|Reviews for At Peace|
| ReadingBlueWolf chapter 32 . 8/25/2013
So we’re all gathered for the final fight. Is that correct? I think this is where fandom blindness really comes in and cripples me. I have no idea what the Digimemory is. I just have a clue that only Taiki could use it apparently. Is it different this time because he wants them to use it? Does it answer to him? Is this sort of like a patronus? Like happy memories make it work? I still have a feeling that Taiki is going to die. I don’t like it one bit. Okay, I thought the Code Crown was a stone. Then what was the stone? I love how there’s all this time to discuss game strategy while they’re waiting for Bagramon. It’s awesome. So this can revive the dead. Hmmm… What does that make Taiki? Why are his eyes glowing red? Has that been discussed? Okay, so now we’re going into the final battle. Right? I like the visual about the Code Crown shifting into different colors. That’s pretty awesome with the red and gold.
| Edhla chapter 32 . 8/25/2013
SO I think I missed out on a lot here 'cause I have no idea what an Xros Loader is or what DigiMemory is :D Hardly your fault. I did love the vaguely St-Crispin's-Day-Speech feel of the whole feel here, though, with the little mini-speeches Taiki was giving.
Clever use of dialogue to advance the plot, having them interrupt and talk over the top of each other.
The Code Crown stuff... *goes crosseyed* OK, I think I understand THAT much of things, anyway... or so much as Taiki can explain it.
"Swirling into a mantle." WIN.
"Abyssal red." DOUBLE TRIPLEPLUSGOOD WIN.
"Swirling from embers..." I'd perhaps use another word than "swirling", either here or above, since it's a little repetitive in a tiny drabble.
"Embers of red to diamonds of gold." AIKO I LOVE THIS.
"The world was bathed in golden light." I LOVE THIS TOOOOO.
*Seethes in unholy jealousy* I can't wait to see how this'll end up :D
| reminiscent-afterthought chapter 5 . 8/24/2013
[Zenjirou didn't speak a word while they ran. Mercy. ] - the contrast there is interesting, but personally I think using a single word, especially one as provocative as that, winds up being counterproductive.
[back at the blonde] - should be "blond" for a male. "blonde" is the female equivalent.
[... Has Taiki-san ever had a red light around him?"] - considering your other phrases, this one's too long without getting a puff in it. And for some reason you have four dots in the ellipses instead of three.
[a large yellow blur to dive toward them.] - that almost reminds me of a shooting star, or a comet coming towards you (like GX tended to have).
[He had enough for all of us… and we used him. ] - wow, what a shocking sentence.
You never mention Sparrowmon actually landing. :)
[hissed a high, usually excitable voice.] - comma after excitable.
Lol, I always thought Sparrowmon was a girl. Whoops, my bad.
[Yuu winced. "Please Sparrowmon, we need to get back to Nee-san!"] - what exactly makes Yuu concerned; if Sparrowmon's climbing into the sky, isn't that a good thing?
[chasing the quickly flying Digimon down the earth.] - not sure quite what you mean there.
Taiki's got super-awesome hearing to be able to hear Sparrowmon when the other's that high. Wind would get in the way.
This red light is very confusing - in a good way. I want to know what it is already. :) And "vanished"? Literally. Hmm...wonder what all that's on about.
| reminiscent-afterthought chapter 4 . 8/23/2013
Originally, it was hard to tell whether your usual customary quote extended to the second line or if it was an attack. :) Same formatting and all.
Of course Zenjirou would spring up waving his sword, and of course /something/ would happen. A rather dramatic entrance for Zenjirou; I don't know whether I was expecting it or not.
["Not when you're trying to shatter Nene-san's heart!"] - I'm honestly a little disappointed in Zenjirou for that statement; Nene is a little far away, considering.
Aww, Zenjirou has to hesitate there. ["Murder for murder isn't like… you."] Shows the different between past and present.
["Not when you're trying to shatter Nene-san's heart!"] - with a page break, it almost sounds like another person is playing it.
