|Reviews for Train of Misery|
| Yemi Hikari chapter 1 . 4/11/2013
The main problem with your story isn't the graphic violence, nor is it that your story tarnished the book series. The problem comes from something you say at the very end of your chapter, “this one-shot was far from canon”. Take this from someone whose been around the fanfiction community for awhile now, while it is all right to veer from canon, if the changes you've made can not logically be explained then you as the writer have failed.
The one thing that does get explained in your story is why the Alden children aren't being taken in by one of their other blood relatives that we know about in this series. This gets explained away simply because it was a crossover. However, you do not clearly categorize this story as a crossover like you should and if people tend to skip over author's notes and right into the story they may very well question why the Alden children are being shifted off like they did. So you need to mark it as a crossover for that reason, and also because not correctly categorizing your stories is against the site rules and if reported the admins will remove them.
What is explained is the changes in characterization. Why is Henry suddenly a murderer? It actually makes more sense for Count Olaf to kill off grandfather and then to slowly kill off the Alden kids one by one to get the life insurance money on them. Which is another characterization problem you have. The Count Olaf is self-centered, greedy and egotistical. He wouldn't suddenly be fatherly towards a group of kids simply because he could train them to be his heirs, not when he could get money off of them by pretty much killing them. As for Benny blackmailing their grandfather... well, it doesn't make sense for their grandfather to have murdered them in the first place and Benny enjoyed living in the woods. On top of this Benny had no contact with the man and was only six years old at the time. It's not something he would be pulled off.
You may be thinking right now that I don't like your story and didn't enjoy it because I called you out for the issues in your guys stories. Truth of the matter is, I did enjoy your story. Most crossovers aren't anywhere near as well thought out as this. Still, I would have enjoyed it a lot more if some of the oddities you had in your story were explained away, but in the same regard they may also take practice. The fact you guys did have this crossover as well planned out as you did does speak a lot about your ability as well as the places you could possibly go.
A few more things to note, a few times you relied a little to much on dialog to tell the story and other times you had paragraphs consisting of one sentence and it wasn't because it was shoved in between two people speaking. I also hope you write more stories for the Boxcar Children too, as there aren't many stories. I like your style, spunk and creativitiy.