing is a learning process.
Inspiration... God, that's a hard question. It depends, though, on what it is you need to write. Do you need inspiration for ideas, or inspiration for tone? For ideas, one of my favorite things is to read pokedex entries (at least, when it comes down to pokemon fanfics.) Also, talk to people. Yes, people look at you funny when you ask them a very specific hypothetical question, but it really helps. I've asked several of my friends what they would do in a situation. Granted, none of them had the personality of the character I was writing, but still.
For tone, listen to music, or read a good depressing story. There are several on this site. Check the Zelda section. There's one story in that section I can think of off the top of my head that's so freaking depressing, it hurts. "Archeronta Movebo." There's also a couple in the pokemon section, but most of those pertain to romance.
I also get ideas from dreams. Very, very basic ideas that will probably never amount to anything, but occasionally, there is a good idea there.
I like the Batman reference. You've been waiting to use that for a while, haven't you?
Great ending. Like, amazingly great ending. I absolutely love ending a chapter like that. It makes me happy!
I noticed that you mentioned rewriting TCB. How's that going, if at all? I actually started my rewrite of UC awhile ago, but I've gotten stuck. Too much has to stay the same to change...
I apologize for not responding to your reviews of Upstream. I've been insanely busy.