|Reviews for The Somerton Man|
| Ambroisie-Seduisante chapter 1 . 4/13
Hi there! I'm not greatly familiar with Sherlock Holmes. However, I am a great enthusiast of mysteries and I am quite familiar with the Taman Shud man because it is very interesting. Therefore I selected Chapter 1 of The Somerton Man.
Your introduction is superb. Readers naturally make the assumption that the man is alive. It allows readers to from an immediate, human connection with this stranger; only to then discover that he is actually dead. I did find it odd how you jumped from full/complete sentences to incomplete sentences. It's a bit jarring but maybe that's on purpose.
Your description of Molly is good. Readers (even those unfamiliar with canon) instantly get an impression of who she is: a scientist, a lover, a mother-to-be, but work obsessed above all else. At one point you have a phrase that I'm unfamiliar with and that sounds off: "She'd started time on the computer [...]" Not sure what that means.
I like the dialogue about the names. It was very genuine. Just a normal conversation about baby names between loved ones. It was a nice touch.
A note about Sherlock's state: "the front door clinked and then opened with a heavy thud." and then you say it was a "noisy dramatic entrance." Maybe you could consider adding some more noises to expand on why the noise created was dramatic. For example, door slamming shut, heavy walking, etc.
I actually LOLed when Sherlock poured water over his head. That was great. And I totally can sympathize with the heat. (I'm from Miami.)
You are quite talented at writing dialogue. It's quite genuine and often humorous. You really have a knack for writing dialogue that flows naturally between friends. However one tip I have would be to add more action tags. You have several sentences of dialogue one after another without adding any description. For example, how does the character look when he is speaking, is he fidgeting, is he leaning against a counter, is he murmuring, are his eyes downcast, is he tapping his foot, etc.
There's plenty of name dropping early on - Harry/Harriet, John, Molly, Sherlock, Daniel/Dan, Lestrade, Jacob/Jake, Barber, Thompson, Murtagh, and Greg. I was able to keep up, which is good considering I'm wholly unfamiliar with the canon. But I anticipate it could get a tad confusing, especially if any are original characters. Just something to keep in mind.
Overall, very good chapter. You're quite talented at using dialogue effectively to illustrate a character. Some sentences sound a bit off, which might be remedied by reading aloud when editing.
| becgate chapter 14 . 4/5
Love this series! !
| GeorgyannWayson chapter 15 . 8/25/2014
Yep, I know I'm going out of order here, but I can do that, danggit :P
Quite honestly, I chose this chapter because Mycroft makes an appearance *squee* I love the way you write Mycroft, Eddy and I'll tell you exactly why: it's like whenever you write a line of dialogue for him, you analyze it about 15246435210 times to make sure it's something that he would really say. And you are right on the money every single time. But enough about that! Let's move onto the actual chapter, shall we?
[well-developed contempt] I just really noticed this line here and couldn't help but LOL. Does it mess with your OCD there, Mycroft? ;) Also loved how Sherlock ignored him for the first ten minutes that he was in the flat; typical little brother behavior.
[How's things] reading this opening line from Mycroft out loud, it sounds just a tad bit awkward to me. 'How's' when separated is 'how is' and considering that 'things' is there, I think 'how are' would be better suited here.
[You lied to me Sherlock] Oh, dem chills at the tone of this line *hides behind hands* you're in for it now, Sherlock.
Oh, bringing back the story of 'Leavetaking', are we? *remembers the feelz that I got from reading it* but Mycroft's right about what happened. Sherlock was a kid and kids sometimes say things that are really embarrassing for some adults involved. It wasn't his fault.
*STORYTIME* Actually, when I read both this part and 'Leavetaking', it reminded me of when I was 5 years old and I told my aunt that my dad hated me. Now, my father had never actually said that out loud, but he had an extreme amount of unspoken anger toward me for my existence (even though he was part of the reason why I was alive in the first place *eyeroll* logical, I know) but like Sherlock, I had no filter in my brain to be able to know when not to say certain things. I totally feel his pain with the memory of that night *END STORYTIME*
Oi, I'm sorry about that rabbit trail there, back to the story!
