|Reviews for Batman Beyond: Neo-Gotham Knights|
| Saint Deltora chapter 17 . 4/25
suddenly there was a flash of lightening. - 'lighting'
And what are you doing standing here in the dark, - LO?
it was cleared up as there was another flash of lightening. - Again.
"And." Batman returned -LO?
A streak of lightening flashed across the sky - Again.
A streak of lightening flashed across the sky illuminating the suite - 4th time.
she was wearing a revealing black dressed - 'dress'
'181…182….183…Christ McGinnis how long does it take to scare the crap out of an old man.' - LO?
"So Mr. Wayne…Damian, how about you and I leave this dull Gala and head back to my Condominium for a nightcap." - LO?
but there also something about him that was hidden beneath the smile on his face, something that was sinister. - but there 'was'
Damian and held each other's gaze and another tense moment - Damian and 'Lincoln'
"Now what Max, - LO?
She was in the historal section, - 'historical'
There has been no proven fact that Court of Owls even exist and - That 'the' Court of Owls. Also, I think you meant 'ever existed'
Came the thunder and lightening again. - 'lighting'
"I know it's been a while and I'm like the last person you want to see but…can I please stay here for the night. - LO?
I know many of you are wondering why I would choose to move Haly's Circus here to Blüdhaven - 'Haley'
Interesting chapter... I am liking what Dick is setting himself up to do, I also liked the scene between Terry and that guy.
| Saint Deltora chapter 16 . 4/25
standing tall and strong as they used their strength to hold several more gymnast - I think it's supposed to be either "gymnasts" or "gymnastics"
'God those lights are hot' he thought to himself but he was brought out of his thought by crowd who were being dazzled by the Flying Grayson's. - By 'the' crowd
when I'm dressed like this you call me the Green Canary. Got it." - LO?
"With what." - LO?
'I just hope he answer's the call but if he doesn't then I can't really blame him.' - No need for the Apostrophe.
He glanced down and at all the people but his eyes locked onto a man that was slowly standing from his seat. - No need for the "and" here.
Brian continued his trek across the beams until hovered right over the man who was sitting in seat two two three. - I think 'he' should be put before "hovered".
Boys will you please secure the Mayor." - LO?
"WHAT THE HELL!" - LO?
he pushed it aside and spun around with a kick that nailed a clown in the jaw just as he trying to stand to his feet. - "just as he 'was' trying to stand 'on' his feet."
"Why don't you sit tight and wait for the cops to get here." - LO?
The young man walked towards his mysterious Boss who was talking a shapely woman in green. - Who was talking 'to' a shapely woman
"You got some pretty classy moves their sport. - 'there'
"I signaled you because she need help." - 'needed'
What am I trying to bury." -LO?
"It felt good taking those clowns down and seeing them getting their just desserts right." - LO?
"Why Bludhaven." - LO?
This chapter was okay, but I have to say: I really didn't like the way the talk between Dick and Brian went like... can't the mere fact they were around and able to help already be a good enough reason to do so?
| Saint Deltora chapter 15 . 4/24
Came the plea of Larry Jenkins attorney at law. - Comma after "Jenkins"
women's prison just outside of Neo-GOtham city - The "o" of "GOtham" doesn't needs to be capitalized.
Larry turned to his to handcuffed clients as was about to say something when an old, weathered but strong voice filled the courtroom. - No need to repeat "to"
conscious wouldn't sit well with me knowing that they were stay with you unattended." - that they were 'to' stay with you
"I appreciate the concern your honor but you don't need to worry about me. I can take of myself and those two girls." - comma after "your honor" also, take 'care' of myself.
"If you're that concerned I can tell you that my oldest son…their Uncle will be with me. - Why is "uncle" capitalized?
The twins turned to see their grandma hobbling towards her with their Uncle not far behind her. - Again.
"W-What did you c-call me!" - LO?
"Can't get ride of me that easily." - 'rid'
The wasteland that was Neo-Gotham slums came to life at night. - 'the' Neo-Gotham slums
The old, beaten and worn out streets thumped as low-lives and degenerates that resident - 'resided'
in the massive slum area left thier houses - 'their'
"Oh look Dee Dee, you remember that corner." - LO?
