I absolutely cannot say how much I loved this story. Fantastic and very skillfully written. Well detailed
Thank you I have now read this 5 times

This is one awesomely fantastic story, very well written. I love this story and could read over it many more times, in fact I think I will. Excellent story terrifically written can not praise this enough

This is about the 4th time I have read this. It is still one of my favorites. Such a great story.

Thank for this story. I cannot stop reading. C était super. Je vous remercie pour le plaisir de lecture.

Just read this for the first time-great story. Congratulations for or. Thanks!

Wonderful story!

Reread this again. It is such a good story. Thanks for writing.

Have re-read this AGAIN. What a great story. Thanks for writing

You seriously need a good beta to correct the glaring inconsistencies and errors in this story that completely throws a reader out or at least you should re read your story before you rush out to post.

The different ages you give Danny is a perfect example. In chapter 2 his age is 24, then suddenly in later chapters his age jumps to 27 with no explanation at all. I also question why McGarrett would be asking Danny his age as his birth date would be in his personal file that McGarrett would have read before accepting him to join Five-O.

Your plot is not at all unique and went round and round in circles so much it made me dizzy just trying to follow it. You repeated the same basic scene over and over again. While it can be exciting to see a character beaten, rescued and then grabbed while under police guard in the hospital, when it is repeated several times in the same story, using almost identical set-ups. escapes and rescue it quickly becomes monotonous and boring and is the common mistake of a new writer or the trait of a very lazy writer who is trying to drag out a story out to boost their review count.

Your overuse of cliffhangers that are resolved in just one or two sentences, if they are resolved at all, are something else a decent beta can help you avoid, unless like the repeated scenario of your scenes, you believed it would drag the reader back or up your review count.

I also don't understand why Steve bought Danny his sniper rifle- like most of this story- this made totally no sense. A cop's guns are issued and registered by the police department he works for- they are not bought by the cop.

As I said your story plot although not unique is always an interesting one and this story had a lot of potential but please get a beta who can help you improve your writing skills and at least re read your story before you rush out to post.

I am sorry if this review seems a little harsh, its not meant to be, but I have read your other Five-O stories and see the same issues happening over and over. You really do have a lot of potential and I really think with the help of a beta your stories would improve.

I thought this story was really gripping, great imagination. I read it in stages and was reluctant to stop. Your villain, Matsukiti was worse than Wo Fat. I loved that it shows how Danny was recruited, and to see how his and Steve's friendship Yuri guy was a real creep, and how well thought out was the part of your story when Steve fired him. I thought that was a really imaginative part of the story, I like the idea of knowing about a second in command before Danno arrived. your detail is amazing. Now I know what it means by the saying, (greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friend) Danno was willing to do that and no doubt Steve would for his whole team. Mahalo and Aloha.

This was great! I loved the descriptions and the plots. Really well thought out and done!

Keep writing this is great stuff!

Very intense! I hope this attempt to escape works out and Danny can land safely on the ground.

Yikes on the evil cliffie! Action packed chapter carrying the right punch - pardon the bad pun!

An excellent chapter. The dialogue between Steve and Danny as they discuss the case was executed well. I also particularly liked the way Danny's smoking habit is brought to the surface and how we see his first steps of kicking it.

Please write again. Thiswas very good