[I lied to you, too] oh, cripes...I sense a monkey wrench moment approaching. And indeed, there is. So the Holmes brothers aren't alone; they have a sister. I'm actually very interested in seeing just exactly who she is, and am looking forward to meeting her :)
[I didn't get this nose from the Devereaux side of the family] HAHAHA oh my gosh, that's hilarious XD Mycroft's nose is rather unique, though, I gotta admit.
I have to say, I agree with Sherlock's response to Mycroft's 'gift' and if I was in his position, I would do the exact same thing. Quite honestly, if it wasn't for the fact that my father actually wanted to talk to me, I wouldn't have anything to do with him. Seems to be the best way to handle things, IMO.
Great ending to this story, Eddy. Poignant, yet simple. See you around *huggle*
| GeorgyannWayson chapter 13 . 8/20/2014
Oh my gosh, I love this opening question from Sherlock! It actually sort of reminds me of how I write Mummy Holmes in my AU to be honest with you. Love how now that he's done research and YouTubing that he has a new spot in the Mind Palace for 'childbirth' XD
[tonne] I love it that when I read your fics, I get more educated about British terminology, just saying :)
God bless Jill for putting with Sherlock's crap in a very professional manner haha. At least she took his dismissal of her presence well enough. Now, let's see if he can crack this code once and for all...without much regard for Molly's current condition *shaking my head*
I'll be honest, I lol'ed at the two women having that conversation at the nurse's station. I work in a hospital and though I'm not up on the floors anymore, I do remember walking by silly conversations like that on a fairly regular basis. And lol to the 'oh, yeah, she's the one that came with the handsome guy in the suit'. If only they knew about his oh so charming personality :P
People wonder where I get ideas/inspiration on how my Mummy Holmes thinks and I'll tell you that mostly, it's the way you write about certain scenes like the one where Sherlock was scribbling obsessively in his notebook. *just saying*
BAHAHA UNCLE SHERLOCK *rolls* and OMG EDDY MY FEELS WITH SHERLOCK HOLDING CHARLIE! *flails* The miracle of human life knows no bounds, and even Sherlock Holmes is taken aback by it :) such a sweet scene.
[Thank you. I love you.] I'll be honest, not really sure what the 'thank you' is for *is slightly confused* but nonetheless, aww wonderful ending! Great chappie, Eddy! *huggle*
| GeorgyannWayson chapter 3 . 8/19/2014
Oh yes, I remember what you told me a few months ago about reviews for this story ;) but in all seriousness, hi!
[He had no idea what it was] I never thought that I would see this line ever apply to Mycroft Holmes...like ever. I had to do a double take and actually soak that in for a second...and I lol'ed at him taking comfort in the fact that Sherlock doesn't know what it is, either.
Baha at Sherlock trying to keep his shoes clean XD seriously, dude, this is your life's work. This is not the place to wear your best shoes, silly! If anything, you should be more interested in this utterly fascinating case *just saying*
Oo, dat image of the dead man *shiver* creepy stuff. Very enlightening analysis from John's end (per your usual quality!), but I do wonder why he had to say just how long it takes rigor mortis to set in to the inspector. Not saying it's wrong in the slightest, but I thought that the inspector would at least know that or the pathologist would've told him so...but then again, John is just relaying information; he has no way of knowing just how information has been passed around at this point.
...Ignore me, I'm just rambling now.
LOL at the comment that John just can't deal with Sherlock's showing off on top of the horrid weather! But he can't help it, John- that's just what he does. And of course, in the midst of that, he has to attract attention from the whole freaking police department around them.
I think you're missing some periods with some 'Dr's and one 'Mr' in the dialogue. [...small village, Mr Holmes; ...like an athelete, Dr Watson said...]. Otherwise, I see nothing out of place (and to be honest, i'm not exactly looking for any).
A foreign dude, eh? Well, that certainly puts a spin on things. I'm interested to see just who in this small setting would know such a man, because Terry's right: small towns thrive on scandals and rumors *believe me, I know; I live in a town like this*. This man wouldn't be able to hide under the eyes of such nosy peeps.