["Useless, my ass!"] - Lol. Zenjirou's not one to beat around the bush, is he?
Your current Taiki carries some parallels to the past-Yuu; I wonder what sort of influence you've had on them both. DarkKnightmon? Or something...else? And I wonder how Kiriha comes into this then.
You've defined the characters by now, but not the world. That's an interesting way to start things, especially when it veers off canon. I personally tend to go the other way, so as a result I've got a whole bunch of questions waiting to be (hopefully) answered by future drabbles. :)
["Indeed, but hope isn't enough anymore." ] - I wonder if the old Taiki is still inside there; that sounded almost melanchonic. Or maybe an echo.
| Edhla chapter 31 . 8/22/2013
This was awesome, Aiko. This took me back to winter mornings drying my hair in front of the heater, watching cartoons while my mother bitched at me to hurry up and get ready for school :-D
"Just drop it and let it break." Not for the first or last time, I'm confused and intrigued :-)
"The fire roared at them like a lion." I am so jealous that you wrote this simile and I didn't!
"The floating embers struck Kiriha in the arm.." First class description here. Something that would really happen - and I wouldn't have considered it until you said. I particularly love how you write from so many sensory viewpoints, not just visual and aural.
"Kudo Taiki!" Not sure if this is Japanese fail or Digimon fail on my part :-) Didn't spoil my enjoyment of the scene, though :-)
"He's killing his own army... not very practical..." And horribly cruel, his mind reminded him" Missed a full stop here... And neatly observed, with the strong implication that horrible cruelty trumps practicality when you are a psychotic villain.
"The other voice's mental snarl..." I have to confess, I'm totally confused by this phrasing!
"Almost one hundred percent screwed man..." Loved this hard :-D Breaks the tension nicely. I think a comma after 'screwed' though :-)
"Taiki rolled onto dead grass and spat green from his mouth." I am in love with this sentence. It's perfect, particularly the use of "green" as a noun.
"It is never too late, General of Blue Flare." Damn. Where do I enlist for this cause? :-D
| reminiscent-afterthought chapter 3 . 8/21/2013
Interesting how you can make these drabbles start in the middle of scenes and yet still make perfect sense.
[the pink rabbit trying to hug her in his own futile way.] - comfort maybe? "hugs" being futile is a little strange when it's Akari holding her. If Nene's pacing, I highly doubt they're restrained in any way.
Aww, Cutemon's cute "kyu" makes its way in too. And a nice image with the house of cards.
Akari's little speech confuses me a little, to be honest. When she refers to "him", she's referring to Taiki right? But the last bit clashes with the bit at the beginning a little; she energizes him, and she would help him be beaten/die? It would be better to help him sleep wouldn't it? Unless he's talking to the pre-brainwashed Taiki.
I really like the portrayal of fear in this piece, and how you've portrayed that there isn't really any distinction between the two sides. Nene doesn't appear to blame Taiki or his decision; Akari is torn between them and who knows what's going through Zenjirou's mind. And how Taiki's famous trait comes through in the end there. And I like the portrayal of both these characters as well; the subtle differences between Akari and Nene come out quite strongly here.
And now I really want to know how Taiki wound up in his state, particularly since there's no implication about the others.
| ReadingBlueWolf chapter 31 . 8/20/2013
What’s supposed to drop and break? I love the line about the fire roaring at them. That was super cool and such a good a simile. Who’s X7? Is that Shoutmon? So Bagramon is killing his own army? That’s horrible. I can’t believe that. I like the fact you touch on the fact that he has faith in no one. I think that’s really neat and a great way to set up for what may be coming because of that. So, Taiki is sending everyone through the portal while he continues to fight Bagramon? I like the relationship between Taiki and Shoutmon. So many bad things are going on and the two of them are cracking jokes. Great use of humor. I like that the Code Crown talks. That is really funny to me. And I’m super confused as to what’s going on or why Bagramon was counting with them. I missed a lot. Is Shoutmon Omegamon or is this a new character? I don’t understand but I’m really liking this! I’m dying to know what happens.
| Edhla chapter 30 . 8/19/2013
LOL, which comment did you not mind, was it the one where epithets are the work of Satan himself? ;)
Anyway, nearly at the end, so nearly :D (And then I might actually have to review the stuff you ask for. I'm so beleaguered. :D)
I love the connection between the chapter title, the quote and the opening line. To even the playing field, you have to remove the barrier, right? I'm a little confused about why Shoutmon's roar is not right, but I'm going to assume that it's because I am canon blind.
