|Reviews for The Lion King: An Alternate Storyline|
| Guest chapter 13 . 11/22/2014
This is very good and action-packed. I can't wait to see what happens with Kiara next. Maybe when you finish the story, you could do a prequel with Simba and Nala going through the original Kovu-Kiara storyline.
| hunter305414 chapter 13 . 7/15/2013
Great job so far! Really enjoying the story! Please update soon,wanna read what happens to kiara. Clicking follow button now...
| T5Tango chapter 13 . 7/13/2013
A most interesting chapter to be sure.
The first thing that really stood out to me was your beautiful descriptions. Gosh you're so good at that. :)
And it is almost like you're really painting a picture, you just really give it that extra detail so that it really pops in the reader's mind.
I actually like how you draw a contrast between your story and the movie. Simba instantly decided that he didn't want to go home, but here you have Kiara wanting to get back to her mom. And she calls them Uncle Timon and Uncle Pumbaa...it's just such a Kiara-ish thing to do haha.
And I loved Timon and Pumbaa here, you actually pulled off the singing part really well! I couldn't help but find myself laughing at them when Timon was telling Pumbaa to give it to him! I was actually a little afraid that Pumbaa was going to be eaten.
The bug descriptions were quite appetizing by the way...feeling a bit hungry actually...lol
Oh and Kiara's pain, jeez everytime she thought of Simba, I felt a stab of pain run through me too. Gah...WHY DID SIMBA HAVE TO DIE?!
(*Hangs head in pathetic manner*) I actually thought it was Simba to the rescue for a second as well. I felt my heart soar and then flop back to the ground when I realized it was just another leopard come to eat Kiara. :(
Speaking of the leopards, Bato was just kinda scary-like the normal sort of fear you get when you realized that you're about to be eaten. Chui on the other hand, he was just creepy.
I really hope that Kiara manages to get away unscathed.
Again, great use of vocabulary, descritptions, etc. This was so wonderful and I enjoyed reading every second of it!
| Emerald dreamer96 chapter 13 . 7/9/2013
Great chapter you seem to have a very different cubhood in mind for Kiara.
Very interesting way of dealing with Bato I'm already starting to like Chui. Also he used his tail! I freaking love it when animals use their tails for stuff.
| KaltheBrave chapter 13 . 7/9/2013
You're back! Yay! This makes me so happy. :P
Why would this be considered terrible? Excuse me for a moment... whaaaaaaat? :O
It had a throwback to the original movie, the introduction of new characters, a bawss action sequence! I really enjoyed it! I was and am really worried for Kiara though - which is kudos to you because normally I am not too fussed about her! :D
Both of the new characters seem very interesting indeed - you did a great job of 'getting them over' straight away. I will be excited to learn more about them!
Hope the next three weeks or a month passes real quickly now!
| bookgeek96 chapter 13 . 7/9/2013
Great chapter, I love the twists to the story, makes in unique
| JJZ-109 chapter 13 . 7/9/2013
It was interesting to see H & M from Kiara's perspective, I was humming as the song started...
Great cut off, would never have guessed. This is interesting...
Chui? *Spits fanta all over the place* Chui? From the...you know...? Is that from the...you know...
Interesting two new characters. I get the feeling that Chui *smirks* is going to be an important figure for Kiara, and that Bato will have a 'Bane' sort of role and come back for another swing later. I have a few theories...
AHAH! Review number 100! So much win...What award do I receive here?
| yeti1995 chapter 13 . 7/8/2013
I loved your description of the leopard, the golden-eyed predator, initially.. I could actually see the leopard jumping from a branch to another, it absolute silence.. There weren't many lines to describe his approach, but those that were there were much more than adequate.. The previous chapter ended very ominously, and you did wonderfully to carry that on here... Brilliant job!
Your description of Timon and Pumba's abode was wonderful and incredibly precise (you'll make an awesome architect ;) :P ) ... I did say somewhere in one of my reviews that we hadn't seen much of Kiara's guilt, but well, now we have.. I could really put myself in the poor princess' place here, and I could feel her guilt destroying her bit by bit, every step of the way, throughout the chapter.. Very sad, and that's why, very nicely done!
Ah, vintage Timon and Pumba! I loved how you made a huge chunk of a reference to the movie, and then went back to your own version of the story.. That takes some skill! I did find myself singing along very loudly (it's really late XD) and my neighbours will be pissed, haha!
The quick alternations between joyous freedom and ominous anticipation was excellent; very refreshing! You sure aren't afraid to change a mood quickly, and that's great because you do it nicely! I absolutely loved Kiara here; her childish courage might have been very foolish, but it was really sweet! Chui... Hmm why does that name sound so familiar? XP I really liked the two leopards; even villains fight for their share of the steal! Oh brilliant, I like Chui already haha! You not only changed it from the draft, you made it EPIC, it's something that I'll remember for a while.. I really laughed out, I wasn't really expecting that lol! (forgive the insanity, just for today :P )
The chase was absolutely thrilling; since I liked Chui so much, I put myself in his place and I could really feel Bato breathing down his neck! The jump was breathtaking, I had my heart in mouth, and that's testament to the fact that it was written very well! Kiara can't seem to catch a break, can she!? I wonder what Timon and Pumba will be able to do about this..