At any rate, I'll shut up now so that you can move on with life! See you later, Eddy *huggle*
| The Bitter Kitten chapter 15 . 8/5/2014
OH HEY I’M FINALLY GOING TO FINISH A STORY WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT. And I’m not even 40 yet :P
Oh shit. You know it’s bad when Mycroft visits 221 B. “Well-developed contempt” is fantastic.
And you know Mycroft probably pinched Charlie and Molly’s hospital records for his own edification soon after she was born, as much as he claims to be disinterested. I feel like he would be a pretty crap babysitter, though. :P
I’m not sure I like his tone with “while he’s busy with his family”. That feels like a twist of a knife in an already open wound. AND SHERLOCK AND JOHN ARE TOTALLY FAMILY, MYCROFT. THE KIND YOU CHOOSE.
And oh, my heart. I have no words but the empathy Mycroft shows Sherlock about screwing up when he didn’t know any better. Just… ugh. I hate you with the fire of ten thousand jealous suns.
OH FUCK MYCROFT JUST ADMITTED HE WAS WRONG
My floor is suddenly very, very cold, and I’m pretty sure something just flew overhead…
“And I wish you the very best of luck with whatever you choose, brother.” And poor Mycroft dealing with being rejected by his own father all alone...
What on earth is happening? An indoor dust storm? Allergies? Indoor rain?
AND THEN SHERLOCK CHOOSES MYCROFT AS HIS FAMILY AND I AM DEAD.
Good thing the story’s done. :P
Oh, Edhla, I have no words. I have plenty of chills, though.
| The Bitter Kitten chapter 14 . 7/26/2014
Oh yes. Newborns are LOUD AF. Good thing they’re cute, or I’d bet, like, so many kids would just be left out in the woods and we’d have roving bands of feral children.
…That’s a really awful mental picture.
SEE WHERE YOU TAKE ME, EDHLA?
Also I love that Harry is getting an early start of wee Charlie the Fashion Plate. Come to think of that, it’s probably why she’s screaming :P
…I want to see the panda outfit, Edhla. I do.
A haha. I love how caring Harry is for Molly. I feel like they have some really good Girl-Chats.
I also love that Charlie is not quiet like her parents. I know, I know, newborn and everything, but you just know Harry and Sherlock are going to be her very favorite people in the world because they’ll let her raise hell.
I love that Mrs. H. just quiets Charlie right down.
Oh, Melissa and Lestrade and fighting about kids. : ( That has to be really hard for both of them.
BAHAHA. Lestrade with the truth bombs and just casually referencing Molly’s fidelity.
Also I don’t know how you are so creative as to be able to tie in adorable moments like ribbing John about his ears to solving the Somerton Man case.
Also, Lestrade better watch it with abandoning Melissa in places to dash off with Sherlock.
Also ALSO it is seriously fucked up family dynamics to hide the father of your child in the attic while you play house with whichever sadsack agrees to pretend to be his father. That poor kid : (
And also seriously fucked up to just let Kazan die. At least toss him some vitamin C or something.
As always, you are wonderful.
| GeorgyannWayson chapter 6 . 7/10/2014
I know I'm that I'm just zooming through your stuff, but it's all SO GOOD. Once again, I'm reviewing where I currently am, so ONWARD.
I knew something fishy was going on with Renae's story *dramatic point*! I love how Sherlocks's thunder got stolen and yet still he gets dramatic with 'guess what I know?' As Mycroft would so calmly remind us 'he does love to be dramatic'.
[...his oversized teeth making a frighteningly abrupt appearance.] - love this visual of Mr. Jestyn! Makes me think he looks something like one of those good ol' country people that I live around.
[..."I'm sorry," he could hear Sherlock telling Daniel as he shut the screen door...] - maybe I'm reading this wrong, but I thought that John went outside, not Sherlock? A tad bit confused.
['Wonderful, mystical period known as the Eighties.'] - I lol'ed XD
Aw, poor Nicholas. I suspect that the narrative is hinting that he's being beaten by his father. That poor child; my heart just hurts for him. I hate to hear/see/read about child abuse. I'm willing swift justice to descend upon Mr. Jestyn's head!