"Red ran down each finger." I immediately assumed this was blood, and it's such a strong image I'd be tempted to leave the paragraph on the word "finger."
"Looking horribly disconcerted." This read a little awkwardly to me; again I'm wondering if just the frown would be OK.
I LOVE the Saturday-morning-cartoon dialogue. It fits perfectly. I think I may actually have to explore this fandom. "An army of biting dinosaurs..." yep. Definitely sounds better than nothing. I'd take that.
"Oh shit..." "Oh, shit..."
I love that you left this on an OH CRAP moment... as if it's gone to a commercial break. I'm getting popcorn for the last showdown :D xx
| ReadingBlueWolf chapter 30 . 8/18/2013
I love the line about smashing a wall when it comes to the title of barriers. That is awesome. Who’s bleeding? Is that Taiki? I like that Taiki doesn’t say he’s got secret powers and I love that he doesn’t tell them all he can do. He just keeps it simple with nothing more than we already have. It definitely hints that there’s more but he’s just keeping that to himself. Something bad’s going to go down. I’ve been saying this for chapters now, but every chapter just confirms it. This “That warning is just” shifted tenses. Did you mean that warning was just enough? I’m glad the loader saved him. I’m wondering how they’re going to get creative. Oh, so dinosaurs with flying spears. Well, that’s definitely creative. Whoa! What happened there at the end? That doesn’t sound pleasant. They can do things like that? Wait, that seems so unfair! I keep cheering for Shoutmon, but that last little thing didn’t seem to go his way! What?!
| Edhla chapter 29 . 8/17/2013
Ha! One of your most left-field opening quotes ever, but I'm pumped to see where you're going to go with it. I love that wry, semi-fourth-waller of "it clearly wasn't." Yuu: master of the obvious :D Love that you describe it as an "insane pressure"; again, a bit of an aikoism that you now have to produce on cue ;)
"A tornado of data." Excellent. I can see this, I really can.
Oh, Bagramon is so smug. Give up, dude.
"Shoutmon snorted,watching..." Site ate yer space.
Bro. I lol'd. Is that canon? That's hilarious. :D That being said, I'd change "you are" to "you're" there; I just think it'd flow better. I love kick-ass Shoutmon though. The "bludgeon" bit... yikes. He doesn't mess around.
"Good job, Yuu." FEELS, AIKO. Also loved the detail of the flashing in time with his pulse.
"Illusion together all right?" A million points for not using "alright." I love you so much right now. :D I'd put a comma after "together", though.
Woo! Teamwork and a bit of bromance. *Bounces up and down in seat* :D
| ReadingBlueWolf chapter 29 . 8/16/2013
Wait, Shoutmon was dead? Are you keeping him dead? I kind of like him from what little I’ve seen. :/ I don’t want him to be dead. I don’t like when characters die. Okay, that was a weird opening line about rock-n-roll. I wasn’t expecting that. This means he’s back right? At least in your fic. I have no knowledge of this fandom and you’ve gotten me to care about Taiki and Shoutmon. The other ones are okay, but I love those two. I love how Shoutmon gets in there and goes after Bagramon. That’s awesome. I think that is one of the best moments I’ve read in this. Why does Shoutmon rule this place though? I don’t like what’s going on with Taiki. I’m worried about him. Like really worried since he gave Yuu his digimon. This doesn’t end happy does it? I like how Taiki is giving Yuu strength and courage. However, I can tell I’m not going to like this one. Six away now…
| reminiscent-afterthought chapter 2 . 8/16/2013
It used to be a world with stars.
