Reviews for A Mayor's Last Words
land of lost hairties chapter 1 . 9/7/2014
I know it's not your most recent, but I thought it looked interesting, and it was.

The tone you have here could be interpreted in a few different ways, and I've read it multiple times putting different emotions behind the words. Angry, frantic, defeated? Really complex. His feelings about his district and his own daughter are really complex and interesting to think about.

You've given thought to something that not many others have. Kudos to you.

Keep writing xx
Kayla2175 chapter 1 . 8/17/2014
This was amazing! I loved reading from the point of view of the Mayor because he's such a small character in the book. You did a great job with his personality.

Just one thing, in the books district is always capitalized.

I really like the short sentences at the beginning of a new thought. (My wife, she's dead. The Reapings- they're a joke) It definitely showed how he detested these things.

Overall, I thought the plot was great and well thought out.
OnyxJinx chapter 1 . 6/27/2014
Interesting take on a character we pretty much know nothing about. It is fitting that he is a broken man with nothing to show, and I agree that he and his district lead a meaningless existence. Does the Capitol even need the coal they mine? Maybe the Capitol hopes they will die out given enough time and neglect, and the mayor sees this.
Madge isn't all that bad really, but his absence feeds his perception of her. And the wife, perfect emotions towards her. There is nothing he can do for her, even if he wanted to.

Well thought out piece. I like the spark of hope at the end, that he is the first person to see it.
turtledoves chapter 1 . 6/27/2014
This was a wonderful insight! I loved the idea and the little headcanons you through in, like the mayor meeting.

The way you characterized the mayor was, um, interesting? I don't really like him at all, but maybe that was the point? It was just kind of hard to read a story from the PoV of someone that sounded so cruel. He didn't seem to care for his wife, daughter, or District, and while you justified why, it seemed a bit off.

The last words were interesting, and how he saw something in Katniss. It was nice how he changed in the last few words of the fic. I liked that (:
Chasing Silmarils chapter 1 . 6/25/2014
What I like the most about this is probably the voice of the character that really comes across in the narration. The sentence fragments, though they wouldn't be considered correct, help to convey the emotions. Also, I'm glad that you chose to write about an often looked-over character.
Mayor Undersee's views on his daughter are very different from what is usually written, and it seems very realistic.
You've left out some commas, in sentences such as [Hard I tell you], or like at the beginning of a sentence [Or nearly dead anyways...]. Maybe look that over.
I definitely enjoyed reading this. Keep up the good work!
Tusjecht chapter 1 . 2/28/2014
This is short, bitter, and sweet at the end; like most of your HG fics I've been reading. Well done (:

Undersee, as I will address him for the sake of saving the effort of writing 'Mayor,' is well and truly opened up by you here. Whenever you used short sentences for his thoughts, like [My wife, she's dead.], [Hard I tell you. Plain, cruel, difficult.] I definitely could feel a hint of his frustration and despair at having to manage the poorest, dirtiest, and nearly worthless District of the Twelve. Things like that will creep into your own voice without your knowing it when you're in such a situation, and I like the way you did that. (:

His sheer ignorance of Madge is oh-so-pitiful there. To think that his job takes away so much time from his family that he doesn't even know how his daughter really is, what with Madge and Katniss' friendship, and all the things a father should know about his daughter; he doesn't know them! If Undersee wasn't guilty about his wife's poor state of health and mind, he certainly is made to be when you describe his knowledge and description of Madge in curt, short phrases that gloss over years of her life in less than ten words.

I like this sentence in particular: [...perhaps I didn't give her enough. Always attending meetings to get the district up to scratch, perhaps I'm the one to blame.]

You capture the male psyche remarkably well here: our compassion is reserved and expended in our work and less on the part of interpersonal expression, and I like how it implies quite clearly Undersee is aware that he worked for District Twelve at the expense of his wife and daughter's welfare. You cement this four paragraphs away in the form of [I did, I'm responsible for all of District twelve's failures.] And yet, Undersee's soft-heartedness comes out right after that in the form of [Which *hurts* you know], showing very clearly that there's a heart underneath the workhorse of a man. A tired, battered workhorse.

[Perhaps I should learn to eat my words.][I do worry. I do think.][I /care/.] This part somewhat surprised me a little; I was expecting Undersee to express penance and repentance, but here it comes off a little higher on 'regret.' Perhaps he really is that much of a workaholic? Or an extra dimension on the man in Undersee, hinting at a stubborn streak in him? This ending definitely wrapped up the story by adding a last touch on Undersee, but I'm not sure how to read his words in those sentences.

SPaG incoming!

[Hard I tell you.] {Hard, I tell you.} or {It's hard, I say.}

[Madge, the bouncing baby girl she was when she was two.
The cheerful curious child she used to be.
The sloppy spoilt teenager she is now.] I'd put these into the same line for impact, but that's just a style thing.