I have to say, this is actually the first time in your series where I am so pissed off at Sherlock it's not even funny. Child abuse isn't something to sniff at, and I'm completely with John wand his reaction to Sherlock's 'so?'. If I could reach through this screen and choke Shelrock right now, I would.
Whoa. I was SO not expecting that ending. I thought maybe Harry had another episode, but dat ending...what a boom to end on.
Loving this story, Eddy! See you later! *huggle*
| The Bitter Kitten chapter 13 . 5/25/2014
A hahaha, Poor Sherlock’s abrasiveness increases ten-fold with his discomfort, which is probably the worst time. He reminds me of a soaking wet cat that doesn’t know what to do with itself and so attacks the towel you’re trying to dry it off with.
I also love that Jill is getting a bit invested. But come on, Sherlock would be a good, if neurotic father, should that chance ever arrive. He’d need a John-type to balance him out, though. :P
And damn right Molly Hooper is a genius. She just doesn’t need to peacock it all about, like SOME PEOPLE. She really does get the Overshadowed by Awesome trope, doesn’t she?
And on one hand, I totally agree with Sherlock that most of the platitudes are useless wastes of air, but when you’re in that much pain, it’s easy to get lost in it and it’s sometimes all you can do to remember to breathe and remember that at the end of all of this, you’re getting a brand new baby. :P
“I need you to help me”. He really is trying in his own daft way, isn’t he.
I love Lestrade so, so much. Casual minor abuses of his position will never not be fantastic.
GET ON YOUR GAME, LADIES. THE PIGEON INCIDENT CAN WAIT.
It’s that same kind of “everyday life for me is a life-changing event for you", but you can at least pretend to give a rat’s ass about your job, Miss Bottle Blonde.
Poor Sherlock, though. He really does deserve some sort of recognition for helping Molly through, but he stops peacocking and just slinks off into the night. Grah. It’s like, dude, it’s totally cool to greet your friend and /then/ get the hell out of dodge, but stop making your friends look like jerks. It’s not like they’d be angry at you for stepping in for a moment, and they’d probably really like the chance to share the moment with you or express their gratitude. He did the same thing in Series Three, and it’s like YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE SAD, MAN.
Carefully weigh out a few portions of cat food -and oh, just let the cats have the WHOLE BAG. Totally fine!
Aww! Molly passing down her mouse :D I do love Sherlock disdain for all the fuss and nesting syndrome going on there. But really, she hasn’t had much else to do what with being off work.
“If this child ever addresses me as “Uncle Sherlock”, you will regret it.” Ahahaha. JUST ADMIT YOU’RE ALL FAMILY SHERLOCK. And your heart will melt and grow three sizes that day.
I am a puddle, Edhla. This whole chapter is so cute and perfect!
| The Bitter Kitten chapter 12 . 5/24/2014
Besides the fantastic history and character development you manage to cram into this one teensy conversation, I love your little epitaphs. It’s a nice way to sort of show how John is avoiding looking at her. It seems like every woman is 'beloved wife and mother." I kind of want some poor woman to be laid to rest with "Malicious Slattern and barren. Have at her, Satan" just to buck the trend.
And I love the hints that they’d been together for at least 8 years before Clara left him for Harry who left her some time later… It’s so fitting for John to have been trying to take care of Harry forever, and that Clara tried to, but she has the right of it when you can’t fix someone, not even for themselves. They have to do the work themselves, and it’s sort of lovely that Clara’s willing to pony up the massive outlay of cash to send her ex to rehab. And I think it’s realistic that she could care that much and also be AWOL for five years.
Way to leave poor Harry to fend off all the well-wishers going through the motions.
ALSO ANSWER YOUR PHONE JOHN. MOLLY’S IN LABOR.
Oh. My. Heart. Sherlock as the dogmatic voice of reason helping her to the door and I can just hear the swelling, triumphant orchestral music-
“And we’re fine.”
and I love you again. Marry me, but you’re having the kids kthx.
And apparently John is not all the way over Clara, the way he’s treating her. Turning his back is just /rude/. It’s not the same tenderness with a heaping helping of dysfunction as Harry and Clara, it’s mostly dysfunction and mostly on John’s half.
“Both, but Harry’s the one who married her.” Hee.
