|Reviews for Untitled|
| TheNotSoNiceLibrarian chapter 1 . 3/27/2013
I'm intrequed... I look forward to the next chapter
| Ryane-Foxx chapter 1 . 3/27/2013
:) I really like where this is headed. It has pulled me in and made me want to read more. :) I normally don't leave constructive criticism but I kind of wanted to here. If you're going to have Kurama speaking in his POV; try to use the right grammer context. A lot of words don't need the 'ed' at the end to probably convey what he's doing. Like, "I wrapped my arms closer around my body as I walked on in a useless attempt to ward off the overwhelming coldness of the night." Instead put, "I wrap my arms closer around my body as I walk on in a useless attempt to ward off the overwhelming coldness of the night."
ALos, Like towards the end, instead of "Laying my head on the pillow I know that I probably won't sleep much tonight if at all, but I have to try. Although, foolish as I know it to be, I can't help but hope that maybe sleep can help to forget about the day's events." try something like "Laying my head on my pillow, I know that I probably won't sleep very much at all tonight; but I know I need to try. Although foolish as the thought may be, I can only hope that sleep will help me to forgot about what occured today."
:) Just a forethought about how to shorten your sentences so they don't run-on, and give just as much information with less words.
As I said before though, totally looking forward to where you're going with this. I'm dying for the next chapter already!