Reviews for Dragonfire
Pollardinator chapter 59 . 6/27/2014
Its taken me a lot of long reading sessions over time but finally I've finished and can give you a full and proper review to the best of my ability. Firstly I have to say that the overall story line was great,with the intertwining story lines, character viewpoints and general sense that this event went beyond only a few people. The battle scenes were on the whole exciting and well thought out,with each having their own little quirk to make them different. The majority of the characters,both official and OC ,were well rounded and each had an individual and unique way of looking at the story. However there were quite a few points I felt needed work, and ,since it's been a while since i read some of these chapters, this list isnt complete and may not be entirely accurate, and if that is the case with any of them i apologise.

-Firstly, I get that this a war story and all,but many of the battles just melded into each other and became almost formulaic. In the words of Legate Rikke most battles were literally just 'Archers fire at will! Everyone head to the gate!' There was no real sense that these were proper armies. Cavalry and archer support were pretty nonexistent,while the only infantry tactics seemed to be 'charge blindly like Skyrim bandit AIs'. And,especially at the beginning ,most of the battles were just 'Draugr appear, charge city/army,kill them'. There was no back and forth,no brief intervals where both sides pull their forces back to regroup,or ,in the case of city sieges, the defenders actually doing anything beyond raining down arrows. Admittedly some battles were a bit different (The Winterhold one especially was a stand out. The sense of desperation was almost real there.) but on the whole the scale of these engagements,and how they went about,just seemed wrong.
- The scale. Following on from my previous point,although you said that there were X number of soldiers fighting, I didnt get a sense that there really were thousands of troops on the battlefield. It felt like there were a few hundred at best. I think the main problem here was that,as i said above,there was no real sense of planning or tactics in the battles. E.g. the Battle of Whiterun Plains- You said there were 40,000 imperial cavalry,but it didnt feel like it at all. There was no mention of blocks of cavalry,different types supporting each other (e.g. light,heavy,archers etc.) The only image i had in my minds eye was just a wave of Imperial sldiers charging an equally large block of Draugr. You need to really work on your battle scenes. Don't just tell me that people are fighting ,make me feel it. Give me both a sweeping sense of scale (Focusing on the whole battle/ large formations fighting one another) then bring it right back to the POV character (Them fighting in their own unit against individual foes of their own)
- Some of your OCs really didnt get enough time to grow. Prince Vaeril was interesting,but his death didnt mean anything to me because any sense of characterisation went out the window as soon as the main action started. Same with Mychael. They were interesting characters,dont get me wrong, but you just didnt give them enough time to grow and become their own people.
- Some of the city sieges lacked any logic. Windhelm and Markarth are,in game and in lore, two of the greatest fortresses in Skyrim,and yet somehow they fall after about an hours worth of fighting. Windhelm is the city of Ysgramor! It has stood against all enemies, including Daedra during the Oblivion Crisis. Its walls are almost unassailable,its gate as thick as a castle wall. The same for Markarth. The only Dwemer city on the surface,never breached by the Nords for centuries,taken out by one crumbling Draugr battering ram? This city was built by the most technologically advanced civillisation in Tamriel's history and yet you have characters dismissing it as if it was some kind of crappy fort. Dwemer cities are built to be fortresses. If the Ancient Nords couldnt breach the city when they were alive,how can they do it when they're decaying corpses? It would have been much more interesting to see these two cities under siege for a long period of time,then be reinforced by the Legion. If a pile of rubble like Fort Greymoor can hold out for weeks, whiy can't two of the greatest fortresses in Skyrim? I'm sorry but thats the equivalent of historians now saying that Stalingrad 'was a bit of a problem for the Nazis.'
- Kohnarik was a pretty boring villain to be perfectly honest. He barely turned up and the vast majority of his book time was a pointless and boring monologue. The fight between him and Valor was excellent (Especially when Miraak got involved) but he did nothing until then except fly around on a dragon for a bit and invade Valor's dreams. If your villain literally just appears at the last chapter,you have a problem.
- For a multi-viewpoint story, Valor got way too much time. I know that you like writing him and yes,his chapters were interesting. But as soon as he arrived all the rest of the story just revolved around him and him alone. Even Rikke, Vaeril and Serana's chapters were just them hanging around with him. Towards the end i got the feeling that the beginning of the story,where Valor is absent,was just a lot of waiting around for him to come and inevitably save everyone.

Besides those points i think you have a decent and well written story,especially considering (If your profile and author's notes were correct), you're barely into teenage hood. However there's still a long way for you to go. Keep working at it ,keep writing away and you should be very good soon enough. Hope i helped and,if you have any questions or grievances with what I'v written, just drop me a message. Looking forward to reading the sequel soon enough!
DovahRonaan chapter 15 . 6/25/2014
"Meager animal"? Mychael doesn't know much about wolves.
Me chapter 60 . 4/9/2014
I prefer Dragonfire, actually, but Dragonsoul is great too! Both of them turned out great. Dragonfire & Dragonsoul inspired me to start writing fanfictions...in a year to two years i might actually have an account-when I get to be thirteen years old, im ten right now. Anyway, after Dragonsoul will there be a sequel?...I hope so!
Guest chapter 5 . 4/3/2014
I just want you to know, I do NOT want the dovahkiin to be a vampire. Good read though, but just, no vampire
Duesal Bladesinger chapter 60 . 4/3/2014
There's nothing to thank me for. YOU'RE the one who wrote the story. YOU breathed life into these characters. YOU orchestrated three consecutive wars.

Come on, man. Give yourself a bit more credit.
Justinbieber3 chapter 57 . 3/23/2014
Gay
Omega Gilgamesh chapter 3 . 2/14/2014
Couldn't remember Mralki's name, eh?
Omega Gilgamesh chapter 2 . 2/14/2014
Yeah, an undead army would suck royally. Living armies move on their stomachs and require a constant stream of supplies, from food to medicines to clean water to refill their water skins and replacements for any equipment damaged along the way, in order to survive when you're on the move, and they need to protect their supply lines and the fortifications that support them. An undead army, however, wouldn't have any of those problems, giving them a HUGE advantage in long term campaigns.
Gallantmon7196 chapter 59 . 2/8/2014
I really liked this story. You had a lot of the major elements of the skyrim story line while also putting in a few of your own. Your characters were really well thought out and done over all.
Isla-Robin-295 chapter 59 . 1/29/2014
SUSPENCSE! thank you for bringing this great read to us all I loved it! :)
Isla-Robin-295 chapter 48 . 1/29/2014
You should of given Isran a much more painful death he deserved to be tortured.
Isla-Robin-295 chapter 34 . 1/29/2014
No I don't love Talos I'm a daedra worshiper. Your story is amazing btw :)
Isla-Robin-295 chapter 33 . 1/29/2014
Never would of guessed Apocrypha such a wonderful place though isint it.
Isla-Robin-295 chapter 14 . 1/28/2014
Cool story :) and I'm guessing Hevnoraak
Lydia Skye chapter 53 . 1/26/2014
Vaeril is dead...
he was one of my favorite characters, like the altmer(Why can't I remember his name?)
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