You remember how the guy behind the register pulled out that shotgun and started shooting at us." - LO?
"AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE FOR ME YOU OLD HAG!" - LO?
you're a joke and you're gonna stand there and judge me. - LO?
SLAPPP! - I don't see why "P" is repeated.
isn't that right Harley." - LO?
Harleen's eyes widen - 'widened'
Nice chapter, I gotta say... Harleen is such a pitiful being, and I can see why she ended up so angry and irritated as she is right now.
Mind you, I am pretty sure she won't be able to fix her grandchildren, I sure hope she had an honest chance though.
| Saint Deltora chapter 14 . 4/24
Clark looked to the sky to see Hal Jordon better known across the galaxy as the Green Lantern. - I think it's "Jordan".
with a single thought the suit that all Green Lantern's - 'Lanterns', no need for the apostrophe.
"Damn. It's hard to believe two years and change have gone by already." - What's "change" doing there?
"They Do!" - LO? and improper capitalization.
In the years that have passed Cyborg looked exactly the same, - 'had'
"I can't cry Hal my programming doesn't allow it." - Comma after "Hal"
The four men looked up to the sky and for the briefest second that saw the jet uncloak itself and then re-cloak. - 'they' saw the uncloak
On her wrist where her magical bracelets, - 'were'
Lord knows he's cheated more than enough times." - cheated 'it' (It being death in this circustance)
"As he should it's his home." - Comma after "should"
"So are you gonna get this Eulogy going or what I've got work to do." - LO? after "what"
rounded the last of the 'guest' at the Eulogy. - 'guests' It should be in plural here.
"Shielding is in tact. - 'intact'
No one outside the perimeter dome I've establish can hear or see us. - 'stablished'
This chapter is nice... it's always good to get some Justice League bonding.
| Saint Deltora chapter 13 . 4/22
which only severed to give her a bit of vertigo that amplified her splitting headache. - 'served'
Max, we know that you're hurting but it's been a year and change now…practically two. - Honest question, was "change" the word you meant to use here?
"…fine, message received and I appreciate you guys doing this but I have a killer headache and I need to sleep it off so can I please have some me time." - LO?
'Like they'll be able to catch me, and since when has freedom of speech become vandalism. - LO?
Remind me, but The Court Of Owls was something that was first introduced in the New 52, right?
| Saint Deltora chapter 12 . 4/22
He didn't agree at first but when she threaten to take back the money he had squirreled away for his sister - 'threatened'
Bane stared at the metal wall in front of him as he did push up and after push up. - I don't see what purpose "what" has here.
the paper did not release the name but they did have a picture and it was a picture he recognized because it was his father the original Bane and the only man to ever break, the feared Batman. - I don't really think the comma is in the correct place.
(YOU HAVE FAILED NIŃO! - I don't think that's the correct accent mark for 'Niño'.
"WHO WAS WATCHING HIM!" - LO?
"If you're watching him then how come he's dead!" - LO?
"You're working for the Thorne's now aren't you Bane. - LO?
"I don't need any, you wanted to meet me remember." - LO?
"I do but what if it was to kill you." - LO?
"And old girlfriend is she?" - I think this should be "Is she 'an' old girlfriend?"
This was a good chapter, I liked Bane's characterization particularly him vowing to attain his father's objective without using the same methods his father did.
| Saint Deltora chapter 11 . 4/22
"What about the bat-pod. - LO?
The crime families are started to get frustrated and are making more and more careless mistakes, - 'starting'
"You're talking about your mother." -This could very easily be read simply as a statement, and in fact it would be a pretty natural reading. But given how the narration right after this describes it as a "question" I am gonna have to say LO?
you come from a damn good genetic stock you do know that right." - LO?
Rose's eyes widen in terror at the statement - 'widened'
"WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME!" - LO?
"How do you now their names Slade." - 'know' also, LO?
"WHAT! I'M BUSY!" - LO?
Nice chapter, I liked that Damian was concerned about his family.
| Saint Deltora chapter 10 . 4/22
The first thing she saw was her lover and long time ally Jean-Paul-Valley, better known as Azarael, - I think you meant "Azrael".
