|Reviews for Doing the Dirty in the Dormitory|
| KILO151998 chapter 1 . 10/5/2015
Have you ever thought of breaking this into smaller paragraphs? It's kind of hard to read the way it is now. Really great, though:-)
| serenityselena chapter 1 . 11/22/2014
that was intense :)
| blade-of-the-shadows chapter 1 . 10/23/2014
I looked at this and was like o.o one big paragraph, okey, and I actually wasn't going to read it, but just for fun I happened to read the reviews and they enticed me to actually come back and read it. And I'm pretty glad I did. The only thing is the whole no space thing. I don't know if you did that purpose, or for whatever freak reason FFN scrunched it all together like that (it's happened to me and I had to go back and manually fix everything. It was horrible because I write like twelve page chapters, which is a lot more than it seems when you have to read it and remember every part you put a space) but it does kind of make it an unnecessary hassle to read. Also, and this is so not a flame, but you definitely need to have a better understanding of the human anatomy. And even then, it's kind of common sense that there is bound to be pain when something like a penis is entering a hole that is at least half the size it is with absolutely no preparation at all. Even someone who is used to sex has to be prepared a little, or at least have something a little more slippery than spit as lube. That kind of takes away from the smut, you know what I a mean?
Otherwise, I think you're an excellent writer with great skill past PWPs; you should most definitely expand on this (if you haven't already-maybe I'll check out your profile later). I'm not a reviewer (which is so hypocritical because I hate it when people do something like favorite or follow one of my stories and don't leave a review) and in totally, I've probably left less than five reviews, and only if I really enjoyed the story. And I did. You're story is great. I just so happened to have an impulse to read a Neville/ Harry fic, and for my very first one, I must say that I am rather satisfied :) Thanks for writing this.
| FireRebel chapter 1 . 1/12/2014
Zesty fic eh
| HP-Lette-Fan chapter 1 . 11/28/2013
Dirty dirty fun times.
| FUCKYOUASSHOLE chapter 1 . 8/4/2013
Oh my gosh! I was searching for a good Neville x Harry fic and I found it. I absolutely lived this. I especially liked that you made them both take turns topping since with this couple? It can go either way in my opinion. They're just both so similar.
( F ) ( i ) ( r ) ( e ) ( b ) ( a ) ( l ) ( l ) - ( F ) ( u ) ( c ) ( h ) ( s ) ( i ) ( a )
| sleepyalicedreams chapter 1 . 8/3/2013
My on complaint is that it's one big paragraph
| Guest chapter 1 . 7/9/2013
| Consulting Time Heir chapter 1 . 5/6/2013
I hate to say it, but I doubt even a seventeen year old wizard could recover as quickly as Neville did here. Also, just pushing a penis into an anus without any preparation and with only saliva as lube would be very, very painful. And the moment I looked at this, the first thought that came to mind was: "Oof, textwall!" So please try to use paragraphs in the future.
Otherwise, my only complaint is that it's too short. I don't specifically ship Harry/Neville, but this was nice. I notice good grammar and spelling here, which is annoyingly rare, so kudos for that. You could be a very good smut writer, or possibly a good writer in general, though as this is a PWP I can't be sure how you'd handle any kind of actual plot. ;) Just try to mind human anatomy (HP has an easy loophole, there could be charms for stretching and lubricating, so you could write over that pretty easily) and human unwillingness to read one big block of words (people don't have the necessary attention spans for that, sorry).
Please don't be offended, I think you're talented, but could simply use a few tips. It's constructive criticism, rather than flaming. Don't get mad, please? I'm just trying to help. Good luck!
| Lucy Dreyar 4 Life chapter 1 . 4/30/2013
Okay, I wrote this as a dare and didn't expect anyone to read it, let alone like it. Seeing as some slightly perverted ( :) ) potterheads out there seem to enjoy it, I propose a challenge. Give me any ship from HP and I'll write a short dirty story about them.
| SweetStrawberryShortCake chapter 1 . 4/11/2013
| Soap23 chapter 1 . 4/4/2013
Interesting pairing ;)
| Sarahostervig1 chapter 1 . 4/4/2013
you need to put more blank spaces in between. this is really hard and tiring to read as it doesn't have an blank holes for the eyes to rest.