|Reviews for At Peace|
| Edhla chapter 12 . 6/24/2013
I wish it wasn't a Monday, tooooooo. :( Well, here it'll be Tuesday in fifteen minutes, but anyway, I feel your A/N. Didja ever make up for your terseness? :D
"Large, cavernous ceiling..." I like the imagery you're implementing here, but I can't help wondering if less is more- "cavernous" implies size, so it might be stronger if you just go with "cavernous ceiling"?
"To be concerned about the potential weakness"- this bit is a little vague, which weakens it; I'd consider something less nebulous, particularly for the end of the sentence. :)
"Whisper" and "growl" didn't gel together very well in my head, but I absolutely love the use of the word "lonely" between "deep" and "growl." *Burns with jealousy.*
"Slightly haughty but still gentle" doesn't convey much to me; if it were mine, I'd keep it to "an obscene giggle" which I completely love. :D I'm a little confused about Taiki's being "chosen", but I'm sure that's a canon issue I'm ignorant about. I like the creepiness of the growling, though the sarcastic "you know..." part doesn't translate in my head to "growl"; which I'm sure is my fault. :)
"In the middle of heartbeats, one of them said" - AIKO I FREAKING LOVE THIS. Even though there should be a comma after said, I don't mind, IT IS AWESOME.
And again, massively thoughtful, satisfying ending. You. Rock. So. Much. x
| Edhla chapter 11 . 6/23/2013
The three openers there are particularly interesting, and more than a little confusing ( ;) )because I have no idea whether the first line is a thought or a line of dialogue, and I have no idea who's saying what :D I love how you're all about the ambiguity in general, but I'm wondering whether more clarity is needed her.
"I threw them..." he WHUT? Oh, wow. Those are the thoughts and words of a true psychopath.
"Almost widening..." I'd take out "almost" here, but I may be misreading it! I really like the "cheeks like knives" part, though. Aiko, how do you do this?
"Horribly piqued." Great word-couplet.
"Ta then." And this is one of the reasons I have always loved your work. I really just can't tell when you're going to throw something like this in. Keeps me on my very amused and entertained toes.
"Even a fallen to hell..." Bit confused by this bit, Aiko :)
"It returned in a place..." I love the way you express the vaguely creepy.
Shoutmon? I shouldn't smile, as I've no doubt it's canon, but... really? Shoutmon? Bless. :)
Again, wham!line at the end. I love this stuff, Aiko. Well done x
| Edhla chapter 10 . 6/20/2013
Well damn, if that isn't one of your patented holy-crap openers (pun not intended in this instance.) And the idea of the air being "crimson with his rage" is magnificent imagery. I'm not entirely sure if that's meant to be literal or not, but I like it all the same :)
"On a throne of barbs" Again, I love it. Is this... literal? Because it's one hell of a mental image.
"Confident was he"- I know what you were going for here, but I'm not sure it worked for me... it kind of mentally tripped me a little. "He was confident" flows a little better, I think; otherwise I love the characterisation of a quietly angry Bagramon.
"Red eyes"- again, as someone who's canon-blind, this is just too cool, especially when you point out that he's a "mere human."
"The new world awaits us," I can't think of a better expression of hope.
"You shouldn't reach..." That's the problem with telepaths, they don't always mind their own business when they need to :p
"You are not a person." JEEZ. That's chilling. And brilliant. And so is the last line. I continue to love this x
| Green Phantom Queen chapter 6 . 6/15/2013
"Are you okay?" That is a difficult question to ask. For the short-term, yes, Yuu is all right. But for the long term...no. They are not ok because they're still suffering from this madness and have no idea how long it's going to last.
Taiki is suffering from the loss of Shoutmon. I remember poor Jeri from Tamers and what happened to Leomon and that was painful. So Taiki is just doing this destruction habits due to the pain in his heart, right? that's what I'm getting.
Nena's lines on her brother trying to 'know' Taiki was interesting. No matter how much we spend time with a person, there are times we will never understand everything about them. It is very poignant and that last part "I know he still does" is contradicting. They know that he wants to help, but is that all that they truly know? It's very philosophical.
We're not getting close to these mysteries so all we can do is trek on. Let's see where this goes.
| ReadingBlueWolf chapter 16 . 6/15/2013
I felt a bit confused in the beginning. Was it being said that Taiki being abandoned wasn’t it? I wasn’t quite sure about that part. I liked the fact that Taiki is crazy. I thought that was really well done. The fact he laughed when he was being attacked by Kiriha was a great way to show just how crazy he’s become. It’s similar to the Joker from Batman. I thought there was some over emphasis on Taiki’s eyes as well. You’ve made a really good point that he’s not him and his eyes are different, but it seems to be bordering over usage for me. Awww, I was hoping to get answers about Taiki. I like that Akari walked toward him and was unafraid despite the events that were going on. I like how she wants the truth, she wants to know. I feel the same way. I was partly surprised that he took just Akari. I was hoping they all might go. I’m worried for her now.