I love Greg’s sort of no-nonsense appraisal of wherever he is. It’s a breath of fresh air from the madness of John and Sherlock :D
I also love his whole “Bankrupt the Met, one food service order at a time” agenda.
JOHN GO WITNESS THE BIRTH OF YOUR CHILD HARRY CAN DO THINGS HERSELF TOO
You make me so shouty, Edhla. It’s not even fair.
Oh gosh, yes. Private rooms. I love how stoic she is, though, especially compared to the whole screaming waif down the hall. Yeesh.
This isn’t you specifically, but I’ve noticed: good nurses are motherly and probably a little plain. Bad or love-interest nurses are hot. :P
MOLLY YOU ARE IN LABOR IT IS OKAY TO THINK OF YOURSELF.
And I cringed on her behalf at the “keeping a closer eye on things”, because the last thing you want when that area is attempting to form its own little black hole is a speculum and fingers.
ALSO I LOVE THAT MOLLY AND JOHN SNICKER AT BIRTH PLANS. Seriously, don’t get me started on the whole “I want a home birth with no one else there” thing.
I know it’s critical to the plot, and the laws are different in the UK vs the US, but telling a random patient the name of another would be an absolute violation and probably on level 2 of 3 levels of Bad.
But I’m willing to forgive it for Sherlock reading Molly’s chart without realizing it would contain such scintillating details as the length of her cervix. :D
MOLLY HOW COULD YOU YOU’RE MEDICALLY INCLINED YOU KNOW HOME BIRTHS ARE REALLY DOUBLE PLUS UNGOOD.
Lolol John’s side of that conversation is hilarious. I’d seriously just copypasta the whole thing as “thing I liked”.
And of /course/ they chat about how post-pregnancy sex will be. And of /course/ Greg compares it to a pub BURNING DOWN.
You're the best.
| The Bitter Kitten chapter 11 . 5/23/2014
I don’t know how I didn’t have this already favorited. But yeah, this story is one of my very favorites of your tremendous body of work, so there.
Oh, Molly, love. I worked at an OB/GYN office right out of high school, and that was one fear almost every single first mom had, was going, thinking she was giving birth and being turned away as paranoid and out-of-touch with her own body. That midwife should be kind of really ashamed of herself, to be honest. Yes, you’re a big fucking doctor and a badass motherfucker of a nurse or the bestest midwife that ever midwifed, you’ve seen it all, done it all, and can tell a Braxton-Hicks from a real-deal contraction just by looking, but the woman in front of you is about ten kinds of scared, and she doesn’t need your condescension, because then she’ll just get herself in trouble because she doesn’t want to be seen as stupid (again). It’s one of those things that people in those kind of settings have to remember—just because it’s your daily life, the person in front of you is out of their element, scared as hell, and probably in not insignificant amounts of pain. Too Cool For School or This Bullshit is not an endearing bedside manner. /end rant.
I love that the cabbie is concerned enough to watch her go in. It’s just a really touching, human moment, and a great contrast to Greatest Midwife Evar.
Hee. “rapturously”. I know it’s not the word, but I keep thinking like, velociraptor, and envisioning kitties stalking around like in the kitchen scene from Jurassic Park for her to return will never not be hilarious.
Poor John and Harry, man. I don’t know what kind of reserves John has, but he is peerless and I love him.
This whole scene is so quiet and so painful it’s, well, painful. Well done.
SHERLOCK THOUGHT OF SOMEONE BESIDES HIMSELF LONG ENOUGH TO MAKE MOLLY A CUP OF TEA HOW SHE LIKES IT WITHOUT EVEN HER ASKING HOLY SHIT THE WORLD IS ENDING
That’s unfair, but I really feel for Molly here, and I love that Sherlock, even maybe without realizing it, is sort of doing what he can to ease the way. His rise to greatness in later chapters is such a sight to behold, and yes.
Also, I love how you buried the hint of the allergy. One really super fantastic thing about your mysteries is they really are indeed mysteries, and not, for example, something extremely obvious that you just hid from the reader. It’s wonderful, and it really reminds me of Tana French’s work, which you should read.
And Molly is only “sometimes” a genius. :D
OH HELLO CLARA
I love their first chat. It takes the exact right tone of history and affection and nervousness on both sides and GAH marry me we’ll have lots of kids.
