|Reviews for Harry Potter and the Quidditch Adoption|
| fan chapter 10 . 2/13
I like the idea of your story but must compliment you for rewritting them because you often repeat yourself or even make changes without warning and logic ( i.e. the DE are first in a coma then they become squibs and then suddendly they are death?! Not to mention, there was no reaction of them being death from their family and so on! Same with mrs weasley one chapter she did one thing and the next it seems as if she did nothing). It is all a little confusing. I hope you don't take this review as a flame because I really only hope to help you with these remarkes. I will look out for your rewritten story and good luck!
| OSR fanatic chapter 9 . 2/25/2014
Great Story! :) Update Soon! :)
| DracoDreams-2 chapter 10 . 1/28/2014
This is a good storyline keep it up I can't wait to see what happens next did scabbers get the squib sickness or did the ward protect him like snape?
| Princess Scherbatskaya chapter 10 . 1/27/2014
Good luck with figuring out the story! I've been following it for a while now, and I really love your writing.
| michaelc100 chapter 10 . 1/14/2014
I hope you carry on with this story and we see some new chapters soon
by the way, even though you mentioned mrs Malfoy leaving in a dishevelled state, you did not mention what she and harry got up to. It sounded like more than negotiation
| Ped chapter 10 . 1/9/2014
I like your story. The premise is well thought out, and incorporates so much of what HP canon failed to explain, adequately.
And for your reformat may I suggest... something to denote time changes (a few asterisks *** on a separate line works for a lot of people.)
Also, a better flow of time. I swear sometimes time jumps between POV changes (also something that some delineation between parts would help,) that I am baffled about the chapter flows sometimes. Also, Christmas has passed at one point, but then I swear the story went back to the Autumn time period again.
And finally... when was Harry checked out by the Goblins? It was mentioned during his original testing while McGonagall was there (i.e. about his scar,) but that was the last we heard about it until there was talk about love potion overdosing at a check that happened (very much off-screen.)
But, keep up the good work, and I wait with anticipation for new chapters *and* the revamp you have planned.
| cfaithcsf chapter 10 . 1/1/2014
1)I feel you should have many shorter paragraphs instead of the long paragraphs you currently have. I find that long paragraphs are harder to read as it is harder to keep track of the story and I keep getting confused.
2) I think that your story is not consistent. It feels a bit like you are writing without rereading what you have already posted. For example, in one chapter, McGonagall apologized to Hermione, the next chapter, McGonagall apologised to Harry and Hermione for the exact same thing.
That said the storyline is good
| Rake1810 chapter 10 . 12/17/2013
Love the idea of the story and I'm looking forward to what you decide to change.
| valor of the twilight lord chapter 10 . 11/14/2013
very good story but in addition to streamlining the storyline you may want to look at the timeline because I noticed some fairly big inconsistencies in it.
| mwinter1 chapter 10 . 11/13/2013
Let us know.
| gennastar chapter 4 . 10/11/2013
I'm not sure I understand what happened in the chapter in regards to the mark and the followers. Did the TM scar actually pull life force from the followers thereby killing them or did the scar pull life force in an effort to takeover HP's body while the followers passed out but remained alive?
| gennastar chapter 1 . 10/11/2013
This scenario seems right. It would seem like a sports team would notice first that something isn't working for a team mate faster than everyone else.
| Guest chapter 9 . 9/18/2013
Will you pair harry with angelina jonshon?
| BlindJedi chapter 1 . 9/9/2013
Friendly suggestion. If you want more readership, might want to correct the title of the story to Quidditch instead of Quidditich. Will review more later.
| Prustan chapter 7 . 8/26/2013
The story is interesting, and I do like several of the changes that you have introduced thanks to the team, but may I suggest that you find a beta reader to help organise the pacing and events better? As it is now, I have found myself too confused trying to keep everything in order to keep reading.