| ReadingBlueWolf chapter 15 . 6/14/2013
This is longer than most of the others. I’m excited! I like the subtle mention of Taiki’s eyes being unfocused. I like how you go about explain this isn’t Taiki. He’s obviously possessed or something. I was slightly confused about what happened with Taiki. Did he disappear? It doesn’t seem like it since he’s talking later on. Was Yuu just frozen by fear for a moment? I like that Nene wants to fight Taiki. I also like that you call her a mother bear. The way she’s protecting Yuu and the fact she wants to fight off the guy chasing her brother clearly shows she is just like a mother bear. I felt a little blow when Nene asked about Shoutmon. I like the almost suspension of time going on as they wait for Taiki to react. And despite Taiki not being in his own frame of mind, you can almost feel the cracks at the edges of his mentality. Wait, does Akari know what it’s like to be abandoned or did she abandon Taiki? Also, I feel really bad that he was let alone after Shoutmon died. That’s horrible.
| Edhla chapter 9 . 6/14/2013
So Aiko, I have this thing where I LOVE reviewing you but I feel like a prat when I do because I keep saying the same things over and over and... over :D It's testament to the consistent quality of your work, but it doesn't make me feel like I'm being all helpful.
OOH I have something to be helpful about. "Blonde" is feminine; "blond" is masculine. Either way, you know how I feel about epithets, especially those based on hair colour.
I am the world's worst user of commas, but I did blink at the one after "up here" and wonder if it needed to be there, somewhere else, or not exist at all :D
"The former"- technically correct, but if this were mine I'd repeat "irony" just to keep things tight.
"Flinch in surprise or terror." If this were mine, I'd cut it down. "Kiriha didn't even flinch." Most people would recognise a flinch as surprise or fear, anyway. You'd then have an unintentional poem with "flinch" and "inch", but you could cut the "inch" down to "unwilling to budge" if you wanted to.
I like the way you've constructed Taiki's speech, this impression of him prattling on at a severely unimpressed and mostly silent Kiriha.
"Brunette"- brunet is the masculine. And OMG AIKO EPITHETS. ;)
Slight confused as to whose line the last one is, and by the punctuation. But it's a strong ending and I loved seeing "at peace" worked in there. Lovely work x
| Madam'zelleGiry chapter 2 . 6/11/2013
I really liked the way that you used repitition to your advantage at the beginning of the piece with the word "used" because it really helped to put me in the right mood to begin to go through the drabble. It was almost like a pulse, kind of like how trailers fade in and out with their clips. (Yeeah, not such a good wording there on my part, but hopefully you get the picture) It struck me as very interesting, and very well done. An excellent choice of style!
"This time, however..." As one who doesn't know these characters at all, I was really intrigued at the way that you described this particular character. The only thing that I might suggest for there was that I had a little bit of trouble getting a real sense of just how he felt. It seems that "bitter" might be a good word, but it might be worth going back and adding or taking away or both to give us a closer look at the workings of his mind. It certainly stands well the way that it is, but it just occured to me that you might take it a step farther if you really wanted to.
"...red light receded..." I do find these little things to be absolutely fascinating. There's some literal quality to it, but it also has something mystical. Very interesting and really help to give me a unique view of what's happening.
"Who was he?" Another excellent piece of characterization. So many questions to be answered. There's a certain amount of skill required to be able to leave us with questions in a way that isn't annoying. It seems right not to have the knowledge, even without any background information for the piece.
And I loved that you ended the piece on a well-chosen question. Simply lovely.
The chapter title fit into this one nicely. I enojyed it, and I look forward to the next piece. Well done and keep up the great work!
| ReadingBlueWolf chapter 14 . 6/11/2013
I like the line of tears were a weapon. There is such a truth in that. So many people twist tears into what they need for them. It’s sad. I love how you explained them to be like a pristine, frail diamond. That was a really lovely image. I like the comment about there being nothing wrong with weakness. While normally it’s true, I wonder if the speaker is going to twist that as well. With the way the idea of the tears is twisted already, I wouldn’t be surprised if the weakness comment follows. I was a bit confused on who this is between, but that’s only because I’m not exactly up to date on digimon. I like the details in the longer speech tag. It makes me wonder why no one would accept the person with the diamond soul—and partly what that means. It must be something important since the speaker will wait an eternity for their decision. I think it might be Taiki that is being spoken to, but I’m not for sure. I really liked this one though. I liked the simplicity of it. It gave me a lot to wonder about.
| Verran chapter 3 . 6/10/2013
I'm still not quite sure what's going on here, but it's good to get a different perspective. So, Nene is Yuu's elder sister, and Taiki is Akari's best friend. And although there was some vague description of where they were, all there was, was a black doorway and some dirt, nothing else. I did find it difficult to visualise whether they were in a building or a tent.
I'm also curious what the 'smiling shell' is, whether she's referring to Taiki's body, or whatever place Taiki and Yuu are in now.