I love how Harry sums up John. It’s perfectly sibling.
You know, I don’t think Molly would. She’d probably apologize for bleeding onto the carpet. Unless it was in her lab. Then you’d better watch out. :P
I also love that Sherlock flails, snarks and manages to act in desperate situations. BEST OF ALL WORLDS.
AND HE TIPS GREG OFF SO HE CAN EXPLOIT LABORATORY ACCESS AND STILL MAKE SURE JOHN HAS THE SUPPORT HE NEEDS. Magnificent bastard.
Fascinators look cool, but they also look ridiculously silly in real life situations. Take note, Melissa.
I know we talked about this before, but John’s eulogy is just blisteringly emotional and I hate you.
I also enjoy Sherlock’s near-panic at get to the hospital NOW. Giving birth is such a HOLY SHIT THE WORLD IS ENDING YOU’RE IN LABOR okay sit here and wait in steadily increasing pain for possibly three days sort of crapshoot.
Sherlock! Offering to stay with Molly! Knowing that she just needs support and a hand to hold! I’m dead. Good thing the chapter’s over :P
| hiddenhibernian chapter 15 . 5/21/2014
My guess for the epilogue is that Sherlock will be asked to be Charlotte's godfather...
“He had a well-developed contempt for living anywhere that had to be assigned a letter after the street number” - Sounds like Mycroft all right! Can't see him willingly live anywhere that even has a street number...
What? I was not expecting Mycroft to have hidden quite that much about their father! The thought of Sherlock's only memory of his father being so mortifying is oddly touching: no wonder Sherlock wanted something else of him to remember.
“pulling a packet of cigarettes out of the microwave” - Where else would you put them? :)
“because we both know I didn't get this nose from the Devereaux side of the family” - Hahaha! I sense a theme of family resemblance running through this fic...
Thinking about it, it's now quite obvious that you're using the different strands of this instalment to go deeper into the family history of both John and Sherlock. There's something about the birth of a baby that makes you think about your own parents, and I've really enjoyed delving deeper into what made the characters who they are. I'm much more convinced by your Mr Holmes than the one in canon, down to the awful dismissal of Mycroft.
Sherlock's shaking hands were a lovely detail; I chose to interpret his gesture at the end as solidarity with Mycroft, who certainly could use some after being abandoned again by his father. The Holmes' may not exactly be a cuddly family, but telling your son he should be happy only with your name is cold even for them.
I love that you took the epilogue in a completely unexpected direction, and how human both Mycroft and Sherlock appear in it. Well done!
Still waiting for Mycroft in love - on to Four Little Bottles it is!
| hiddenhibernian chapter 14 . 5/21/2014
So the men bunk off to discuss business... It's very true to life, babies have a way of making people revert to gender stereotypes. Let's hope our generation can change that!
"They don't really scream that much, do they?" - I may know a little of what's coming next, but even without that this comment has “ominous foreboding” written all over it...
So it's not a code – very clever! I love the corollary to how Molly solved the cause of death. It does seem a little extreme that Renae would be in a clandestine relationship with Kazan for twenty years, while getting married to someone else at the same time, but let's see how it unfolds. Bearing in mind that it's Sherlock, who perhaps isn't best placed to dissect someone's relationships, who has deduced what's going on it may make a lot more sense when Renae gives her take on it.
Shamefaced disclosure: I may actually have a baby panda outfit in a cupboard somewhere – not purchased by me, though!
“That's it. Of course!" - I'd put good money on Sherlock just having realised that Nicholas us Kazan's son...
“like Batman and Robin headed for the Batmobile” - Hahaha...
"'This' - stray quotation mark here
I like the way you handled all the people in the arrest scene: it was really easy to follow who was doing and saying what. Renae hid Kazan for -sixteen- years?! He must have been going absolutely bonkers after a very short portion of those?! It's a very creative way of explaining Kazan's absence for all those years, and I love how Sherlock used ears (I'd never heard of the helix either...) to solve the case.
It's a neat twist that it wasn't murder after all (although I'd almost class it as manslaughter), and that Renae and Daniel really did all they could to thwart the investigators.