Once he heard the door close Jean-Paul opened his eyes and rose up from the bead. - "Bed"
Helena grabbed hold of the wire line, cutting her hand on the thin line in the process, and she jerk forward yanking the line outwards just as the ninja came down. - I admit I am not sure here, but I think you meant "Jerked".
She noticed that the remaining four Ninja's - Just "Ninjas" no need for the apostrophe.
"GRRRRAHHHH!" she shouted as she felt one star graze her arm and another star imbedded itself in the left side of her lower abdomen. - 'Imbed' itself.
"That's it, that's all you got…hmph. My turn." LO?
The ninja's gathered around her body - Again.
This chapter was okay. Loved the title, reminds me of Metal Gear Rising.
TIME TO LEAVE THEM ALL BEHIND!
| Saint Deltora chapter 9 . 4/20
"You're cop and you're asking me is this necessary?" - "You're 'a' cop"
The Orderly replied - Given that in the prior two times this term was used it has been left not capitalized... I don't see why it is here.
"You didn't tell her" - Lack of punctuation.
"Goddman it Leslie. - 'Goddamn'
the Stephanie we knew and Love is gone." - Why is 'love' capitalized?
"Carolyn….you wanted to know why we're here, well what if I told you that we're going to wish someone a happy birthday." - LO?
"BIRTHDAY! BIRTHDAY! BIRTYDAY!" - The third word is misspelled.
"Nuh-uh. My Mom's birthday is in Sepstember" - The second "s" on "September" needs to be removed.
"My other mommy is sick can you help her." - LO?
"By reminding her of you and that are people that still care about her." and that 'there' are.
the Orderly screamed as he felt Stephanie's teeth sink into his ear. - Again.
"…the joke….and that old guy that died on our table a few months ago…Bruce Wayne" - Okay, I dunno how to reproduce Italics on Reviews, but when this statement appeared in Italics the "r" of "joker" was missing.
and you know what it doesn't matter. - LO? after "what"
| Saint Deltora chapter 8 . 4/20
she had only one option and that was to sit and withered away into nothing. - 'wither' away
"Y-You…sure took you sweet time g-getting here." - 'your' sweet time.
"Yeah, it case you haven't noticed there is a bat insignia in the sky . - 'in' case
This was an okay chapter, you made a good job showing how Inque is feeling.
Also, Dylan is an asshole.
| Saint Deltora chapter 7 . 4/20
The bat-signal illuminated the nigh sky - 'night'
despite the fact that it's been up in the sky the past couple of months the novelty of it has yet to run thin. - 'had' yet. Also, I kinda feel this setence would flow better if you put "for" after "sky".
"Commissioner Gordon, what's the situation" - LO?
"Dually noted." Prophet retorted. - While "dually" is a word, I think here you meant "dully".
"Checkpoint Two….The Bat is the air….everyone get ready." - I think you meant "is 'in' the air"
looked up into the sky and watched in horror as burning mirco-pieces - 'micro'
"Will you both shut up about the damn car… - LO?
The Knightbreed acolytes readied themselves for the oncoming attack but no matter how ready they thought they were they weren't prepared to deal with him. - I think there should be a comma somewhere here.
"I supposed the Commissioner was right….it was a trap." - 'suppose', no need for the "d".
"I'm get a report over the wire now…the diamond store the Knightbreed was trying to rob….has actually been robbed now." - 'getting'
"The plan has work, Batman has defeated out brethren but I have gathered the intel. He is formidable" - 'worked' and 'our'.
This was an okay chapter, nothing much happened.
| Saint Deltora chapter 6 . 4/19
The lift entered the tent and immediately upon its entrance the gathered crowd was bombarded with a sense of amazement at the sounds and thrills all around them. - 'it's'
Brain leaned a bit closer to the picture - 'Brian'
"That's me and parents" - me and 'my' parents
Brain took his fist back and he rubbed it a little. - 'Brian'
but it doesn't take a genius to figure out that this isn't exactly what you had in mind, when I said fresh start." - I think you can remove that comma after "mind"
"Really…already, - LO?
"Well, you did say this was a dream job right" - LO?
