|Reviews for Shattered Perfection|
| America Liberty chapter 4 . 4/17/2014
How absolutely touching and mature. I really don't even know where to start so I'm just kind of amazed. Thank you for being patient while I got my words together. There's a few things I want to talk about starting with the theme and moving onto the characters and then the technical writing.
The themes you worked with in this piece are deep, dark, and not easily written about. Many people botch them, downplaying them or making them seem unrealistic. You portrayed everything perfectly. As you may have figured out from my review, I know a lot about mental health and I can tell you what a perfect job you did. Achilles' feelings of inadequacy due to his social status are perfectly in character and you show just how broken, not only he is, but someone who deals with the pressures that he has dealt with. He's still young, and already he's been hardened with battle, trauma, AND he's got to deal with a child who's traumatized as well. Some people overlook this fact, but you handled the topic with grace and maturity.
I love his views on himself being "…cold hearted, emotionless, and remorseless…" when this is so clearly not true, and really gives you somewhere to go with the plot line. Gorgeous touch. Perhaps the other characters can help him see that this is not true. I don't know exactly who else you plan to be brining into the story.
The imagery was wonderful, but this probably comes with your natural gift for writing. "Dark red blood splattered on his tunic and the leaves of the forest floor." The entire first paragraph of the second chapter was amazing beyond words. I felt what he felt and saw what he saw. Beautiful.
One thing I loved, though it upset me to read, was his reaction of aggression to his loved ones trying to help. How realistic and how wonderfully written. His implosive words and then his sudden realization of how he snapped and was wrong read well, was in character, and was very, very realistic.
Onto the third chapter!
I'm not sure if you do research into the mental illnesses that you portray, but I can only imagine that you do, because of the accuracy of the portrayal.
I will admit to you, I teared up when Achilles was powering the reasons to kill himself and the reason that he would never do so. You have such an insight into the thought process of a tortured mind, I can only hope you have never been their yourself.
Perhaps the thing that touched me most about your chapters was how you went into the feelings of not only someone dealing with depression and trauma but the relatives of them and how it effects them. This was spot on and Patroclus reaction (while heartbreaking) was absolutely eye opening for most, I would assume, and wonderfully composed and written.
And last, but not least, chapter 4, Eris was a clever touch. I love how you show that as a goddess, she has feelings as well and has been touched by the actions of other gods to this extreme. Well done.
I might look into the Greek goddess, Melinoe as well, she might be a nice touch or even just a reference who fits well with the story.
Again, the reactions of someone who was watching a dearly loved family member go through such a hard time were perfect and I think that you could not have portrayed this better.
Achilles' reaction to his cousins' tears also intrigued me. I don't low if you planned this, but I loved how outwardly compassionate he is with his cousin. That places a real emphasis on how wrong his low esteem is of himself and how is not emotionless and cold hearted. If only he could see this. What a wonderful touch. I assume you will be playing with this more as well.
Shorter notes consist of the fact that your word choice is good, everyone is very in character, and I love the plot line and the direction that you have taken with this story. You've also blended the interaction with gods and mortals well, which is something that I think the movie completely failed to do, but you were perfect at!
I'd love to see more interaction between Patroclus and Eris, actually. I think that's interesting and she'll probably hate him too, but I think hat you did there was clever. Maybe he tries to find out what's wrong with his cousin? One more thing you might want to think about, in later chapters, having Patroclus understand a little more what his cousin is going through. He should be able to when he gets a little more accustomed to the idea, as he is going through some of the same symptoms due to his own trauma.
Perfect chapters! I can't wait to read more! Update soon!
| bluebirdheart chapter 4 . 5/15/2013
I like this chapter. I love the ending stuff the most, where Pat and Ach are interacting. On that note, I always liked the nickname little warrior, but it has really grown on me. I love that Ach calls Pat that.
I particularly liked the reference about anger running in the family. I like Pat's apology and how Ach comforted him. Even more, I like that Ach knew that Pat was bothered by more than that. Shame for not being 'brave' seemed like something that really would bother Pat.
excited for the next chapter :)
| HaloFin17 chapter 4 . 4/13/2013
Duh, of course I should have known it would be Eris! Silly Halo. And super sweetness on the ending, too; I liked that a lot :-)
| green4556 chapter 4 . 4/13/2013
First of all : I am so happy u updated the story :))
-needless to say I hate this evil goddess :( although it was a change to see achilles been weaken by someone ( a change i didnot like LOL )
- I really liked it when achilles told Patroclus that saying and doing things in anger that they didnot mean runs in the family :))
- the end was so sweet and cute
as always cant wait for ur next oneshot , but please tell me it will have less crying then this one
| Horsetamer5 chapter 4 . 4/13/2013
Again, I love this chapter! Awesome job!
| HaloFin17 chapter 3 . 4/8/2013
Hey, glad to see you're writing again! It's an interesting topic, and I can see where in the movie you're drawing inspiration from. Lots of angst and other emotions raging, as you warned. Thank you for the dedication back in Chapter 1 :-)
| bluebirdheart chapter 3 . 4/7/2013
I turn to your fic and you've three chapter wrote...? Dang girl, you're on the writing flow. :)
Wow, you took a really serious route here. And it definitely gives a new and fresh perspective on Ach's life. It kinda dark, but needed for the build up to see the different break downs.
You really have an awesome talent in writing dialogue. Seriously, it flows like a charm.
The only thing I would mention (and this might be personal preference), but you don't have to write who's POV it is. I think it can be distinguished without the parentheses. But that just might be me. :)
Good work, seriously. It takes guts and talent to dive into these issues - well done friend :)
AND nice research in the beginning.
(also thanks for the shout out).
| Horsetamer5 chapter 3 . 4/7/2013
I love it! You are such a great writer!
| green4556 chapter 3 . 4/7/2013
First of all : Thank sweety for the shout-out ,, it's all your amazing writing that makes me love the story so much xoxo
as for this Chapter I really Felt bad for achilles :( he seems so normal in way , a normal human who is feeling guilty
his conversion with his dark voice or "dark side " kind reminded me of Dexter loooool
but i thought him cutting him self was a one time thing , not something he continued to do , with all the wars he will go to it seems horrible to think that he will do this every-time
as for Patroclus , he was right in all of his reactions except the last line he said to achilles " You really are bad luck. You're pathetic and disgusting " okey where did this come from ? he had no right to say that ... he should apologizes in the next chapter :))
your amazing , cant wait see what is next :)
| green4556 chapter 2 . 4/6/2013
two Chapters in one day :)) ur amazing I love u looooooooool
anyway this one is soo cute it really made my day
| Horsetamer5 chapter 2 . 4/6/2013
Great chapter. Poor Patroclus!
Again, love the descriptive writing.
| green4556 chapter 1 . 4/6/2013
great :)) it was just too short
I cant wait to see what is next :))
| Horsetamer5 chapter 1 . 4/6/2013
Great job! Once again, this is so well written