The piece of the puzzle I'd have some reservations about would be Daniel: what was in it for him? Free board and lodging I assume, but is that really worth disposing of a corpse for? I don't think he would have been in love with Renae from the start, since she never would have had any reason to spend much time with Daniel before expecting Nicholas... but maybe I missed some of the clues earlier on.
Love the TV and DVD player at the end: sure, the poor man needed something to do!
| hiddenhibernian chapter 13 . 5/20/2014
“researching the "physics of this event" on YouTube” - Hahaha – that's one way of ensuring you'll be scarred for life!
“"Just keep thinking about your baby..." - Very true to life, this! Also, “your baby” must be said in a slightly dreamy tone, which somehow is dropped just after birth when there is an actual baby around.
I love Sherlock in the labour ward: the dissecting of platitudes, the focus on what's really important (the case, obviously), and that he can't help doing research even though he really doesn't want to know.' I thought his crowning glory would be ordering the midwife out, but this is actually even more flabbergasting: “I'm in no mind to explain the same thing to you more than once..." If I had been Molly, I would have thrown him out of the window!
I love the large woman with grey hair: anyone who repeats “I said” in the same sentence is obviously not the brightest bulb in the box...
Oh, finally John has got to Molly, and I love the fade to black here: “John later had no recollection of seeing Sherlock Holmes there at all”
“absent-mindedly leaving things where he'd set them down on the floor” - is that an ominous hint...?
“The ex-soldier... was now thoroughly embedded in a world of padded rocking chairs and paisley-eared mice!“ - I love the disgust in Sherlock's tone here, and also how well you've shown the sudden shift to a world with a lot more stuffed animals and bright colours than you're used to. Somehow, one imagines babies on their own, and forgets all the stuff that comes with them.
I've got a massive smile on my face now: Sherlock meeting the baby was lovely, from his reluctance to hold her to making awkward conversation with her. Oh, the little hand...
I did wonder why Molly wouldn't have asked Mrs Hudson to come in instead of Sherlock, but I suppose she always knew John was only an hour or so away once they finally got hold of him.
That was a fantastic chapter, you did a marvellous job of describing labour and what came afterwards. Well done!
| hiddenhibernian chapter 12 . 5/20/2014
“John wandered off the path” - For God's sake, would it kill him to LOOK AT HIS PHONE?
“The Hoopers [were] buried in Stepney – missing word?
“Clara took the hint, flung it down at her feet and stomped on it” - Hahaha! The mention of John as the 'poor, dear man' in the last chapter made me suspect there's quite a bit of backstory between these two. Oh, I'd forgotten they used to go out! I definitely think you mentioned that previously...
“"Yes, look, I'm bloody working on it, Clara!" - This is just heartbreaking: he -still- thinks it's his job to “fix” Harry? That makes me wonder exactly what happened between John and his father; does it have something to do with John feeling responsible for Harry...?
The way you've worked in John's avoidance tactics – reading the headstones, thinking about his phone (time to pick it up, no...?) – works very well, by the way.
Darn, I really wanted to picture Sherlock carrying Molly... Surely it shouldn't be too hard considering that he's almost twice the size of her when she's not pregnant? :)
As an ex-smoker, I get the impression that Lestrade would have had a cigarette at this juncture even if John had been holding up a placard saying “Talk to me!”...
Finally! I like how you got Lestrade to relay the news, for that extra little stretch of “Will he ever get to the hospital”-edge of the seat for your readers...
I'm actually getting annoyed with Molly: “guiltily reflecting that it had been wrong of her to use the nurse's bell”. You're in labour, woman! And deserted by Sherlock, too (although he might be as useful as a lighthouse in a bog at this juncture).
Looks like we're getting closer to a resolution of the mystery of the Somerton Man, too – to be honest I had lost track of it, the other subplot is grabbing my attention at the moment! I predict that Sherlock is going to burst in with the solution as everyone else is cooing over the baby, and not understand why no one else cares.
Lestrade's pub simile is just horrible, horrible – I love that you're making him out to be a bit of a lad and that you're consistent on your characterisation, but I'm cringing here... what a way of phrasing it!