He did. ] - because of the sentence in the middle, the "he did" doesn't really link with the bit of dialogue before.
It took me a moment to realise you meant that it was Taiki doing the waiting and Yuu that had spoke.
A very interesting scene youve set up here. Sort of like a fight-to-the-death, but loaded with metaphorics.
It's a little confusing when you're switching between characters in the same paragraph. Even if Taiki doesn't speak in reply, he still acts in reply so I find it easier to follow that as if you treat it as alternating bits of dialogue. Eg.
["Taiki-san..." he said...something?
The other cocked his head, patient.
"Why are you doing this?"]
"Black gaze" huh. Intersting; I wonder if it's the lighting or has the brown truly vanished from there. And Taiki's words there...*shivers* Scarily believable too.
[Taiki said to him; his voice pleasant] comma instead of a semicolon. And no spaces after most of those ellipses. It's only when the two become separate sentences. If the ellipses are a blank within the same sentence, then no spaces on either side of it.
I love the ending..except it's past midnight and I want to know who that voice is. :) I hope it'll come up later.
| reminiscent-afterthought chapter 1 . 8/15/2013
I've been meaning to read this for ages, but I keep on misplacing the link.
Interesting setting; I never really thought what would happen if the D5 had been successful.
In terms of your beginning, I would suggest bolding your chapter title or centering it so that it's a little clearer from the actual text. I can't really tell whether the line that follows it is a flashback/thought or if it's a quote related to the title (some authors do do that after all). Particularly since it reads distinctly frm the second line, despite their content being related.
[It was a dream where he was taller] - now that's interesting. I'm guessing this is the Hunter's world that he's dreaming about there. It certainly falls into the picture of it. [He was ordinary, he was a sportsman.] - I'd put a semicolon there instead of a comma.
Eep, what's Taiki doing? Soul dead or brainwashed? It's interesting to see how Yuu respects Taiki still; I wonder what the backstory there is. I imagine Yuu would have had at least some contact with the normal Taiki.
[The wisps settled themselves into a small, twisting orb as he added. "Perhaps you will be able to keep dreaming."] - I think a comma instead of a fullstop after "added".
A very interesting drabble to start things off with; you don't confirm whether he lives or dies, don't provide the context for Taiki's behaviour...though, if I remember correctly, Yuu joined Xros Heart before the D5 was decided.
[Even now, even though it was now a deep, abyssal black, those eyes were still gentle. ] - this line is my favourite. :) Taiki is still Taiki after all, and you've captured that beautifully.
| Edhla chapter 28 . 8/15/2013
"Hard to be brave." Oh yes, indeed. That's what bravery is - if it's not difficult, if it doesn't scare you, you haven't really been brave.
"It would taint him..." although I still know very little about this fandom, that's a rather apt description of the repercussions of any real addiction.
Wow, Nene's little speech kind of did my head in. :D "And you did" was a genuine wham line and stopped me dead in my tracks, but she was certainly right in saying she could take the Darkness Loader and there isn't really a damn thing Yuu could do to prevent her. And Yuu's wondering if he was really "such a monster" is very nicely done, too. That moment where you have to sit and assess yourself. Nobody's really a bad guy in their own head, but sometimes you see things from someone else's perspective and think... well, crap.
Akari's pep talk is also really nicely written, but I thought there were a lot of ellipses... which made... it a little... choppier than I prefer :) YMMV, as it's a style thing and not objectively wrong.
Still loving this :)
| darkaccalia520 chapter 7 . 8/14/2013
Oh, wow! This was really profound! I really love that this focuses on Taiki since there were so many questions about him in the last chapter. I found it a little creepy...but maybe in a good way...that he's smiling over the fact he'll never leave that dimension. Is it because he's so bent on evil, I wonder? But I really liked the part about the voices there. It was really well done. For such a short piece, it says so much! But anyway, I love that the voices are contradictory. It's almost as if he's in his own personal hell. Was that the point? Oh, gosh,the last line was absolutely awesome! I don't even know what to say except that it's beautiful. Really sad and beautiful. Well done! :)