Just a small niggle, but it is a trap that many writers fall into, and that's referring to characters as 'the blonde', 'the redhead', 'the brunette', and so on too much. We can get away with identifying characters by their names more frequently than we realise, and there are other, more varied ways of identifying them, too.
Well, I'm still confused, but I'm sticking with it, as I'm beginning to see that pieces will start to fit together soon. Nicely written.
| persevera chapter 3 . 6/9/2013
You're able to give a lot of information about the relationships in just a few words. Yuu is Nene's little brother and Akari's best friend. The two women/girls(?) used to antagonistic but now they're friends and both very worried about Yuu, who they know is at the mercy (or lack thereof) of Taiki.
So the general's new evil isn't a revelation to Yuu at this point; it's already known to all of them. As this is another fandom of which I'm ignorant, I wonder how that evil has previously manifested itself. I'm also curious what is meant by the "smiling shell."
[Tears dripped onto her smile.]- This is a very good phrase, just because of the image it creates, and also because it gives a clear idea of how Akari feels—fearful but trying to put the best spin on the situation and trying to reassure Nene, who appears to be a near basket case right now.
[If it would help him to be beaten… or even to die, I… I would do that."] Dialogue in the heat of the moment, of course, won't be precise, but when first reading this line, I thought Akari was saying if it would help for Yuu to be beaten. I thought she might have had the same opinions as Taiki.
Again, you do well at distinguishing the central theme or emotion in your chapter from the others, while maintaining the flow. Good job with that.
| Lazerwolf314 chapter 1 . 6/9/2013
Interesting first chapter. I don't really know what to make of it and I do think this is perhaps partly the length of this. In the beginning, I assumed it was a drabble, then I recognized that it was part of a bigger picture and now I'm unsure if its a prologue or the actual first chapter. Although I do blame a bit of my confusion largely on my lack of knowledge of this fandom.
Otherwise, excellent work on fitting what details you did in this short space. I personally it could be a stand alone one shot; it's that good. It's dark and gritty and haunting, a type of fic I love reading. Absolutely beautiful imagery; I almost shivered at it, it was that vivid.
I would certainly like to find out more.
[His body shook with an ocean wave.] - My only nitpick is here. For some reason, all I can see once I read this line is that, boom, suddenly the characters are in a literal ocean and getting pushed around and I think that you were trying for something different. My suggestion would be to change the phrase to 'his body shook with an ocean of waves' because one word can make a large amount of difference. Of course you could actually have them in an ocean and I read this all wrong...
| persevera chapter 2 . 6/9/2013
Tense is certainly a good word for this chapter, as you build it through Yuu's and Taiki's conversation and Yuu's tracking of the red light. It's especially true because Taiki seems to have changed. As Yuu observes, he's no longer a kind hearted man, so his new cold killer persona adds more strain to Yuu's situation. But apparently Taiki sees Yuu's death right now as a good thing for him, just another phase, evidenced by this phrase, [[I at least… would like this hunt to end… and for everything to begin again.]- That's very natural for some people's development—to become a bit darker, while still thinking that what they're doing is for someone's own good, or is that just a little self-justification?
[He did. That was something Taiki just did, Yuu realized. He allowed these little things.]- This sentence didn't make much sense after the sentence about the world with stars. Maybe to separate the thoughts from the narration, you might want to put the 'It used tos..." in italics.
[Yuu gathered bravado he never thought he had]- I like this phrase. It makes me think of him putting on a bravado cloak or something, so that he can challenge the ideas of Taiki, who holds his life in his hands.
It will be interesting to see who Yuu is talking to at the end.
| ReadingBlueWolf chapter 13 . 6/7/2013
On a completely unrelated side note: I always jump at the chance to tag you because despite not knowing the fandom, I really, really love this. My goal is to catch up on this.
I like the opening. The word tune in that case can mean so many things. I like that Yuu is having trouble sleeping. With everything that happened to him, I’d be worried if nothing was wrong with him. I like that he feels his sister’s hand. The “Sister…” Was that a thought? If it was, I wish it had been in italics. For me, I understand it more.
I love the thoughts about his sister. Those are really lovely especially the “bled and cried”. It really speaks to who she is as a person. I like how the thoughts of Taiki show up as well. I think it shows Yuu’s personality that despite what Taiki did, Yuu still wonders why Taiki acted that way. He wants more of an answer than what he sees at face value.
Okay, I’m wondering if Taiki is really there, or if Yuu is seeing things. He must be real. He’s dropping something off. (And this made me think of a UPS guy) I’m worried about why he’s waiting. I like Yuu. I don’t want anything to happen to him.
Okay, I love how you bring the theme of song through this. It really made the ending awesome. I’m anxious to see what’s going on! I want to know!
| Xros-Hero chapter 36 . 6/7/2013
Oooh, a build-up to the Hunters arc! This was an really great story. Hope you do more like this.