|Reviews for black blood luffy|
| Guest chapter 2 . 8/9/2014
Its okay I wish ur computer will get fixed very soon
| doubledamn chapter 2 . 9/14/2013
Damn. Hope you get you laptop back soon, there are too many stories that have left abandoned (Damn you Animanic Dude, why did you leave The Will of D.? Why?!) Hope you update soon.
| doubledamn chapter 1 . 9/14/2013
Interesting, seems to be a good opportunity for Hancock to get some, if the Imp is like the classic demons in any way...
If he gets released of the seatsone in Impel Down things will get very... fun.
| Guest chapter 2 . 6/5/2013
please update soon :(
| Nispedana chapter 2 . 5/7/2013
Awwwww. Too bad. T_T My condolences. xD
Anyway, I'll be sending 'give it back damnit' vibes to thy step-dad.
| Nispedana chapter 1 . 5/7/2013
Very interesting pilot chapter! But is this a crossover? I suggest you put in the right category, perhaps you'll get more readers? XD
Anyway, this is good so far. And off to the next! xDD
| Guest chapter 2 . 4/9/2013
aww i thought it was a new chapter :(
oh well, I can't wait for the next chapter though!
| Guest chapter 1 . 4/1/2013
YES! PLEASE update! This is the first type of story I've read like this, and I've been looking for something like this FOREVER! PLEASE MAKE A NEW CHAPTER!
| Phayzer chapter 1 . 3/31/2013
Wow. That was cwool! Pleas continue? :)
| Red-Chili-Bean chapter 1 . 3/31/2013
The idea behind this crossover is interesting and unique. It is rare that these sorts of crossovers play out this way, what with most of them being more or less a character meet and greet, so you get some admiration for originality. At the same time however there are certain elements of the writing itself that I want to address.
First this is first is how the story is written as far as spacing and grammar go. Your spacing was rather good at the start of the story but then we go into a rather large and cluttered thought paragraph towards the middle, followed by another somewhat smaller sizable paragraph. There are a few reasons people (including you) do these and a few real simple way to avoid these :3
You may recall that I called that paragraph a thought paragraph, that means the basis of the paragraph is a characters thought or reaction to a circumstance. (In this case what the Imp said) These sorts of paragraphs get real cluttered real easily. A thought paragraph shouldn't be so much stating what the character is thinking (or feeling) as much as it is showing what the character is feeling. In a way it is going into depth about the feelings. (Don't worry, I will give you an example.)
Lets say that someone has a run in with a person who beat them up one night. What would that person feel? Anxious, scared, and nervous right? He is feeling this way cause he remembers the related feelings (pain and fear) that he remembers because of the person. After that, once he is caught up in his emotions, things might begin to remind him of that night. (That light is flickering like the light in the alley, there is a trash can like the one he shoved me into, etc) Hopefully that makes some sense.
In the story example it is a little different, he isn't in a situation that bares resemblance to another situation (as in my example) instead kinda reminiscing on feelings he has been having lately. The remembering part isn't as intense so the whole recounting of the events seems out of place. Then you switch over to a separate thought stream with his nakama which should be given its own paragraph.
Although an example can be seen in the paragraph I have been mentioning but it is also seen through out the chapter, when you have dialogue you should make it start its own paragraph. Another thing to point out is that any action the character does while saying dialogue should be placed in the same sentence after the dialogue.
As an example the sentence 'Luffy balled up his fists, shaking with silent rage. "Don't bring my nakama into this; it has nothing to do with them!"' would instead be written as "Don't bring my nakama into this; it has nothing to do with them!" Luffy growled through gritted teeth, his fists starting to tremble from rage. (Hope you don't mind me rewriting the sentence.) There are a few similar simple repeated grammar mistakes I will now mention, please bear with me.
Names of important places and people should be capitalized (such as Imp and Impel Down). There was also an instance at the beginning where you split up some dialogue through the paragraph, in that case you should put a hyphen at the end of the first part of the speech. Then when the speech picks up again start the sentence with a capital. Usually when people break apart their sentences they start up again on a new sounding note right? Same with characters. (Once again, hope that makes sense.)
Last thing before I move onto your next topic, you should break into the story with personal interjections like you did the third to last chapter. It really messed up the flow of the story and I was actually pretty confused by it. If it is really important you can star it (put a (*) at the end of the sentence) and mention it at the author's ending note but you should never out those sort of notes in the writing itself.
Alright, there is one more minor more story/fandom related thing I want to touch on then I am done (promise.) First thing, Black Blood isn't demon blood. It is a medical blood made by Medusa which induces madness in those infected by it. The little demon in Soul is a manifestation of his personal madness, if a different person was infected by the Black Blood chances are they would have a slightly different more personal little demon rather than the same one, although this may manifest more in personality than appearance. I suppose at this point that is just food for the thought but it might be good to know in later chapters.
I hope you don't find this review discouraging, the idea is rather interesting and I hope you don't give up on it :3 I wasn't much better when I was starting out and the idea is a really good and really unique one. (I love it when people spin characters and a Soul Eater insane Luffy is one I have never seen before.) If you want me to clarify something (or explain it better) feel free to send me a private message :3 Keep on writing.
| Asylumurderess chapter 1 . 3/31/2013
Hello me, love the story
| SimpleLaces chapter 1 . 3/31/2013
Interesting so far and I'd like to read more .
I loved soul eater, read the manga in like 5 days and I also loved One Piece so this is totally up my alley.
I like how Luffy wasn't too Occ, to me I don't really think Luffy would care if some little imp was talking in his ear xD
Anyways, nice story and I hope you post more soon (::)