[she needed a women in her life] Woman.

[Always attending meetings to get the district up to scratch (which it never is), perhaps I'm the one to blame.] I don't know if you left out the pronoun deliberately, but a rearrangement is in order, I believe. Perhaps {Perhaps I'm the one to blame, always having meetings to attend to get the District up to scratch. It never is, anyway.} or something to that effect.

[they've seen it been played all their lives] Being, rather than been. You want to suggest that it's an ongoing annual recurrence and not a one-time thing.

[Which /hurts/ you know.] For a pause an emphasis on 'hurts,' I'd place a comma after hurts.

That's about it. A pleasure to read and review! (:
MockingjayWithFangs chapter 1 . 1/5/2014
It was interesting you wrote about Mr Undersee, as that not many people do. I didn't like your portrayal of his family but I guess when you carry so much weight on your shoulders and yet feel so useless it may be hard to see the best if others. I liked the ending because it showed how humane he actually was by still caring even though he didn't have to. This felt a bit disjointed but I think that with a few tweaks this would be very interesting.
Silver.Saturns chapter 1 . 11/24/2013
I love every line about this. They speak with great passion.
I never did think this about the mayor, and I disagree with you, but the writing itself is amazing. The concept you put forth is a great concept and it really sticks with me.
[mindless, hapless zombies] I don't really understand the line this is in, and it's a bit of a strange line, but I like it.
The mayor's realization in that line is a great part.
This entire story puts forth a great emotion that I come away with. I quite enjoyed it.
casting ugly shadows chapter 1 . 11/10/2013
And yet, people wonder why I search for Mr. U stories. This is why! This is why! It's perfect, Tiger Lily. :) Perfect. Your writing is perfect, and the fact that he's so perfectly angsted and awesome and just plain awesome in the one-shot, that I can't help but adore it! Great job, dear.
Estoma chapter 1 . 11/2/2013
This is an interesting perspective! I've never read anything about the mayor of 12 like this. Well done for picking something different to write about.

[district twelve] I believe Collins uses the numerals, but either way you go, you should capitalise.

I felt the tone didn't seem very much like an older man, for example, [Which hurts you know.] But then it's very hard to write like a person who is very far from your own self, so I understand and commend you for giving it a good crack.

[I wish I had a daughter like you.] What a good, punchy ending! Nice way to end on a strong note.

SydneyLouWho chapter 1 . 10/19/2013
I love this.

I've never really given much thought to the mayor's character, but I really like this interpretation. He does seem kinda useless. And it makes me sad that he thought Madge was useless, because I really don't think she was, but I guess it's realistic because most parents don't see their kids as they are.

Anyway, this is really original and well-written and I like it a lot.

Keep Writing!

marblesharp chapter 1 . 10/10/2013
Yeah, the mayor definitely must resent his job, being in charge of D12. You could have gone a lot of directions with this but the story is really more of his thought process on things we already know from the series. Exploring this character through an actual plot would have been very interesting.
The flow of this is rather choppy, too. At first he's talking about his jobs and meeting with other district officials, feeling ashamed, and then he's talking about his family. There's no segue between all these aspects of the character written out here.
Also, this a bit of a nitpick but Madge wasn't known to be spoiled - she actually surprises Katniss in being modest, or at least not snobbish, about her father's position. Then again, he goes on to admit he doesn't know much about his daughter so maybe that was the point and it went over my head.
Anyway, I'm glad you were intrigued enough by the mayor to write your interpretation of his life.
lydiamartins chapter 1 . 10/6/2013
great job with this oneshot, and it's a really interesting perspective that you've taken on; [You would think I'd be happy to be father of such an amazing girl, looks and all. But in reality, she's got nothing up there – she's empty.
] would have to probably be one of my favvie lines since madge wasn't really delved into in much of the story and it's interesting how her father thinks about her. of course, the mayor would probably have to care about what's happening in the hunger games since these are his people, the people of the district that he oversees, and he's known these people since they were young children, and i understand why he seems like he wouldn't care but then again he has to care; it's just humane, (: overall, great job with this!

xx clara
Angel of Red Fire chapter 1 . 10/5/2013
Awwww, I LOVED the ending. I love what the mayor said to Katniss. "I wish I had a daughter like you" that was just so adorably written. I LOVED THIS ONE SHOT! I love the Hunger Games! I also loved the lines "It's as if I don't know her at all. I don't know my own daughter." It hurts to read that. No father should ever have to think such things about their daughter. But I can understand where he's coming from. :). Fav fav fav.
DomiHearts1497 chapter 1 . 9/29/2013
I throughly enjoyed this fic! Definite fave, it was intresting getting inside Mayor Undersee since he wasn't mentioned much in the books. All seemed very accuratebto what could have been said in the books. Great piece which really envoked emotion and thought.
17 | Page 1 2 Next »