Bato is a very interesting character, it seemed very realistic and in-character (from what I've seen so far) that he cynically dismissed the whole concept of the Circle of Life... You really make the readers put themselves in the characters' places using only your writing, and that's what strikes me the most when I read your work! Excellent stuff! I could also feel Bato struggling and attempting to survive, battling through everything...
"For that, everyone was going to pay." Oooh that gave me chills!
Yeah, I always wanted to see more of Simba in the jungle, not just Hakuna Matata... Jungles are supposed to be dangerous! I always wondered how Simba could face no problem whatsoever in that jungle... TLK 1 1/2 didn't really live up to the Lion King series, either... So this chapter was really nice, it mixes things up really well! Great work, I'm waiting for more! XD
| Vulaan Kulaas chapter 13 . 7/8/2013
Ooh...Will Bato be a good guy,or a villain like Chui? This chapter was on the short side,but I'm curious as to how Kiara will grow in the jungle instead at the Pride Lands.
| T5Tango chapter 12 . 6/25/2013
Yes! Haha take that Scar Mufasa won!
This was a great chapter, I am very much terrified about what Zira and Subira are going to do.
Is it really possible for Mufasa and Sarabi to have another child. Maybe for Mufasa, certainly not for Sarabi...but I guess you never know.
I liked Kiara in this situation with Timon and Pumbaa. This story has been great (ok that was a MAJOR understatement). I'm so glad that I've now caught up and I will be following this story from now on.
I can't believe what an idiot I was for not reading it earlier.
Oh, and don't worry your interpretation of Nala is perfect. :)
| T5Tango chapter 11 . 6/25/2013
Well, this was certainly a tension filled chapter. Nala really snapped, but I don't blame her. Amali really took it hard, I hope she come out alright.
As for the voting, that is so cool and super unique.
Who would've thought that animal monarchy with democracy could work.
Ok, I know the voting is closed. But I would vote for Mufasa, I am a Pridelander through and through.
Plus, I don't trust Scar.
Liked the Hunger Games reference btw.
| T5Tango chapter 10 . 6/25/2013
Oh, this was an extraordinary chapter. I loved the elephants and the ancient culture that surrounded their presence and exuded from their beings. Due to the emotion of the last chapter, I forgot to tell you that I really liked the elephant graveyard description. It may have been dark, but it was none the less beautiful.
So, Timon and Pumbaa huh...well hopefully Kiara will learn to love them. I though you were doing a good job creating them here and their constant antics.
Really great work. I wish I had started this story A LONG time ago.
| T5Tango chapter 9 . 6/25/2013
I want to tell you that this was laced with so much emotion that I could feel the pride's heightened tension, that I could hear their gasps of shock, that I shared in their tears, that I could hear Nala's piercing cries, that I could see Sarabi's broken expression, that I could hear Mufasa's mournful roar, that I appreciated Scar's somber demeanor, that I could feel the kingdom's heartbreak deep within myself, but after all of that, I find myself only able to say this...
May you rest in peace Simba, my hero.
| T5Tango chapter 8 . 6/24/2013
Alright, allow me to give you an update on my emotional condition at the moment.
It is currently three in the morning. I have read other fan fictions in which Simba dies in a horrible way. However, none and I repeat none of those stories have ever made me cry. Even as I type huge tear drops are rolling down my face. And I am having to stifle my sobs in my pillow for fear of waking my parents and having them catch me not only reading Lion King fan fiction, but crying over it. So thanks a lot for breaking my heart!
Ok, I am going to try to pull myself together in order to give this chapter a constructive review, for it certainly deserves one.
(A million years later)
Alright, so first off, the stampede was intense. Frankly, I had the same gripping dread laced feeling in my stomach that I had when I was watching the movie. They way you shaped this scene literally amplified every action, every pain Simba or Kiara felt, and every emotion in this.
And I want to praise you for not following the plot of the movie to a tee, that makes it interesting to read and your own unique story.
I hated that the hyenas were accusing her of murder when a dead king lay right before them and his death was on their paws. And to see an innocent little cub seeing her parent dead. Ok, I know hyenas are nothing but mangy flea bags, but c'mon DO THEY HAVE NO HEART?!
Feeling a huge sense of dread for the pride...poor Nala, it's going to be interesting seeing how she will respond to being, in a way, the Sarabi of the actual movie.
And Kiara, darling, what will become of you?
This chapter was heart-wrenching...
RIP Simba, the one true king.
| T5Tango chapter 7 . 6/24/2013
"It was the Sun and the Moon exchanging places in the sky, a cycle, a circle. The Circle of Life. Everything worked in the way it should." Absolute, pure art. I loved this!
Also, descriptions like the one about the nightmare are what really seem to give your writing style a very unique characteristic. I love reading those insightful little snippets just as much as I do the story. I think I do something similar...that is taking advantage of open spaces in the story to give some concept an insightful description.
Oh my, a vulture. No...please...don't do it.
Aww, Kovu's teasing was adorable. And Simba, you are so wonderful. I thought it was so sweet how he encouraged Kovu to join them. I love you Simba.
Oh my gosh, that attack sequence it was so sporadic, it was like I was literally being attack by the hyenas. And I found it interesting that you didn't have to go into a lot of detail about the physical fighting to get my heart literally to racing.
Please, please do not let Subira pull a Scar. I am on my knees begging you to spare Simba's life.
Great chapter and I'm shaking from anticipation and scared to push the next button. But, I know I'm going to.