|Reviews for The Department of Work and Labor|
| PSVT chapter 1 . 8/25/2013
First and foremost I want to say that I have read through all nine chapters so far and I thoroughly enjoy the story you’ve created so far as well as James and Caterina as a new fratello. I’m in the process of rereading it now and giving you my (admittedly belated) thoughts on it, but I guess that’s better than nothing.
Moving on, this chapter really does set the scene for the remainder of the story quite well, and I liked the more realistic aspect of a cash-strapped SWA trying to figure out how to do its job in a cost-conscious manner. That contrasts with other stories that portray an agency with far more money at its disposal for multiple horribly expensive cyborgs. While I do like those stories, I think the direction you’re taking here in this story provides both a healthy dose of realism and an additional challenge for the characters to overcome.
That brings me to the next thing I really enjoy which is Caterina, or rather the fact that she is built more for a single mission rather than a multi-mission profile. Sure, she is trained in shooting and hand-to-hand combat and the like and she shows a certain proficiency in it (well, more at evasion than actual fighting per her training, but that has its benefits), she pales in comparison to the other first generation cyborgs and likely would fare poorly in actual combat. On the other hand, she is literally built for her specified task, and I can see quite the potential for her above and beyond what you have written so far regarding her involvement in missions. The scene of her first awakening was one of the better ones I have read, mainly because I get to see it from her point of view as she slowly progresses from practically no self-consciousness whatsoever to complete awareness, with all the little bits of knowledge and sensations flowing in over time. It felt similar to the boot-up process of a computer, but far more human. In my opinion, this version of her awakening is superior to the draft you had uploaded on the forum. (Yes, I lurk in there. One of these days I should actually join, maybe.) As for her actual character, her personality, I really enjoy her bluntness and morbidity surrounding her knowledge of her cyborg nature and her role in the agency.
I’ll stop for now, but suffice it to say that I intend to give more feedback in the fairly near future as I go through this again. Overall, I’d say you did a really excellent job. Thanks for writing!
| Polos chapter 3 . 6/5/2013
Loved it, you have very fleshed out characters (They're alive!). looking forward to what happens next.
| Thescarredman chapter 1 . 3/29/2013
Good writing. The depiction of a cyborg coming to awareness is the best I've ever read. James is an interesting character, and I'm sure, from your description, that we're seeing the best side of him as he gets acquainted with his co-workers and his cyborg. Nice touch, having him present his girl with a laptop instead of a pistol. The tech level is higher than the norm, but unobtrusive, and I'm sure will see good use, both by the characters and in your writing. All in all, a very good start.
| Polos chapter 1 . 3/24/2013
Really good! Well written and flowed well. Had a few awkward parts in my opinion but great overall. Looking forward to see where this leads.
Keep it up!