Good chapter, always nice to see a member of the Bat-family happy, (Yeah, I know, former member. But still...) And I always really liked Dick, so...
| Saint Deltora chapter 5 . 4/19
Terry heaved several breaths and swallowed as Damian came forward. The older warrior came in with a mid-ranged attack - 'mid-range'
"That's smartest thing you've said all day" - That's 'the' smartest thing.
"I can't…beat you… is that what you want me to say" - LO?
"I have over 30 years of experience and knowledge versus your what 3 months of training from an 80 year old man. - I think the line would flow better if it was like this: "I have over 30 years of experience and knowledge versus your... what? 3 months of training from an 80 year old man.
"That's nice of you" Terry respond in a strain voice while pushing himself up until he was on all fours, - 'responded'
Damian's eyes widen for a split second before they returned to his normal hard glare. - 'widened'
"Possibly" Yinn replied "But Who?" - I don't get why "who" is capitalized.
"Where are you going McGinnis….you're training isn't over" - "your"
Terry's eyes widen at the sound and he looked to his bookbag. - "widened"
"You know eccentric rich people can be…..…by mom" - You know 'how' eccentric rich people can be... 'bye' mom.
Nice chapter, I liked the interactions between Damian and Terry.
| Saint Deltora chapter 4 . 4/19
For the past three months he's had to deal with Damian calling the shots about how the company was going to move forward - I think this setence would flow better by removing the apostrophe and "s" after "he".
"That I'm a son of a bitch" - I think you should put a full stop here.
"I don't give damn about your sensitivity." - 'a' damn.
The lawyers and still looking into your claims of being Bruce Wayne's son" 'are' should replace 'and' here.
"It….makes me CEO" he growled in anger. "No, I'm CEO." - I think these two lines would flow better if it was 'the' CEO in both cases.
Now if you'll excuse me I have another meeting to attend to." - I think it would flow better without the apostrophe and "ll"
"You're father is too greedy for that." - 'your'
"YOU! Get me back to my penthouse, now, got that. - LO?
Paxton replied in confusion "Why would he want to talk to me." - LO?
Paxton Powers was roughly shoved out of the limo and onto the dirt ground. - 'dirty'
"Are you King Kobra" - LO?
"There are worst things than death" - 'worse'
"Good luck in finding him I don't know where he is." - comma after 'him'
"What is that some sort of fortune cookie crap!" - LO?
I don't know ice Wayne" - No offense, but I can't tell what that is supposed to mean.
Paxton opened his mouth to responded but Elicia nodded her head - 'respond'
This chapter was okay, served to set up future stuff nicely.
| Saint Deltora chapter 3 . 4/19
"Charles 'Chuckie' Walker" - Punctuation
"Bitch" - Punctuation
"And that's Because you're going to confess everything to me right now. - What's up with the capitalized "because"?
"You don't know shit sweet cheeks." Comma after "shit"
"So." - LO?
and as he was laughing and she was looking at him - The construction in this setence, particularly the repetition of "and" is awkward, maybe you could edit it?
Barbara's eyes widen in shock and it was then that she lost it. - "widened"
"YOU THINK DEATH IS FUNNY!" - LO?
The eyes of Mayor Sam Young slowly opened and they focused in on the empty beside next to him - "bedside"
Barbara had learned that her skills are solely lacking. - "were", "sorely".
her mind kept going over that night and she remember - "remembered"
Thank-fully though the moment didn't last long - I... don't see a point on the "-"
"HA!" Barbara yelled as she hopped forward and delivered and straight punch to the heavy bag, - 'a' straight punch
"I Married Batgirl" - While I understand the title drop, there is really no reason to capitalize "married".
"That you were BatGirl" - "Batgirl", no need for the big g.
"It's because you didn't tell me that I was marrying…excuse married Batgirl." - I think it should be excuse 'me'.
"But you didn't…..you married Barbara Gordon. By the time you and I met I hadn't been Batgirl for 4years. - space between "4" and "years".
And didn't you say that the past is the past." - LO?
"Are you sure…because correct me if I'm wrong but…Batman has returned has he not." - LO?
I can't shake is that you haven't gotten over Batgirl, she not fully in the past. - she 'is'
"Are you two alright" - LO?
"I just can't believe that I Married Batgirl." - Still not seeing why the capitalization.